Femi B

Nigerian services + anger = Scar on face and bloody shirt

2009-07-28T23:44:00.000-07:00

3 weeks in Nigeria and i've definitely been enjoying the Nigerian "customer service" to its fullest.

It all started when i decided to relocate back to nigeria....ok ok out with the drama.....

I decided to air cargo my stuff and i got this deal of 7 days deliver to your door guarantee. hmmmm 419 people indeed.
So after 2 weeks of when i was supposed to receive the shipment, i decided to go to the Lagos office in Ikeja myself after the guy I was dealing with kept hanging up the phone on me. (Im not sure if the guy could not speak/understand English)

So i go to this dodgy and rough place where my stuff was and meet this stupid woman called the receptionist. I told her i paid for door delivery but i decided to pick it up my self, so if she could help me organize people to carry the load into my car, I'd be grateful. The stupid woman told me she doesn't know anything about that and I should go call some Paul guy since he was the one handling my cargo. " He is for Maryland and Im for New York" she said. Mcheeeew wetin concern me ...arent y'all working for the same company? then she began reporting me to another person claiming i was shouting at her. to cut this annoying story short, I got half of my luggage and went home angry with chest pains.

Now a week later I called them and they told me my remaining load had arrived on thursday and they would deliver on friday. On Friday, the guy told me he would deliver on saturday. On monday i told him not to bother that I would come for it. I get to this dingy place again only to find out that my load had not yet arrived Nigeria. I was mad...why in the hell did they ask me to come? or tell me it was here on friday. 419 people. I got so mad that i stormed out of the building opened the car door and slammed the edge of the door right under my right eyebrow. I was so mad that I could not feel the pain. Next thing i see is my head gushing with blood and my shirt all stained with blood. My mother wanted me to rush to the hospital to get it stiched...i was scared of being sewned up so i just went to treat the wound. I now had to roam around lagos with a booboo on my face and blood stains on my shirt, adding to the blemishes on my face after the mosquito attacks. This is Lagos

Yesterday some cop abi police woman stopped me to be asking me yeye questions, only to end the 30 mins holding me up with "aunty anything for me?" I answered...you go chop banana?" I only had banana in my car to offer her. She laughed and told me to go.,

2 weeks in Lagos, the journey so far

2009-07-20T03:06:00.000-07:00

It seems i have adjusted in Lagos to some extent thanks to my family and loved ones that have made it quite easy for me. However, there are still some things that have been driving me crazy in the 2 weeks i've been here....How do i cope?

1. Driving in Lagos. These drivers want to dash me stroke at an early age. Anytime i step out in the car to attempt to become a lagos driver.... I almost pee in my pants literally. Its amazing how every Lagos driver assumes everyone has amazing brakes.

2. Driving in Lagos when it rains. damn you are literally swimming with your car, gives me a thought for new lag vehicle/boat transportation.

3. Lagos Mosquitoes/sandflies. These mutated insects have almost killed me oh, my sexy legs are on there way to becoming blemished.....any tips, the insect repellants work a little well sha

4. When do i officially stop saying..." I just moved back from yankee" I mean ...is there a rule of thumb or something?

5. I have not really missed america yet, when would that happen?

6. and finally Lagos people are all crazy and I fast and pray not to become one of them....lol

So Long Obama

2009-07-05T18:13:00.000-07:00

Femi B Has finally relocated to the 234 Zones ( Phew!!!!)

First things first, some house cleaning, So sorry ive been out of the sphere for so long, its unusual of me...first school, and then moving and other extra trimmings. Thanks to all those that checked on me and all those that did not.......

So in the span of when I was away....heres the few things that happened to me

- Graduated (finished my masters)
- Moved from Pennsylvania to Maryland to Nigeria
- Become Mrs emotionally sensitive

Men the first two are great, but the last one is scaring me, seems like some estrogen levels just kicked in cos femi b aint cry for shit but now its like i cry at the sigh of anything...Oprah, Americans next top model, reading some blogs, watching commercials ..i mean the weirdest things gets me all mushy. I wonder what phase im going thru, cos being a gal who would not even cry to Titanic, is now eyes balling to the silliest things. God help me.

So long Obama
I remember the first day i left Nigeria for the United States, I was so exicted and imagined what the air would look like, the sky would look like or how different the ground might be. Now leaving america, all i could think of was how I would no longer be referred to as yankee girl anymore. My wonderful title relinquished and boy would I miss walmart...yeah and my friends too.

Anyway i've begun a new life now and im about to embark on PROUDLY SERVING MY COUNTRY. NYSC.

Hope i continue blogging cos it seems like my interesting gist is diminishing

Words that I love

2009-04-03T16:02:00.000-07:00

Last week I wrote a post on words that make me cringe when i hear them, but now I would be writing a post on words that I absolutely love.

Femi B - Of course I gotta love my name, it is destined for greatness and I can't wait to give it to my female offspring who i know would just be an amazing copy of me which would make her even greater...lol (let me be haters) Whenever I am tired of hearing people yell my name....I just yell back "I AM NOT MARRYING YOU joo"

Vagina - I think this word is so powerful in that if one said it in the midst of people, it would evoke attention and people would either whimper,smile, blush, spoil their faces in disgust...generally a serious emotion would erupt from that word unless you are some gynae who practically lives in a vagina...oops Anyway I used to be shy to say it but i have recently been liberated vocabularily (not a word) ....words can keep me down..

Chocolate covered Strawberries- I don't know it just evokes a smile at the corner or my mouth same as Whipped Cream

Stupid Fool - Best way to insult a person by using too abusive adjectives one after the other

Mega Tout - I mean I would be elated to be anything Mega..but a mega tout?...that just the epitome of touting...some serious touting skills you must possess.

Badunkadunk - No Comment

Aesthetically Pleasing- In the design world, it is a common word we use to let our clients know we went to a fancy schmancy school...I kid oh but that word can make poop look attractive

Allegedly - My favorite word of all time.... In the media world, so as not to be sued for defamation of character or false journalism.. mentioning allegedly right before the "gist" covers your ass big time.

Private thought- I have recently realized that Naija men are very confident with their bodies. I mean looking at the men in my life from my dad to nollywood men, to significant others and acquaintances.. to the naked man walking down the road ...(ok nollywood is not my life and the mad nude guy, i don't know)they all don't mind being shirtless. I am not saying being shirtless is a bad thing but i realized that here in yankee, (at least my area) these americans would not show one chest hair..lol..i mean they would no go shirtless unless there was some six pack or definition as related to abs, chest and the area leading to the groin.

However i see my naija guys just pleasure any type of viewers with their 6 pack abs, guts, man boobs, hairy chests, anything flattering or unflattering, they don't care and they are willing to share their half nakedness. Anyway im not complaining its just a private thought i had i thought i'd share.

Words that make me cringe

2009-03-26T15:15:00.000-07:00

Men, I have been MIA for a while. I am writing this thesis of mine, that if I put the topic up here, y'all think it was the most boring amalgamation of words ever... but i am actually having fun with it. I am so busy with it and my adviser is also being a pain in the .... Anyway, I have noticed that when talking or writing there are some words that make me cringe, blush, or get angry when I hear them. I try not to use such words and find substitutes for them. Below is a list of the words I don’t like to use or hear

Breasts – I hate that word, I’d only use it when I say chicken breast. I rather boobs, tits, teetes, bresconyan, chestices, breastices, manchesty etc

Ladies – oh my! I don’t like all that formality, it’s like someone calling me a beautiful damsel. I rather, females, girl, chic, babe, omoge, sisi,

Courtship – eww, like we are in the 13^th century in the days of Constantine IV. I mean whats wrong with the words dating, relationship, shag buddies, etc

Handset/ GSM – these are usually for my naija people. I mean what’s wrong with calling it what it is, errr.. a cell phone, mobile phone or just plane phone.

Menstrual Cycle/ Menses – just say period or aunty flo, and why the hell does it have to start with MEN.. I bet some guy coined the word to crack an insensitive joke…lol..damn females can never have their way

Deflowered (as related to virgins) – What the hell? I wonder who first considered their hymen to be a flower….well one might think the name or place sounds or looks flowery…

Machine- This is also for my naija folks, it’s a scooter or a bike etc..

Male Nurse- if theres a male nurse can we say female nurse too? ok im being too picky but hey…

Then the regular swear words like Fuck, bitch,Cunt, Nigger/nigga/niggies/nigress/niggaz, pussy, (well only if I have to describe my newly learned dance called pussy popping….its very PG13 oh)

So what are those words y’all just hate to hear or you would rather die than use the word?

PS....*Private thought*: where in the hell do all the farts go? Do they evaporate, mix with the air, mix with other farts and make fart babies (damn that would be some serious smell) or just travel to the ocean, heaven or hemisphere?

Private thoughts and Private dancing

2009-03-12T21:15:00.000-07:00

Private thoughts

Yesterday I was doing some weird thinking and I laughed out and thanked God for private thoughts. I thought that was the best thing ever. Imagine if people could hear our thoughts...im sure most of us would be in jail. Me i know i'll be in jail for..................

So i decided to write on my facebook status...femi B is thankful for private thoughts...ha you should have seen some comments, chat messages and all i got. I don't know how private thought= dirty thoughts. I mean i could have been thankful for having a mind conversation with God or thinking about how i'd dance when i collect my chieftancy title for iyalode ajagun rocker of ......land or thoughts of my swearing in as Naijas first female president. There are so many great thoughts that could be private. Why do private thoughts have to be dirty, foul or naughty? I mean even my sister told me to go wash my head with omo detergent. Like omo can wash this mind of mine. hhmmmm that could be a great commercial..." Omo.. super blue omo..... the detergent powerful enough to wash femi B's mind"

Private dancing
I saw a comment made by afrobabe on exschoolnerd's blog suggesting she take my usual advice about dancing naked infront of the mirror with heels. I mean it's really therapeutic and im thinking about going to bottle it up and patent it so i can make money.....hmm maybe i'll make a "how to video"..lol. Anyway that got me into one of my private thoughts and wondered if guys too would benefit from the naked dancing. Well i guess if they are brave enough they might wear heels too for great posture. So Male bloggers since the naijablogger awards have used affirmative action to make y'all win some awards and putting you on blast, i'll like to take this opportunity to do a lil research on my above patent. Do you guys think it'll be therapeutic for you and what else might you suggest besides the opposite sex joining in? Just my question for you guys and women who might think they know what guys want.

When this "how to video" becomes a hit..lol this is lil AHA moment story I would tell as most fellow entrepreneurs do.

True story-I had music playing one night and decided to dance. This time I was with full clothes on and as i continued dancing in front of the mirror, i decided to put on my heels for better posture. You know those heels can give you that "drop down and get your eagle on stance". well after a couple of mins of rigorous dancing, i began to sweat profusely, so i decided to take the clothes off and Voila !!! my AHA moment. It was a total exhilarating and therapeutic experience. I also noticed I had nice legs. Hey let me compliment myself haba.

Moving back and forth

2009-03-08T18:50:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking of moving back to Nigeria for a while now but at times, i get excited about the thought and other times, I get scared so i decided to weigh my silly options here. I'll be adding from time to time. Sometimes its the silliest things that really matter.

Reasons for moving back to Naija
1. tired of North America.... most aspects ...weather, food, taxes etc
2. I truthfully would like to give back to naija. I rather be a big fish in a lil pond than a lil fish in a lil pond...huh?
3. I miss my family
4. Im tired of America,
5. I hate the cold
6. miss naija's Sweet fruits, boli and epa (roasted plantains and peanuts sold on the street)
7. Suya and aboki stores( street corner stores)
8. beginning my path to becoming Nigeria's first female president...lol
9. I have a chieftancy title waiting for me...lol Iyalode Ajagun rocker of........land
10. wearing layers during winter..i hate it so much

Reasons to stay in america
1. Walmart
2. Walmart
3. Walmart...where in Naija would i get to buy chicken, do a pedicure , get an oil change , buy a hammer, and pepto bismo all in one place for cheap.
4. The fact that I can go anywhere at anytime of the night without worrying about armed robbers. i mean while in naija on holidays everyone is on lock and key after 8pm unless they are staying out at night for the whole night
5. Specialty stores like AC more (craft store), MAC store , Bargain shopping etc
6. Big ass bell peppers
7. NEPA
8. PHCN
9. NEPA/ PHCN (power company responsible for power cuts and black outs)
10. Heat in Nigeria
11. Road trips. i love traveling by road but not me driving, and lets face i,t there are better roads and sane drivers here
12. Restaurants...not to say there aint restaurants in naija, only that they are almost all the same... not too much variety or fine dining.
13. Things in naija are just too expensive

Submit to me boo

2009-03-05T17:09:00.000-08:00

The word Submissive..... hmmm It seems to be most Naija men's favorite word and the only verse most of them know and remember from the bible....holding on to that passage like their manhood depended on it. This post came as a result of a statement that I made ....that both husband and wife be submissive to each other and it seemed I had over run my mouth with that statement

Below are some verses I'm sure we ladies have heard it drummed in our ears

Colossians 3:18-19 (New International Version)

Rules for Christian Households

¹⁸Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

¹⁹Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

Ephesians 5:22-33 (New International Version)

Wives and Husbands

²²Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. ²³For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Now Lets examine the word SUBMIT, SUBMISSIVE, SUBMISSION

Here are a list of dictionary meanings of the words above

unresistingly or humbly obedient
acknowledging one's inferiority
characteristic of a slave or servant;
characterized by tendencies to yield to the will or authority of others
passive
modest
Docile
Subdued
patient etc

So No. 1 says be humbly obedient, so are we saying only the wife is to be humbly obedient and the husband is to be proudly obedient or humbly disobedient????

No. 2 says acknowledging ones inferiority. I mean which man wants to marry an inferiority complexed wife.....does that make the man feel better about himself?

No. 3 says xteristics of a slave and servant. Well just as NO. 2 i don't think anyone wants to marry a slave or a servant or am i being naive here?

No. 4 says yielding to the will and authority. I guess you can say the man is the head of the family and he has the final say after consulting his wife. This one actually makes more sense..

No. 5 thru 9 either should not exist in a marriage (who am i to say) or both spouses should partake in the adjectives.i.e modesty should go both ways and absolutely no one should be subdued unless in fulfilling a sexual fantasy (do i hear dominatrix?)

The point I am trying to make here is that the word submissive is not cut and dry as it has been put out there. And if the bible says wifes do this ...that doesn't mean husbands shouldn't ,for instance the bible also says husbands love and honor your wives...does that mean in return the woman should not do that cos the bible specifically said it to the husbands? I know my reasoning might just be weird but i think that Sometimes, for our own selfish reasons and ego, we choose to take the bible and carve it in our own way ..quoting it to make us feel better when you know Jesus aint mean it that way.

for example

1 Corinthians 14:34 (New International Version)

³⁴women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says.

IS THAT SO TODAY????

Totally random
Today for the first time, i heard about vibrating panties/pata/pioto/underwear/pant you can buy in the store that have remote controls to set the frequency.....hmmmmm Now that gives an idea for gifts for Vagina Appreciation day

Toilet seat up or down...Who wins

2009-02-25T13:42:00.000-08:00

People...Don't you think life would be better if Men used toilet paper to dab/wipe like females do??? (during number 1)

I mean, I grew up in a house with all kinds of females and we never had the issue of toilet seat up or pee stain drama. There was no guy in the house who left the toilet seat up unless we had some non-conforming male guest. Even my dad had to go with the flow, I mean living with that many women, you better soji yourself.

Moving around and living in various places, the issue of toilet seat being up is such a big deal to me. I guess no one, male or female, wants to touch the seat to put it in the position they want.

So my intelligent advice to all MEN, so our bathroom lives would be better. Instead of flicking, shaking, tossing, jumping, wiggling, rotating or whatever y'all do to get that last drop out.....why not tear out some toilet paper and dab like we females do. You won't have to lift the toilet seat or cause some poor girl to fall in the toilet bowl. Just my little advise. I really don't think it takes away the "man" in you if you'd dab or wipe, I mean its more hygienic and you feel more dry and clean.

So my People again...Don't you think life would be better if Men used toilet paper to dab/wipe like females do??? (during number 1)

Lil Child humor

Long time ago at my church in Nigeria, I saw these to children (a boy and a girl) they probably were about 3 or 4 years old. Now they wanted to go pee and their Sunday school teacher told them to go outside and pee in the gutter...( yeah my church can be razz) So these kids go out to the gutter... the boy stands to pee while the girl hikes her balloon dress and squats to pee. Now the look on the boys face was absolutely shocking as he stares at the girl wondering... then he yell's " WHY ARE YOU WEWEING FROM YOUR BUMBUM" I mean the little boy could just not farthom why she did not stand and aim like he did. Ignorance is bliss!!!

Chivalry with Vex Money

2009-02-20T07:35:00.000-08:00

As much of a feminist I like to proclaim, I still somewhat love some types of chivalry to its fullest (Hypocrite you might say), Anyway, I remembered growing up in Nigeria and not having to pay for anything at most outings with male friends. You only carry your "vex money" and you're good to go.

For all who don't know what vex money is... Vex money is the money you take with you just incase you decide to vex for the guy and leave him , or the guy vexes for you and he leaves you ...either way someone is vexed and there are still bills to pay or a cab ride home.

Now, I came to this so called "diaspora" lol.. that just sounds funny ...OK i came to America, and all that chivalnonsense pora bi iso ( disappeared like a fart).

My first dilemma was while in Minnesota, a couple of my male African friends had asked me to come with them to a Chinese restaurant to go eat. I said ok, and since I was going with about 4 guys, i felt there was no need for me to take vex money, even if i needed it, I did not have any money. So I went with them and when we entered the Chinese buffet (its the ones you pay first before you eat) and everyone began to do "OYO" (on your own). Chei!!! i just decided to pose and say " you know, i don't really like Chinese food and I don't want to eat here" ( you know Chinese food is too greasy and blah blah blah) . All i know is after that day, I vowed to never leave my house without some type of vex money/card and I thought to my self ...this can never happen to me in naija oh, me go out with a bunch of guys and I'll still be paying....NEVER

Anyway I have always had the school of thought not to be the only one on the receiving end all the time, at least if some dude pays 60% of the time, its my duty to match up with the remaining 40%. That's my policy and I'm sticking to it. However I have found out that this 60% -40% split only works for naija guys in the diaspora and hardly ever works for naija guys in naija. (or maybe only guys i know)

If i do like someone, I'll probably suggest to pay after about 4 dates or so...lol Anyway during my naija trip, I hung out with a couple of old male friends i had. Every time we went out, they paid and paid and paid, so after a while, I began to kinda feel like a burden..(i don't know why) but i felt the next time we went out, i'll do the paying. Now when i went ahead and did this stunt as they called it, I was heavily chastised for it and they felt that I was
1. Either trying to flaunt my money ( they totally misunderstood my broke self)
2. I was angry at them and felt i needed to insult them by paying
3. Or America has screwed with my brains

Now my people, KI NI BIG DEAL?? (WHAT THE HELL IS THE BIG DEAL?) After all, i was just trying to play my own part and besides, these are the same guys that complain about "hungry girls" always trying to suck a man dry. I mean I was a little offended that my lil gesture was ridiculed and totally misconstrued.

Another thing I've noticed is when I was in naija and you invite people to your party, as a host and celebrant...you are in charge of feeding and taking care of your guests. However in the diaspora..lol , that is not really the case. You either pay for your dinner or pay to drink alcohol...yeah some Brazilian dude threw this birthday bash some 2 weeks ago and decided to collect $10 from his guests before they entered the party.

My people abi... What is all this??? Am I alone here in my thoughts?

My First Tag

2009-02-17T07:31:00.000-08:00

Hi y'all, Hope everyone had a wonderful "v" day and presidents day too. My weekend was a weekend missing naija food. ( all i'll say is I'll never ever use frozen spinach for efo riro again...)

ok tHIS IS MY FIRST EVER TAG, OR MY FIRST EVER TAG I'VE RESPONDED TOO I was tagged by Geebee

OK i think i so broke all rules because i sometimes like to be a non-conformist.

QUESTION AND ANSWER’ TAG

Q & A.

where is your cell phone? on the bed besides me

where is your significant other? on his way

your hair color? Black

your mother? Amazing

your father? Great temperament

your favorite thing? Art, Internet, colored pens

your dream last night? being pampered by my mother (weird i remember)

your dream/goal? Success from making a positive impact

the room you're in? bedroom

your hobby? listening to music while doing art and dancing in front of the mirror

where do you want to be in 6 years? naked on a beach in Taiwan...kidding I'd love to be in Kyoto

where were you last night? At a friends room

what you're not? a girly girl

one of your wish list items? a pent house glass studio overlooking an amazing view

where you grew up? Ibadan

the last thing you did? talking to my parents while taking a dump..lol

what are you wearing? sweatshirt and underwear

your tv? on

your pet? my art works

your computer? Toshiba

your mood? Relieved

missing someone? yeah a bunch

your car? Toyota Celica

something you're not wearing? Bra

favorite store? Walmart ( where else in the world would you be able to get an oil change, pedicure, buy chicken, hammer and nails at 3 am in the morning)

your summer? Enlightening, learnt more about myself..looking forward to this summer....more things to discover

love someone? Yeah ..before... i think

your favorite color?Green

when is the last time you laughed? 3o mins ago

last time you cried? 2009, when leaving my dad

are you a b*tch? Hell no

favorite past time? being 21, nah dancing in front of the mirror semi nude with heels

are you a hater or a lover? Lover..

are you genuine or fake? Genuine

any vices? plenty

pro life or wire hanger? Life

mccain or obama? Obama

pro plastic or natural? Natural

dream job? President of Nigeria/ Onilu ( band singer)

Random Love Post and a naija love letter

2009-02-11T12:25:00.000-08:00

Hey y'all its the season of love again and i felt i needed a post for the period so bear with me ...this would be my most random post ever.

True Love
Over the xmas break when my Dad was critically ill, I looked at all the roles my mum played and I said to myself..."men I have to really love my husband to do all this shit for him" I mean after 34 years...someone should have over pissed someone off to the extent of not caring about the well being of the other...for instance .. A man who's married to a wonderful wife but maltreats his wife in anyway possible by cheating, beating... all manner of abuse and does not provide for the wife, then 30 years later, the man falls critically ill, men I trust myself...well i wont blame the woman for overdosing him with some painkillers, mixing cyanide with his coffee or flat out stepping on the oxygen tube ( I joke oh). I mean she would be very much justified....I don't condone murder or but self defence is ok. So guys treat your ladies well, cos she'll be there for you when you need her the most. (you know men die well before their wives....just a thought.)

Random Love
Today i was chatting with a friend and he said " how is your vday"? the next thing that came to mind was " do you mean how is my Vagina day"? (i really don't know how that popped into my mind) Then i thought..hmmmm what if there's actually a vagina appreciation day... I wonder how that day would be celebrated. I recommend gifts for every functioning vagina....I wonder what type of gifts though.....

Exercise Love
Ok I've been attending this Yogalates (Yoga and Pilates) class for about 2 years now. I have been somewhat faithful to it (its once a week) and i've seen some improvements in my flexibility. Anyway last year the week of valentines day, the instructor introduced some new moves that required some serious pelvic/groin region manipulations. I mean she had us in some gravity defying positions ...concentrating on flexing and stretching the pelvic region. This was the first time she had introduced these new moves and I wondered if it was a coincidence or she was preparing peoples pelvic region for new and exciting positions.( hey hey it was a thought then) But now I am convinced she is preparing her students for vals day cos..men!!! she introduced the same positions today and i felt my ass was going to tear...(sorry for being too explicit but i have to really explain my agony) I guess she only introduces these pelvic moves on the week of vals day for a genuine reason.

Letters of Love
I got this email from a polish girl with a Nigerian boyfriend, she saw my naija love letters and wanted to use them. I was happy ..hey if they can create more love..more grease to the letters, so i decided to unleash another one in yoruba. OK i kinda had these few lines a while ago..actually an ex gave them to me .(not in a romantic way oh) he helped me compose them a lil....here goes

I wont be putting any accents cos frankly..no matter how hard i try..they'd still be wrong so why bother... This would be for a girl from her guy..i guess lets call her Suliat from Ayetoro

Suliat Kan,
Mo feran re bi oyinbo tin feran ciga
Iwo ni olori oko mi
Kaka kin fi e si le..ma ya bomi lo
mo fe ki o mo pe mo wa leyin ree bii ifo
Dakun fenu kun mi lenu , pemiloruko kosi fami ni irugbon

cash ya larer
Oko afesan re....James

Translation
The one and only Suliat
I love you as the white man loves cigarettes
I am all yours
I'll die if I ever leave you
I want you to know that I am 100% behind you like _______ (ok i can't remember what that word means..someone pls help me out)
French Kiss me pls, call my name and pls pull my beard

Catch You Later
Your Fiance......Mr James

Random Question
Ok I was about to enter the elevator from the basement level going to the second floor. I was waiting for the elevator to arrive, when one teacher walked up to me and says "oh let me be lazy and keep you company"
SO my people..was he calling me LAZY for taking the elevator???? I mean i was going 2 flights now!!! Why would be be bringing his wahala and join mines.....lol

I'm Back and more stories

2009-01-31T05:16:00.000-08:00

Praise the lord, I am back..my dad is much better. (He is out of the hospital recuperating) I want to thank everyone for their prayers and warm messages. They all gave me a good feeling during the trying period of my family. Men bloggville is too much

Now I am back in the states and I have a whole lotta gist about my trip. I don't even know how i would begin to spill it. I'd start with the crazy Nigerians i met during this trip...starting from the craziest.

Very obnoxious dude on the plane.

Ok there was this guy quite on the heavy side, all sweaty...wearing a dirty white t-shirt. Baggy jeans that looked like skinny jeans on him. NOw these baggy/skinny jeans was encrusted with rhinestones all on the back pocket. I am trying to take my time to give you a vivid description so you understand my plight
. Anyway this man caught everyones attention because he kept cussing and swearing at the security because some "Belgian" woman was searching him. Anyway he kept yelling throughout the terminal and even in the plane. "fuck shit this is naija..i mean what... bullshit.....yeah naija shit fuck"

Now as i arrived on the plane...i prayed to God pls lord let me not have anyone seating next to me better still let me not have this obnoxious dude seating next to me..... but alas God had plans to humor me. Now obidike (not sure if thats his name but it sounds a lot like his name)was graced to be seating next to yours truly already taking up half of my space. here goes our conversation

Obidike (on seeing me) Jesus!!
Femi B: Why did you say Jesus?....is there a problem?
Obidike: No nothing..he is my brother and I am calling on him
Femi B: Well He is my brother too ,but you seemed to have shouted Jesus in reference to me *** abi am I that beautiful??***
Obidike: my name is obidike ..(stretches his sweaty hairy arms stinking of beer) Nice to meet you
Femi B: (dying from the stench of old beer and sweat) Hello im Femi B
Obidike : I am from Anambra...where are you from?
Femi B: I am a citizen of the world...i don't reference any country.
Obi: HOw? abeg tell me...how i go fit get that kain ting....you dey work for a world organization abi which NGO (Non-profit Org.) you dey work for..abeg show me the way.
Femi B: (laughs uncontrollably) I am only joking, I am only a citizen of the world by heart
Obi: (not getting my joke) please now..tell me...how? wetin you dey do to get that kain thing...abeg now
Femi B: ( decides to continue playing the fool) well sorry they don't just give everyone...you have to walk in my shoes
Obi: (stretches forth his hand and grabs my legs to view my shoes) shey this na the shoe?
Femi B: (appalled at the nerve!!!) Abeg leave my leg wetin cause that kind thing.. and i meant shoes figuratively speaking not literally ok

Then dude goes into a whole speech of how civilization began in anambra and how anambra holds the holies of holies. anyway I decided to raise my feet and place them on the seat in front of me..only to realize..dude had a foot fetish of some sort. Straight he went for my feet and began rubbing...

Femi B: haba what is all this rubbish..( removes my leg forcefully)
Obi: ahah why you dey shakara, please put the feet back
Femi B: (looks around in the full plane for another seat...seems like i'll be seating next to a sexual predator with a foot fetish for the next 6 hours)

We kept battling with the feet and then he tries to start to rub my legs in the process. I wonder where my fire went because i for don whoze am with ifoti to gbona feli feli ( hot slap) but i just choose to be civil and warn him and remove his hand.

Then dude went to sleep and began his snoring feast. I said a quick thank you to God at least he wont disturb me again. only for his hand to be wandering to my thigh and knee trying to rub whilst in deep sleep. Haaaa wetin be this? what is going on in his dreams?? is he sleep rubbing or wetin? I removed his hand and throughout the course of the flight, maybe he did it about 3 times again.

I wondered about my reactions..was i so occupied with the thoughts of leaving my father back in Nigeria in a slightly better condition?, or the fear of what was in stake for me with my landlord since i don dey owe am rent, or school because i had prolonged my stay because of my dad. Too much in my head to want to deal with this pervert of a guy. anyway we got to France and men i ran far away from him not to be seen near him again for the rest of my life.

I kinda asked him what he did in America, because I was curious at what kind of personality he had to hold some type of job and he told me to come to his house to find out...Tufiaka...olorun maje God forbid..thats how i would go there now and then i'll meet a range of cut off human feet nicely displayed on his wall.

Thanks once again for all your messages. I wanted to try and meet some Naija bloggers whilst away but men too much hospital drama and imagine thieves also came to our house in the process. WHEN IT RAINS IN POURS!!!!!

LET ME GO AND TAKE MY ANTI-MALARIA B4 all those mosquitoes begin to send fire e-mails to me from Nigeria

Nigerias Healthcare Nigerians Healthscare

2008-12-31T12:06:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking about moving back to Nigeria for a while now, and every time I come home for the holidays, the thoughts become stronger ...until now. Nigeria’s Healthcare system has scared me big time. It seems there are remedies for all Nigeria’s problems if you have money, but one thing you can't ignore is healthcare. One can tell me”but Femi B if you have money, you can travel out of the country and get treatment outside" But my reply is what if time and movement are huge factors? One leaving in Nigeria should just pray that they never fall really sick because.......

Here are a few problems that bothered me to the top. But I’ll give a quick synopsis

My dad is ill so we've been in the hospital for a couple of weeks now. They tell us to consider ourselves lucky because first, he is in the best hospital (UCH) in Nigeria in terms of expertise and he is in the private suite wing of the hospital (meaning he pays more he gets preferential treatment and a "hotel like" room. BULLSHIT!!!!!

1. This so called "hotel Like" room never has constant water running, we beg them to fetch water and they give us attitude. Light is never constant (a couple of times he has been administered drugs and care with the nurse placing a flash/torch light in her mouth so her hands are free to administer care to him. Nothing is handicap accessible; you literally jump out of the elevator onto the landing (that’s even if the elevator works). Equipment regularly malfunctions or there is no power to turn them on. With all these silly issues, they are charging crazy for their so called "private suite".
We’ve brought our Generator, water, toiletries, gloves and much more because they seem stingy with theirs e.g one tiny harsh toilet roll for one week.

2. Most of these nurses and in-house DR.'s don’t know what they are doing. We have to keep our own chart and document everything because they are not doing their jobs properly or they forget what drugs they've already given him. Mosquito has almost chopped me with the lack of flush doors and mosquito net. And they still charge crazy money
ok maybe their hotel like room, big enough, tv,ac, hot leaking fridge, computer &internet, private bathroom aka bathing disaster, nice paintings, automatic bed the nurses don’t know how to operate and less more..Lol.

3. Using the toilet is a disaster as one has to spread legs so as not to be hitting the sink or the shower basin, because there is no ample space. One would be thinking with this design the contractor must definitely be a retard....nothing else. everything is elevated and there are no ramps, I mean how does one who is confined to a wheel chair or a really sick person manage to enter and have good bath well well without tripping and cracking a skull or two...lol and they continue to charge crazy fees.

Then if they say we are lucky, I wonder what happens to those in the other wards and those that have not gotten money to have such "hospital Luxury". I mean I met a lady down stairs one day asking me to aid her with her son’s drug bill. I imagined it would be so high that was why she could not pay it. Then I asked her to show me the bill, it was N1, 200 ($10) men...I was humbled, I gave her the money and see how this old woman was kneeling to thank me. It’s embarrassed and saddened me a bit. I wonder how many others out there not able to afford some basic things.

Today is the last day of the year, Im thankful for family and friends, those that are praying, prayed and those who are even financially helping us too. More grease to your ashy elbows and may your elbows continue to be greased throughout 2009. Seriously, May God bless everyone tremendously, may God know your house address and may the devil loose your house address... Amen..till next year.
Have a wonderful new year everyone.

UCH Holiday

2008-12-29T13:43:00.000-08:00

At the ending of summer this year, I had some weird thoughts about how I had a perfect family and how everyone was fine and dandy. I looked at each one of the members of my family and not one had any problem or so ever. We have never had any misfortune or any serious issue that couldn't be taken care of. I wondered if God favored my family so much because when you hear other stories of different families....... Then i thanked God and asked him to preserve this grace and mercy over my family.

Now months later, planning to come home to Nigeria for a wonderful holiday, and i came home to nights, days, holidays, birthdays and all in UCH (horrid Hosipital in Ibadan). I asked God why why why? because all i could remember was ..He has always given us grace to triumph such in due time and it seems like this nightmare does not want to end quickly especially during this festive period. I mean how depressing is xmas day in the hospital. (even the UCH staff tried to cheer us up by giving him a gift and taking a picture. I was so mad, who wants a picture remembering such nonsense)

From this experience I have been greatly humbled. I have had some serious pet peeves that now i must say i have overcome them. eg
I can never seem to stand to watch someone brush their teeth. I would almost puke. (however now, I do that for my dad and even much more. I refused to change diapers for my lovely niece because i thought it was just nasty but now i do more for my dad.

My dad is still in the hospital now and i pray daily that he gets better than even before. Tomorrow is going to be his 66th birthday and it pains me that his plan for his "jeans and mini skirt party " would be holding in UCH this year. I love my dad dearly and i believe he is the best dad i could ever have

I remember the year I was to come to the US to study. My mum had travelled and had asked my dad to make sure i got my student visa or she would hold him responsible. My dad in his busy schedule drove me to the embassy that morning and we began to queue. A couple of hours later, we realized that he had forgotten his money bag at yaba which is quite far from where the embassy was considering the traffic in Lagos. My dad suggested going back to the house, but i told him that if he went with his car, he might not be back by the time they call for me and I would not be able to pay for my visa fees and that would hold a huge problem eg not getting my visa

My dad decided to charter an okada man (dangerous commercial motorcycles) in his native attire and head to yaba and back in due time. My dad then was the chairman of Ibadan North Local govt, (like a Mayor of a county) and was also clocking 60. He told me that while crossing the 3rd mainland bridge, he used his fila (hat) to cover his face so no one would recognize him. That small act by my dad made me have the uttermost respect and love for him because i wonder if I was 60 and holding a public office, will i ever take okada (dangerous commercial motorcycles) to aid my child?????

Happy Birthday Akinbayo Olufemi Beckley. Get well soon. Aint i lucky..im named after both my mum and my dad.

We don Land

2008-12-17T16:43:00.000-08:00

Got to Nigeria and went straight to the Hospital. Please help pray for my dad. He is really ill and in the hospital. I have a lot to say about Nigerias Healthcare system but for now, Im focused on doing all i can for my dad to be well and i'll begin my rant of my Nigerian Holiday experience, beginning with the very useless Health care we have.

Miss my blog rounds men ...... saying the internet i've been using in Nigeria is slow ......is a huge huge understatment. I mean if all were like this, I wonder how people don't smash their screens in frustration.

Original, Americanized/westernized

2008-12-08T22:14:00.000-08:00

In a while i'd be leaving the cold of here and heading for the scorching heat of naija for a rockful xmas. I intend to keep blogging as I hope to get unlimited Internet access by God's grace. Anyway I love listening to all types of music and Nigerian music tops the list once a while. I had an argument with a friend of mine about the originality of the Nigerian music out there now. I must say the Nigerian Music industry has grown and developed in the past few years and her complaints were most of them were not original in the sense that they were copying the west in terms of music and music videos. Now I would try and be an advocate for both sides and y'all be my judge to decide the case.

Original

Or so

Being original, we could say we need to keep our culture our heritage. We need to be proud of who we are and stop copying the west on everything they do. Our Music must showcase we are Nigerians ...we are Africans. We have been brainwashed to think that parts of our culture might be "fetish". But this is only done to discredit what the west does not understand. We need to be proud of who we are and no matter what type of culture we have, it needs to be portrayed in all we do. How else can we show that we are not inferior to others if we don't portray our own and be original with what we have.

I mean...if i want to listen to hip-hop, rap, pop, r&B etc, I would stick to the Americans because it is theirs and they know how to do it well well. We need to coin our own and let the world know. The jamaicans have their reggae, trinidad has their soca music,

why can't we coin ours?

Westernized

Then again we could also argue in favor of the westernized music in that every other thing of our lives are mimicked around the western culture. I mean we live in an interdependent globalized world.

Language,

We all speak some form of a western language. our native languages are not part of our national language

food,

Well, we have incorporated a lot of westernized food in our cuisine

wedding

white wedding dresses, some ceremonies and the works are definitely not part of our culture, so does that mean we are not original or in touch with out culture

Movies

We all follow American movies, music, politics, everything

Clothes

Well our casual clothes are very much westernized.

So if we have 98% of our daily life surrounded with western culture, why cant music be part of it to. If i listen toamerican rap music and american hip hop all day, when i want to rap my own.... (garbage in garbage out).

Personally, ... I would listen to any kind of music as long as it is good (vocals, lyrics, beats/musicality) Americanized or original. As long as they are not using Beyonce's beats or Lil Wayne's hooks im ok with it. I guess it is easier to do what you know. A lot of people do not listen to the traditional music anymore and even when they have music awards in Nigeria, fuji, apala, afro juju, juju etc are all left out of the categories. So where do you want these average artiste to dig out their Africaness or Nigerianess from??

First video Rugeddy Baba ft. 9ice

Second Video Dj jimmy jatt ft. Blaise, Sasha (my high school hommie), Bouquoi, Kemistry.

Femi B

2008-12-04T20:37:00.000-08:00

I am so busy with school and travel plans, that I feel I am loosing my blogging mojo and i have started to feel guilty. (I need my mojo back) That sounds so funny cos, i remember mojo also meaning blue film which also means porn...hmmm anyway i feel Like it is a sin now not to update kia kia. I have so much posts to do, but since my brain is all scattered from finals, I'll reserve my thoughts till when final finishes. BTW I am also going to Nigeria for a chieftancy title..yes ke I have been awarded Iyalode ajagunrocker of Blogvilleland situated in Ibadan. I kid oh but im going home for the holidays..yippee. I trust my family..one week of pampering (generator, A.C, real Pounded yam etc) then the remaining weeks doing "house girl" duties. I'll just use this post to do a lil soul searching......who femi B really is

Femi B
Pregnant women, maternity hospitals and new born babies frighten and irritate me. (i am seriously praying against it)

I am disgustingly afraid of cats..i think they'd spit in my eye and i'll go blind

My favorite past time is dancing in my room in front of the Mirror naked (completely sometimes) with heels.

I pick up hobbies as fast as i drop them....most are crafty and artistic/funny hobbies

I absolutely love dark humor. or maybe i see the humor in everything

I imagine how bloggers look like and i have been dead wrong all the time (met some bloggers over thanksgiving break...they are the nicest people ever)

I imagine the lives of people i see and play a movie of them in my head

I always wonder if my parents still have sex and if they do.....what do they do??? my parents are in their 60's

You'd be my friend for life if you can act a fool with me at a blink of an eye. (good friends/good clowns are hard to find)

I have broken my ankles four times and 2 of them were on the same day but 2 years apart. (I can be clumsy)

My ultimate retirement plan is to be a sexy onilu (band singer) i think i might just have the vocals to do fuji,,,my voice sucks but i think I can be quite nasal.

I hate driving because i hate to concentrate for a long time. (my mind likes to wonder)

I am yet to accept my brothers in law as family..nothing personal, they are very nice guys but its taking me longer to see them as family. hmmm..maybe becos i secretly feel they have broken my nice close knit family by taking my sisters away.......lol. holidays and family pics would never be the same again. lol

And lastly i think about moving back to Nigeria all the time. When ....i don't know

Women and Goldigging!!!

2008-11-23T12:09:00.000-08:00

Now i think I am sick and tired of hearing people say..."oh you have to have money before you can open your mouth to talk to a girl" or " Women and money". All this just drives me crazy, it makes me wonder so many things. I do understand that there are some gold diggers in this world and from one of my General Psy. classes i learned that Men are more likely to marry because of Love than Money but Women are more likely to marry for Money or security than love...hmmmmmmmm

Now i would give you different scenarios and ask if these women are gold diggers or not. I would stick to "made up names" so as not to identify any race or ethnic group with anything. I'm a lover of the world..I would write one name now and people go dey fire me with cyber bullets that I am sterotyping.....lol

Seefilis is your typical girl just finishing from college and job hunting, she is approached my many but when choosing, she takes into consideration of those that would compliment her. Her parents are on her case to find a husband quick quick and she sees her friends already marrying or on the verge. There are a couple of male interests, but everyone seems to have comas and question marks.Trojayjay is still in college trying to finish his unending degree, G-sirk has been looking for a job for 4 years, and then there is Durects who apparently has a job and things are going on well with him. Now Seefilis decides to pick Durects to be her boo.... is she a Gold digger???

Herpeas is a woman who is striving for the top. She holds a master degree and has outlined her success path in life. she would not be mediocre but would strive to attain the highest level in her career. Now Herpeas and Crown have been dating since high school. Everyone had believed they'd end up getting married. However problems have aways escalated due to Crowns mediocre behavior to success. Crown enjoys his 9-5 normal job and is ok with the idea of such for the rest of his life. When Herpeas trys to talk to him about his long term career goals...he has no answer or clue. Its very obvious that if Herpeas is not making more money that Crown now, she will eventually do so in the future. Now Herpeas decides to end it all that she needs a man who would be on the same page in terms of career goals.
Is herpeas a gold digger?

Esteedis has just finished her undergraduate degree and decides to enrol into a gradaute program in the hope of finding a man while in grad school. She does not intend to work after school and hopes to be the best house wife she can be. A career is just not her cup of tea, but to be able to find such a man that would "compliment" her..she needs to strategically locate herself in places that such "potentially successful" men would be. Her mother has slaved and worked hard and got no rewards for doing such, so she inturn would like to turn the tables and 'enjoy" on behalf of her mother. Lyfestyl is looking promising as a very inteligent man in her grad class. He looks like a CEO material in the future and she plans on doing everything in her power to get him.
Is she a Gold digger?

To me I think the young girls who go for the 50+ men i believe are the only Gold diggers. Everyone likes good things. These men that are complaining that women are gold digggers..i mean if a man has 2 job offers...one offering $30,000 a year and the other with $120,000 abeg which one you go pick? One thing people should realize that it is not only 'LOVE" that keeps people together, but this does not mean one should marry solely for money. To me I intend to make my own money and be successful too...so its either you are secure enough or u strive to "out money " me.

I mean people would complain shes a gold digger then complain again that "oh she's too successful or too independent'
Abeg, bikko , ofaneh ,please which one you want...(i diverted)

Gold Digger or Not!!!!!

Too Fussy or not???

2008-11-11T19:26:00.000-08:00

Before I begin to explain, I would like to do a quick disclaimer

Femi b loves equality amongst everyone. She is not a hater of any gender!!!! I am not a man hater neither do I burn bras. I do love men and Nigerian men top the list once a while. I just only like to stand for equality ..especially gender equality.

Ok, this fuss started when i had to do some research for class on Compressed Natural gas for cars...boring u might say but believe me thats the way forward in the next 20 years.... Anyway the research was extremely boring that I later found myself reading the Nigerian constitution....(lol wouldn't that be from frying pan to fire?) Well, to my surprise it was an interesting read because by the time I was half way through it..I was mad.It seems those who wrote the constitution completely forgot women existed in Nigeria. I mean, it was so gender specific...obviously gearing towards men, that I wondered what happened to all the female lawyers????

Every line included "his", "he", "him" and I wondered if in Nigeria, there were only 140 million men. Also there was a part in it that said a woman can become a Nigerian citizen if her husband is Nigerian and they completely left out the part of the reverse. Meaning if a Nigerian woman married a man......would she have the same rights? ..as that was completely eliminated from the constitution.Now people can say oh Femi b..your own too much...you are reading too much meaning into it...ahah even the bible says "man"kind and 'son" of God...does it mean they have neglected women? Well my response to that is 'when you have men writing things, there is usually a bias as to how they tell it i.e using he, him, mankind..etc and it is left for we women to correct and check it. I repeat ...what happened to all the female lawyers that study this constitution, in fact, I would call my sister tomorrow

I even went as far as looking at the United States constitution to find out if it had the same thing since the Federal republic of Nigeria is kinda modeled after the United States system. Well my findings were different..it had "people", "individual", "person" and was never gender specific.Now my thing is if they say they really want participation from women in government, they should first start my removing all gender specific grammar from the constitution and then we can proceed from there. Below are some excerpts from the Nigerian constitution 1999, and see if I am making too much fuss about the whole thing

.1) Subject to the provisions of section 28 of this Constitution, a person to whom the provisions of this section apply may be registered as a citizen of Nigeria, if the President is satisfied that -
(a) he is a person of good character;
(b) he has shown a clear intention of his desire to be domiciled in Nigeria; and
(c) he has taken the Oath of Allegiance prescribed in the Seventh Schedule to this Constitution.
(2) the provisions of this section shall apply to-
(a) any woman who is or has been married to a citizen of Nigeria; or
(b) every person of full age and capacity born outside Nigeria any of whose grandparents is a citizen of Nigeria.
There is also a part that says any woman that is married has reached full age..in other words..if a man marries a 9 year old girl, she has reached "full age" and is liable to vote???? weird isnt it.
(4) For the purposes of subsection (1) of this section.
a) "full age" means the age of eighteen years and above;
(b) any woman who is married shall be deemed to be of full age.

I thought this was very interesting and i thought i should share. Am I being to fussy or what?
http://www.nigeria-law.org/ConstitutionOfTheFederalRepublicOfNigeria.html

Too fussy or not?

2008-11-11T17:49:00.000-08:00

Before I begin to explain, I would like to do a quick disclaimer

Femi b loves equality amongst everyone. She is not a hater of any gender!!!! I am not a man hater neither do i burn bras. I do love men and Nigerian men top the list once a while. I just only like to stand for equality ..especially gender equality.

Ok, this fuss started when i had to do some research for class on Compressed Natural gas for cars...boring u might say but believe me thats the way forward in the next 20 years.... Anyway the research was extremely boring that i later found myself reading the Nigerian constitution....(lol wouldn't that be from frying pan to fire?) Well, to my surprise it was an interesting read because by the time I was half way through it..I was mad.

It seems those who wrote the constitution completely forgot women existed in Nigeria. I mean it was so gender specific...obviously gearing towards men, that I wondered what happened to all the female lawyers????

Every line included "his", "he", "him" and I wondered if in Nigeria, there were only 140 million men. Also there was a part in it that said a woman can become a Nigerian citizen if her husband is Nigerian and they completely left out the part of the reverse. Meaning if a Nigerian woman married a man......would she have the same rights? ..as that was completely eliminated from the constitution.

Now people can say oh Femi b..your own too much...you are reading too much meaning into t...ahah even the bible says "man"kind and 'son" of God...does it mean they have neglected women? Well my response to that is 'when you have men writing things, there is usually a bias as to how they tell it i.e using he, him, mankind..etc and it is left for we women to correct and check it. I repeat ...what happened to all the female lawyers that study this constitution, in fact, I would call my sister tomorrow

I even went as far as looking at the United states constitution to find out if it had the same thing since the Federal republic of Nigeria is kinda modeled after the United states system..Well my findings were different..it had "people", "individual", "person" and was never gender specific.

Now my thing is if they say they really want participation from women in government, they should first start my removing all gender specific grammar from the constitution and then we can proceed from there.Below are some excerpts from the Nigerian constitution 1999, and see if i am making too much fuss about the whole thing.
1) Subject to the provisions of section 28 of this Constitution, a person to whom the provisions of this section apply may be registered as a citizen of Nigeria, if the President is satisfied that -

(a) he is a person of good character;
(b) he has shown a clear intention of his desire to be domiciled in Nigeria; and
(c) he has taken the Oath of Allegiance prescribed in the Seventh Schedule to this Constitution.
(2) the provisions of this section shall apply to-
(a) any woman who is or has been married to a citizen of Nigeria; or
(b) every person of full age and capacity born outside Nigeria any of whose grandparents is a citizen of Nigeria.

There is also a part that says any woman that is married has reached full age..in other words..if a man marries a 9 year old girl, she has reached "full age" and is liable to vote???? weird isnt it.

(4) For the purposes of subsection (1) of this section.

a ) "full age" means the age of eighteen years and above;

(b) any woman who is married shall be deemed to be of full age.

T I thought this was very interesting and i thought i should share. Am I being too fussy?

extra extracted from

http://www.nigeria-law.org/ConstitutionOfTheFederalRepublicOfNigeria.html

Am I

Am I Black or Naija Caramel?

2008-11-02T13:03:00.000-08:00

I went to this event on my school campus titled " Genocide in the black Community". The topic was about how 50% of black Americans commit abortions in their life time. And how most abortion clinics are targeted at them by locating their clinics in black neighborhoods. Now the crazy thing is that my school is like 95% white students with very very very few black students. My first thought was why would they want to hold such an event on a campus that the focus group is not even present. I mean the silly speaker went as far as saying "the most dangerous place a black baby can be its in its mothers womb". Now such statements like that is just extremely offensive, and then to air such in a predominantly white school...only fosters more prejudices, stereotypes and discrimination on the few black people in school. (in my head i am thinking ...now that hot hot oyinbo boy in my MBA class that i have been stalking would be thinking twice before making me his baby mama....thanks for ruining my dreams..lol..i kid oh.) Anyway trust me and my noise making... we went to the President of the school and filed a complaint, we'd see how that pans out.

I try to always distance myself from the 'black" stereotypes because frankly..we are different people.. my mentality is very different being raised in Nigeria where i am led to know and believe that i am the best of the best wherever I go..to someone being raised in America as a black person thinking they just might not be the best. (Slavery is a bastard men). However as much as i try to distance myself, my world around me here keeps reminding me I am black and that people would continue looking at me with "African American" stereotypes...till i prove them wrong. I remember my first few classes before i could establish Femi b's intelligence..everyone looked at me like i was an idiot, till i proved them wrong.

Am i wrong for trying to distance myself from the 'african americans" stereotype? I wonder if they had very apealling and nice sterotypes would I still want to be my own African, Nigerian, yoruba, girl and not be 'black". I keep wondering how my appearance can show i am nigerian without people hearing my accent...can i inscribe the Nigerian flag, coat of arms or map on my forehead? ) I am sure yardy would be proud of me..i just might be nigeria's sexy mascot..lol.

I saw this website that said stereotpes for nigerians included being .loud, aggressive, clever and starving. Now thats the funniest thing i have ever heard....to be all that but......then starving? men .. hunger dey catch some people sha.... very funny. I was expecting scamming to be part of the list ..but oh well better luck next time. lol

Oyinbo- White person
yardy - Nigeria's current president

Happy Birthday Mama Beckley

2008-10-28T07:43:00.000-07:00

Today is my mums birthday ..and I wish I could be there with her to celebrate it. I have not been with her on her birthday since i moved to America some 6-7 years ago, and i hate that fact. So mummy, heres what I am thinking...............

AS the years passes, I realize that although we have millions of talks and conversations, I have never taken the time and opportunity to thank you for all you have done for me and tell you just how much you mean to me and how much I value our relationship.

As I get older and grow from your little girl, to Femi B... It is you that I must thank for the values and character that have allowed me to achieve the successes and crazy endeavors that I have. I thank you for realizing the importance and value of your encouragement and criticism; they molded my drive , shaped my ambition and toughened my skin. These words taught me to believe in myself and reach for the sky.

It is comforting to know that i have the assurance of your support in ALL my endeavors as well as the benefit of your opinion in all matters concerning my best interest and my idiosyncrasies. I am blessed to have you

You are my Shero and when i grow up..I want to be like you and I see I am slowly becoming your unique self. I love you mummy and I am lucky to have the best mother in the world.

Baba Beckley don't be jealous oh...you know we see now....

Femi B the expert Witness

2008-10-17T09:23:00.000-07:00

Finally i am able to share this wonderful experience to y'all. It has been biting me so much, that i have not been able to come up with berra berra posts. so let me explain what this is about

name: Femi B
Job: Expert witness/consultant
Job description: Translating pidgin English to English for the district attorneys office

Ma people..na so i see am oh. I got to work one day and my boss told me that she got a call from the district attorneys office asking if they had any Nigerian individuals in the school that would be willing to translate a Nigerian language. Well, me i said i would do it...you don't know whether one day you might need a favor from the county, so i decided to help out. (u know.. maybe if i do well they fit dash me blue pali..lol)

A couple of days later, I went to the district attorneys office and was introduced to the case and was told what i had to do. A Nigerian individual, i'll call him Pretty Ricky to keep his identity before them wooze me slap. Anyway Pretty ricky had been arrested for some kind of bank fraud (419, yahoo yahoo, forwarding and backwarding..anything u wan call am). Well Pretty ricky was in jail and had been making phone calls from jail and speaking to individuals in pidgin English about the case.

Now as an expert witness, my job was to listen to the phone conversations, transcribe and translate. This was not an easy job as...pretty ricky is from the south eastern part of Nigeria ,meaning he is faster in his pidgin and to make matters worse, he was a stammerer. Anyway i was told i'd be compensated for time spent..so extra money to listen to pidgin....i told the lady "norrin norrin, i go do am'

During all these translating sessions..i kept wondering if i was a sell out Nigerian..helping all these oyinbo people convict my naija bro, especially when i heard him speak with his children who are very very young. Then i thought to myself..these are the people who are spoiling the Nigerian name...that is why anytime i say i am Nigerian, they check my documents 5million times..thats why there are too many hassles at embassies , point of entries, closing business deals and being introduced to your non-Nigerian friends parents. I am sure my naija people in the diaspora know what i mean. It aint easy to be a Nigerian in the international community.

Now the bombshell came when Mrs ADA said i had to testify in court and be infront of pretty ricky and well wishers..them even dash me subpoena (na supina i dey spell am b4 oh ). I was frightened oh, men i can just be walking on the street and one fan of pretty ricky go come give me one gbosa like the one on lg's blog. Then i thought..ahah this na Femi B..... person wey fit do that to me...dem no born am yet....ahah contrary to what you may think..i am a rough neck..lol ..damn i couldn't even complete that statement without laughing. Whatever, i sabi front well well soo...

Now the annoying thing was the compensation..... infact i am angry at the mugu moves i did . Mrs AdA asked me how much i want to be paid but that it has to be through my office in school. Now in my head i am thinking $30/hr but my boss told me to say $10/hr that the office is doing it for like free..??? (ahah na she dey translate? abi na she know all the funds used for me to learn pidgin) anyway i decided to say $12/hr..bolo/mugu move on my part. Then after i signed the contract, i later found out they pay translators $150/hr. Chei...i wan cry well well. I showed my concern .but wetin i go do...i don open mouth yarn nonsense and Mrs ADA sef soji well well. Well next time...once bitten 2x shy.

I appeared in court and it was the most nerve racking..i thought i was the one on trial. Defense attorney was just firing me with this question that question...i wanted to yell at him..ahaha na me fraud commonwealth of Pennsylvania..abeg free me joo. But pretty ricky just dey squeeze face...dey try locate my face..me i dey dodge the stare down like i dey dodge bullet. After i finished the 45 mins cross examination, I just ran out oh....i was shaking like a wet dog.I was supposed to wait and listen to the rest of the case so i can do proper gbeborun to bloggville but men, anxiety catch me and i just left the court....only to meet pretty ricky's kids in the lobby..my heart bled for them oh...oldest must have been like 8 and there were 3 of them.

I might call Mrs ADA later to fill me in on the gist sha.

THATS IT OH.. FEMI B AS AN EXPERT WITNESS....... I need to go find my own bodyguard now...fineboy agbero..how far? i know you fit do that kind job? my inspirational peeps aloted, oluwadee, rita, simeone..abeg please pray for me oh.

News Update!!!
Mrs ADA just called me now now and said the jury said i was the star witness... . Also the story is going to be published in the local papers tomorrow. click here

In the meantime........

2008-10-14T08:00:00.000-07:00

No real post update yet, so i have cheated and uploaded pics of my work. I wanted to do a repost..but i thought that would be cheating 100% . In lieu of my much awaited appearance in court, i would leave this only to take back my blog from the unnamed. Stay tuned for Femi B as an expert witness...Law and order here i come.

CREDIBILITY

2008-10-08T14:26:00.000-07:00

I really did not want to write further about this issue, but because of the kind of person i am, and some advice from a fellow blogger/friend..I have decided to. The kind of person i am...i totally believe in credibility..One thing i hate the most is to be mistaken or for someone to tell me i did when i did not. Y'all remember my post about Dapo Lam Adesina? "My ordeal with the ram". Anyway..Mr Dapo Lam found my blog..which i am glad he did. Well, he read the posts and was angry about some comments i had made that i reported things wrongly. Now i would list all the issues and analyze it and let y'all be the judge.

1. Ram issue
He (DLA) was mad because i used the word ram when referring to his dad and that i had insulted his dad.
My blog is for fun, i would not disrespect anyones father..those were the names his father was referred to when he was in office. If i wanted to talk about Obasanjo..i would list..oby, uncle sege,king kong etc...as they were the names he was referred to. However i did apologize if he felt i insulted his dad but stated that i would not change what i had written. (stubborn aint I)

2. Awarding Contracts
DLA was angry that i was spreading false rumor that his dad had awarded him a contract and he handled it badly. Abeg, that was what i heard....and I stated that was what i heard..abi if you did not get any contract... just say you did not..and we'll be the judge of either believing you or not. He decided to swear in the name of God to emphasize that it was a cooked up story.. You be the judge.

3. Rude
DLA had accused me of making blogville think he was rude to me with our conversations. Now i don't know how i can do that when i copied and pasted exactly what the conversations were word for word. I did not think he was being rude and i don't think i conveyed the message of him being rude....please blogville you be the judge

4. False information
This is where I was worried...he said i was giving people false information as to what really transpired on the groups forum and one of his friends made a comment on my blog calling me a liar. I repeat again..how can i distort copy and paste messages. Here is the link on the group ***** theres a lot of comments but you can can go look for yourself and be the judge of that.

There are other minor details but i don't want to get into every minor detail. This post is not to point fingers but only to let y'all be the judge if I Femi B, falsified anything.

Who would you vote for?

2008-10-05T11:03:00.000-07:00

I have still been posting comments on the facebook group of "The Rams" son, (Dapo Lam Adesina). Anyway, I realized that anytime i wanted to make a comment on the page, i made sure i changed my profile picture to femiB as you can see above. I really wanted to be taken serious and i did not want any distractions from my message. Anyway i stopped making comments on the page and i changed my profile picture to phemmie bee (as you can see above) then recently i got an email from the group and i decided to make another comment . (yes ..i like to talk too much) I pounded on the keys so much that if forgot to change my profile picture to femi b. Then all of a sudden, i was getting friends request from members of the group. I immediately changed my picture back to femi b. (men.. all these changes are just confusing abi haba) Anyhow, there was a comment on the groups wall, asking why i had changed the phemmiebee pic to femi b even though my head was not showing.

Anyway i am not saying i am not proud of sexy phemmie bee (haba! let me be... at least if no one thinks i am..let me think i am) but the fact of the matter is, i think women are not taken seriously when they are dressed in a certain way and the essential message is lost. Do women always have to dress down to be taken seriously? because we all know there are some women who do not need to wear tight fitting, cleavage showing dresses to still look HOT.

That made me think that if Sarah Palin..who is on the vp ticket with John McCain for the US presidential election in November, wore a tight fitting skirt, low cut dress shirt under her blazer and some "fuck me heels" (yes! that term exists and i learnt that term, jan 2008) at the just concluded debate with Joe biden, would she have been taken seriously? Or if hilarysexy Clinton had worn tight fitting dresses, ( that woman gat some booty and hips) would people just focus on her curves and not her message? Anyone ...male or female wondering where to get a pair of "fuck me heels" holla and i'll hook you up good.

Now flipping the script..what if Barack Obamasexy came out as shown above.(sorry this was the quickest photoshop i could do) would he be taken seriously by his male counterparts or would only the female and the gay voters be distracted?
OR AM I JUST FREAKING PARANOID AND NO ONE REALLY CARES HOW YOU DRESS IF YOU INTEND TO BE A POLITICIAN?

Who would you vote for my people...Phemmie Bee or Femi B?........
I AM FEMI B/PHEMMIE BEE .....AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE!!!!

Biden and all that Jazz

2008-09-28T07:56:00.000-07:00

I am so tempted to do a post of my recent encounter with the office of the district attorney in my county, thats why it has been hard to come up with another topic. I would post the details after the trial is over..all i would say is I was.. and is going to be an expert witness he he he...and to others..i might be unpatriotic...hmmmmm...so Law and Order SVU here i come.
Anyhow, i'll just do a quick post about my meeting with Joe Biden. Ok.it all began on a warm summer morning. ...bird's chirping, butterflies frolicking... squirrels and rabbits shagging..ok Let me stop. I actually woke up labor day morning to go to school and do some work, but as i stepped out of my house..i saw news agents vans..SSS...police...multitudes of people on the street. Hmmm my street that only people half way to the grave reside there.It was great to see most of my neighbours for the first time..all with breathing tanks, scooters, walkers and adult diapers perharps? I wondered why there was so many people and then i asked around and they said Joe Biden was in one of the houses holding a function. For all those who might not know who Joe Biden is...he is the Vice President pick for Obama in the Nov 4 U.S presidential elections. Anyway I was excited that i was going to meet a probable vice president of a country. Well, after two hours of roasting in the hot sun, (who send me message) and these ugly SSS people frisking us...(i thought all SSS were cute...wrong) as if na Biden we go bomb? I mean Joe who? Well he finally came out signed autographs and i caught myself waving back at him....i was mad i did that..i always like to keep my cool ...not like it was Obamasexy or Hillarysexy.

The Crotch or The Cleavage

2008-09-17T11:07:00.000-07:00

There was this game show I saw on tv of how people were supposed to go through a hole in the wall..Anyway my issue was that everyone wore this metallic silver body suit to play the game. Now, we know that a metallic silver body suit shows all contours and all protrusions and i noticed my eyes kept wandering to the men's crotch area. I was fascinated at the different curves,lines,shapes..generally all elements of design of that groin region. (I am into arts oh) Then i had an AHA moment and realized why most men never pay attention to the face when having a conversation with a female wearing a low cut shirt. I realized that it was very fascinating to see just the different groin area sizes and i realized cleavage also comes in different sizes so maybe thats why they get stared down more.

First of all i am wondering if my weird assumptions are true or are there more reasons to why eyes wander? I would also like to do more research on that area and would love if all men wore metallic silver bodysuits so they know exactly how it feels when people do not pay attention to the face but look at a significant part of the body while in conversation.

Another rant
After my ongoing conversation with the RAM, i decide to put up some statement on my facebook status saying " Why do i have to be a man to sound intelligent" Now i have had it for about a week up, and i've been getting many messages ONLY from guys either agreeing,disagreeing, appologetic, or giving explanations to why that is. I wondered if ALL men actually feel sorry about sexism and gender inequalities. Mind you no female made mention of my status statment...maybe they agreed in silence or disagreed in annoyance..i'll never know.

I really don't like doing blog public service announcement on here but....

Heres a blog y'all should try out...really nice writing style http://osopimping.blogspot.com

My Ordeal with the Ram...lol

2008-09-07T08:56:00.000-07:00

I had previously wanted to do a post on witches and all that Jazz but since wellsbaba beat me to it..lol the post flew out of my brain. Actually it was about the prevalence of witches in naija/ Africa (ok when next i say naija..i mean the whole of Africa...does that sound ignorant?) ok ..i repeat the prevalence of witches in naija and the lack there of or lack of fear of them here in the so called western world.

Most naija people fear witches or evil people..in that when people are traveling they don't tell people, when women are pregnant they don't tell... until they show and when they show..they remain in doors. Receiving sprayed money at wedding is wahala...not because of EFCC but because of the fear of an evil spirit prophesying evilness into the money and slamming it on your dancing face. So many superstitions and so many fear of this and that and this ana...
However, in the west ( i would speak for the US since thats where i am based), people are not really afraid of witches...even naija people..they are more open to say when their due date is or the sex of their baby....they'd tell you everything and not worry about witch A or witch B that would eat their babies or fry their ovaries.

SO my question is... are these witches just naija based or the ones here are on a different level..cos frankly i think all them fortune tellers and madames...are witches in some way.

OK i think i did a good job in trying to remember my post sha but i'll add some ranting.....ok i got this facebook invitation to a group called Dapo "Lam" Adesina for House of Rep. for Oyo state..2011. NOW any of you who don't know, Dapo "Lam" Adesina...he is the son of former Governor of Oyo state, Lam Or Lamidi or Ram Adesina....but those were the names he was known by when he was in office. Now i've heard silly stories of this young Dapo Lam guy of how his dad awarded him contracts and he handled it "badly"..thats all i'd say for now. Anyway, i was kinda mad, so i wanted to blast him on this facebook group thing..then i saw how others were blasting him and some praising him also..its a weird group.
Anyway, I decided to be tactful and give him the benefit of the doubt that he might just do some good...but i tried not to bulshit..i'll post our conversation

Femi Bwrote

at 8:08pm on August 31st, 2008

All i'll say is i hope you don't bullshit...I hope your intension's are genuine unless..... there would be repercussions. I would not say your dad was that great of a GOv, cos frankly there have been more useless GOvs in Oyo state, so its hard to compare. Notwithstanding, one cannot punish you for sins your dad may or may not have committed. Its up to you to determine if you'd create a great name for yourself and not hide under daddies agbada. I dont seem to hear too many great stories about you...but I guess thats why you have to prove them wrong. I like your ambition...just dont screw it up...prepare yourself well well and stop with the" que sera sera" nonsense . If someone asks you for a manifesto...prepare a damn manifesto even if we are still in 2008

someone had asked for a manifesto and his answer was que cerra cerra..(what will be will be)...WTF!!

Dapo Lam Adesina wrote
at 4:24pm on September 2nd, 2008

Mr femi beckley thanks for the comments.Taken note of the points.A manifesto on facebook dont u think i wld be a clown.i have heard a lot bout u 2.Is your father Chief bayo beckley?Bodija,ibadan.besides former cottons club?very interesting

Imagine the lad had the audacity to call me a MR. and say he 's heard about me???

Femi B wrote

at 5:32pm on September 3rd, 2008

Mr Dapo "Lam" Adesina frankly i think you should loose the "lam" but hey ..its not my business. Anyway you might not be a clown, but you do crack jokes as I am not a MR. I am 100% all FEMALE. You are correct about your assumptions. however, you dont need to put a detailed manifesto on Fb... All i was saying was if u indeed have good intentions(manifesto/platform) for Oyo state, tell that guy what they are ..vaguely . for instance...nah let me stop ..you never know i might be your opposing candidate for rep...lol

At least he could have stated Oyo states pertinent issues that he is passionate about and given a summary of how he might tackle it..or just list the issues facing oyo state...i mean what exactly makes you want to represent Oyo state in Abuja???

Dapo Lam Adesina wrote
at 5:05am yesterday

femi i am very sorry i reffered to u as masculine.Hope my apologies are accepted?I really do appreciate ur comments.i wont mind having you as my opponent,sure it wld be a smooth ride 4 me....lol.watch out when the time comes for the real manifesto and not some child play on fb.i can assure u i av very pure intentions and the Lam thing i cant cos i am proud of it.The questions i am sure ur pop knows a lot bout my fathers achievement cos he was a local government chairman when my pop was n govt.Hope that answers.thank u so much,u are appreciated

In ma mind.,.apology accepted..but wetin concern my dad.. with the price of fish in Onitsha ? and saying I'd be a smooth ride...now i indeed wanted to bring out my viscious feminist side and eat him alive....but then again i thought that i'll only unleash the feminist bitch in me when it is absolutely necessary...i dont want people thinking I am those feminists that burn bras and dont shave their armpits and legs.....and i still strongly believe in chivalry...lol
Anyway i also want to give him the benefit of the doubt that the reason he said it would be a smooth race for him if i ran against him ..would not be because I am FEMALE........

Imagine other people replying me and saying oh I have guts for a woman....are u saying women dont have guts? Anyway I just thought i'd share...Funny enough when i told my father about the posts...he said he was proud of me probably cos i have shown interest in politics unlike my siblings.

***I wrote this post while attending online church...witches May fire continue to consume you amen*****

Yoruba Novelty Card draft

2008-08-28T10:37:00.000-07:00

My first try at making a Yoruba novelty card.
Front card- Olomi jojolo (my little darling)
Inside card- Je kin fi owo ba e je (Let me use money to spoil you)

Click image to enlarge

Camping Trip

2008-08-26T10:41:00.001-07:00

Last weekend i went camping with my house mates. I have never gone camping before (the real one) and i suddenly developed an interest when GNG had blogged about it.

I headed of to Maunch chunk lake in Pennsylvania, an hour and a half drive away from me. It was really a drive through the woods. At several times i got so scared because i was the only one on a narrow road with trees high as the sky for about 15 mins. I mean ...you could barely even see they sky. Anyway i got there and i had missed the rock climbing, hiking and bike riding experience..i was a little bombed about that, but then again, when i tried to picture my self trying to lift my behind on a rocky mountain...i laugh and thank God i missed it.

We got to the camp site and sat around the fire eating steak, boiled clams and playing music. I had the drums to beat on (i guess i was the only black person there, so i had to show my rhythmic skills). After, we played some weird game called slack line. Its where you tie a rope to two trees and try to steadily walk on the rope without falling. Chei!, i tried it oh , but as i put one leg on it..my whole body was just giggling..like i was dancing shina peters. After 5 trys, I gave up so as not to embarrass my dear self. We ended the night and went to sleep and it was the most uncomfortable sleep I've slept in a while. I did however wake up with a toad in my tent hopping away. I wonder if it was supposed to be my prince charming.....now i will never find out oh, cos it did not wait for me to kiss it...stupid frog.

I did have a very calming time away from civilization, but i couldn't help but think what a different experience i would have had if i had gone with my Naija crew...men we would have had some serious fun. First of all the food would have been slamming, i mean i can bet my life that someone would have cooked at least jollof rice. (you hear cook outs and BBQ's and some how...J-rice just has to find its way in)

I also know we would have had some stimulating argument on naija politics or Obama or We would have done our own Karaoke to Yahooze or Gongo aso.

Anyway I owe this experience to Good naija girl , cos she got me thinking about the whole camping thing. Maybe someday we would get to camp in Canadarrrr ..lol( i have a friend who says canadar with the rolling R and Eforr too...weird)

What would you be remembered for?

2008-08-21T09:52:00.000-07:00

I think about what my purpose is for this life. I do want to be remembered for something and leave my mark on this earth. Then i wonder how all these great people left their names even those that are still living.. Their names are synonyms for some kind of achievement...good or bad
Like when someone says "men...that chic is a Margret thatcher"(first female prime minister of England) everyone knows you can't mess with that chic cos she is fire. Here are a list of names and their synonyms,

Ben Johnson - running fast outta there (100m olympic runner)
Mother Theresa- Charitable (a nun that was charitable)
Cliford Orji - Human eater (a lagosian that ate other lagosians)
MJ Michael Jackson- Rocker/ Dancer
Dangote Rich man (Nigerians billionaire)
Bill gates Wealthy man (Microsoft)
Warren Buffet Very wealthy man (richest man in the world)
Domitila Ashewo (nigerian movie about a prostitute)
Hitler - wicked person (Adolf hitler, creator of the holocaust)
Martha Stewart- Jack of all trades ..but recently..jail bird
Denzel - One very fine bobo (Hollywood actor)
Osama- hmm i'll leave that one for your imagination...i've already gotten SSS come look for my humble self before..long story
MufunMula Olowo tin fowo shanu... (Rich man that gives charity) (this one is strictly for Ibadan folks) don't know his full name

I can't think of any other right now. The point is that i would like my name to be synonymous for something great... even the likes of Micheal Phelps and Usani Bolt are already working towards that as a pool beast and a track beast .

Me, Femi B would like to be synonymous for A CHARITABLE WOMAN WHO WAS THE FIRST FEMALE PRESIDENT OF NAIJA AND RETIRED TO BEING AN ONILU( BAND SINGER) AND A COMICAL ENTERTAINER

Anyway that just too long as a synonym but i would like to be known for my contributions to oppressed people.

What would your name be synonymous for?

i want to make a sentence using the names above........

Men, my heartbeat is racing like Ben Johnson, because my wife caught me with some Domitila looking girl. Its not my fault that the women love me, it cos of my Denzel looks and my Bill gates wallet. If she is not careful i would just Osama my way outta this marriage......

Wanna try....N20.00 to anyone who succesfully used Femi b...lol

Vote for sasha for best female video HERE

Naija Style Love letters II (Pidgin)

2008-08-07T12:10:00.001-07:00

After much searching for material from my brain of my limited pidgin resources, I have finally finished my love letter in pidgin. I think i prefer the Yoruba one or what do you think? Yoruba has away of making things sound heavy. Please fluent pidgin people...i tried oh but i have some kind of handicap....So this is my disclaimer...lol So Solomonsydelle feel free to use it oh.

Bonaventure my bobo, I dey hail u oh….una well done . U too fine pass all the bobo wey full ground.

The kain tin wey dey do me na say, na soso anytime wey my eyes dey connect with una, na so my heart go dey do marathon.

If I take my eye look anoda bobo, walahi…e no go beta for dat kain eye.

Sugarpie, I gbadun you pass my mama (insert your own food)

If you no gree for me, I go take my head knack for ground

Honeypie, All the pikin wey I for born……na only u I wan born am for.

Anytime wey I dey by ur side, I know sey,,, better go dey for okra soup

Bonnypie, Abeg this love wey I get for you pass love wey pass all.

Forever and ever titi lailai na me only go be for you and na you go be for me

Na me oh
Lovette (your boo boo)

GREEN NAIJA GREEN.........NAIJA BORN GREEN

2008-07-31T16:58:00.000-07:00

I am in the design/architecture industry and we are bombarded everyday on how to be GREEN. Green design, Green design Green Design. So since i am still compiling material for the continuation of Naija style love letters in pidgin, i thought i'd share this.

I just completed one of Algore's book(the inconvenient Truth) about how we are damaging this planet, i began to think of ways to BE GREEN. Then i realized that many of my naija friends including some other African friends and I were kinda born GREEN.

So when i see my friends in school try to be GREEN by buying recycled "finished"products, earth friendly products,....(i just saw these Green dresses on Project Runway last night.) That reminds me.... my teacher also showed me a carpet that could be eaten.....hmmm an edible carpet..Anyway back to my point, i think these people who go out of their way to buy recycled goods which are most likely more expensive are doing a good job at least for a start. But the fact is that most of these products that are so called GREEN still go thru a manufacturing process that probably still causes global warming.

Then i think about ways I was GREEN in naija without even knowing it and it did not cost me a dime. So i complied a list of things my friends, family did, and things i saw, heard that are 100% GREEN and don't cost anything...even they are economical....heres the list...grosse or not..they helped save this planet in some way

1. Torn pieces of a sack of rice used as a sponge for washing dishes
2. Old chair foam torn and also used as sponge for washing dishes
3. old ice-cream tubs as topper ware/fridge storage.
4. old coffee jars as condiment canisters like pepper and salt
5. old clothes as rags/mops (not sure if a good idea)
6. Rain water for dirty jobs (not sure if a good idea either)
7. Newspapers as wrapping paper.....especially for the "passing the parcel"
8. Newspaper for suya(beef kebab) boli(roasted plantains), roasted corn, peanuts..etc
9. offering bags instead of offering envelops. (common now lets save the trees)

I could go on and on with more ridiculous methods of "being GREEN", but the question is...were we concerned about recycling or was it just a way of economizing or just plain poverty? What were other ways you guys recycled without even knowing it?

Naija style Love letters part 1

2008-07-18T12:53:00.001-07:00

Some years back, a friend and I used to write mockery love letters in Yoruba, pidgin and all sorts. They were strictly for fun so I decided to try my hands out again on a Yoruba love letter and see if I've improved on my "D7 WAEC" Yoruba (i know i failed oh, I was so useless). Anyway here is my rendition of a love letter written by a Guy to his beloved...Adufe. I'll add a translation for obvious reasons. Here it goes...

WARNING!: Ami (accents )might just not be correct but bear with me

Adùfẹ...... owunmi lobìrin, oréké lé wà ọmọgé...mo nífé rè tori torùn, tèsè táyá, tojú, tẹ́nu
Odùn lobìrin lá tokè dé ìsàlè. Tim bá tin ri ẹ áyá mi á ma ṣẹ gbìgbìgbì
Ọlọmọgé Ẹlẹjè tutu
Larìn awọ̀n ọmọ obìrin tí o wa layẹ yìí, iwo ni ọkàn mi yàn
To bá kọ̀ látì fẹ́ mi, mo má pá rá mi si ẹ lórùn
Wá ṣe temi..emi náà fẹ́ ṣe tí ẹ
Awọ̀n sisi pọ ni gbóró tí mo fí yan ẹ
odùn jú gbógbó cranberry juice layẹ yìí ati ọrún....

Adùfẹ baby mi... jọ́wọ̀ dákun ṣe temi.....babi yii jóò
mo fí ásíkọ yìí ṣélérí fún ẹ wípé nígbò jò, nígborùn, bí ìlẹ́ bán jó, bólẹ̀ bán já, tí ẹ ní mó má ṣé lojokojo

Ti ẹ ni tóòtọ
Ọkọ Adùfẹ

English
Adufe...a woman of my choice, beautiful young damsel. I love you from head to toe
Sweet lady from top to bottom. Whenever I set my eyes on you....my heart beats fast
Cool calm and collected beautiful damsel
Of all the women in the world, you are my hearts choice
If you fail to be with me, I can kill myself
Be mine, I want to be yours
There are many women in the world but i picked you
You are the sweetest juice ever
Baby please, be mine, please now,
I want to use this time to let you know that in all weather conditions and disasters, I'll be yours at all time

Truly Yours
Adufe's Boo

Thanks to everyone who helped in giving me a line or two charizard, Wellsbaba
stolen or original, used or not used..thanks. And to the guys that might wanna steal this and use for their babes........ feel free....lol. I'd like to do a pidgin one too..but hmmm...so if you have such lines please share. I am pidgin challenged sometimes. I'll quote you MLA style..thanks

Gender Bias

2008-06-26T15:30:00.000-07:00

Gender bias, How i hate it so much.
I was talking to some naija dude and i asked him to tell me about himself.....

"Give me your 15 second elevator speech, sell yourself" i said
He goes..."erm I'm 6'2 dark, ladies man, very sexual....I mean i have a high sex drive" (HSD)

Now, I'm thinking to my self... (not judging the guy, i mean its ok to have a healthy sexual appetite) ...and wondering if a female gave that same 15 second elevator speech, wouldn't she be considered a ho! (amongst naija folks). Now i am definitely not equating the fact that since the dude has a HSD, he automatically is a ho!!. I wonder what the definition of a HO!! is? Or the fact that some guys would say "OH she's been around" around with who? if shes been stigmatized cos she has been around with "these guys", then I hope "these guys" too are stigmatized and labeled as "oh he's been around".
The point I am trying to put across is the fact that women are more likely to be degraded in terms of their sexual prowess than their counterparts. I believe an Ashewo (ho) transcends all gender...it does not discriminate. I think i have more male friends that are ho's than female friend ho's. (hmmm.. are they my friends or acquaintances..... hmmm my mother says show me ur friend and i'll.........I am not a ho oh!!!! lol) What again is this definition of a ho? CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME OUT! My friend who is a Human Rights lawyer told me about a case she is handling whereby a man divorced his wife because she was moaning while having sex.(lol, next time she'll bite her lip/tongue and shut the hell up!!!) I thought that was just ridiculous, shouldn't he be proud of his performance and his ability to please her? Then again, i think about female circumcision and the basis of it that a woman would be promiscuous if she did enjoy sex. ..... I guess it was probably those men that could never satisfy their women as a result of their shortcomings, so they decide to formulate this stupid theory and make a useless law out of it.

So i say more of us women need to be in the government in some way...Politicians, Lawyers, Human rights activists, law makers/enforcers, noise makers ...etc the more women that are in such positions and roles, the more we are able to be heard and rid these useless things they keep using to demean us.

ONE NIGERIA

2008-06-13T12:08:00.001-07:00

Do i believe in a One Nigeria, ...Well i would love to believe in it but........

I must say my perception of Nigeria's tribes and ethnic groups have changed over time. I used to be very narrow minded and think Nigeria was only made up oh Igbo, Yoruba and Hausa and everyone had to fall under one category and call it a day. Anyway Glad i am very well educated and don't make such dumb mistakes anymore. Now i wonder what makes someone an indigene or a stranger of a place.
For instance, I was born and raised in Ibadan, Oyo state but if anyone were to ask me where i was from, I would proudly say Abeokuta, Ogun state. Even my last name gives it away that i am either from Lagos or from Ogun state, because of the English last name. Anyway my issue is that if i have lived all my life in a certain place, doesn't that mean i have naturalized and become a citizen of that place? Like as i was born in UCH ibadan, and raised in Ibadan, shouldn't i be said to be from Oyo state (eww) or be able to hold a political office in Oyo state?
I remember when my dad was running for Local Government chairman for Ibadan North local Govt in Oyo state. It was such a hassle because, Oyo state natives swore they would never swear in an ajeji (a stranger) . How can my father be a stranger in oyo state. His father lived in Ibadan, held a public office in Ibadan, my father lived in Ib, paid taxes , ran his business in ib and now they see him as a stranger? Now i think about people complaining about Igbo people in Lagos and how some of them want to run for public office and it seeming absurd. If Mr "Okafor" is like a third generation Lagosian what disqualifies him from running for office in Lagos State.
My mum would argue that oh its different because he is igbo and not Yoruba and a Yoruba man would never even dream of planning to run for office in an Igbo state. Well i dont know about that but i think if everyone thinks that way, then there would never be a One Nigeria.
For example Hillary Clinton, born in Pennsylvania, lived in Arkansas and then senator representing New York....... well we can argue that America is not comparable to Nigeria because of obvious reasons. So do we want a One Nigeria or was Ojukwu right in trying to divide Nigeria, I mean cos its such a hassle thinking oh, Igbo president today, Yoruba tomorrow oh hausa you've done it for too long....or what about the ijaws, ibibios, jukuns, fulanis, efiks, kanuris, Urhobos...etc when would it be their turn?

I guess my question are:
1. Can Bukola Ojo Claim she is from Imo State since she was born and raised there? Or Chinyere Okafor claim she is from Ondo state? Would she be accepted ? Can she run for state Governor without people thinking she is insane?

2. "are u from where u are born, raised, family place, or just where u pay your taxes to"? ( if thats the case I am from America oh cos men... i dey pay tax like crazy for here lol)

Fathers Day ....oh Baba Beckley

2008-06-06T13:59:00.000-07:00

I guess this weekend is going to be fathers day. I am still angry at my dad. I don't know why, ok maybe because he did not call on my birthday but sent a text 10 mins before midnight my time. Ok maybe i am a little hard on him. He is a lil old and my mum was not in Ibadan to remind him. But i am still angry. He is yet to appease me so that my anger can stop.

When i think of me being angry at my dad for not calling me on my birthday and only sending me a text, i then think i am just plain spoiled because, i think of those who don't have their fathers in their lives or have the kind of relationship i have with my father. Sometime i try to watch how I talk about my father in front of friends that don't have a relationship with theirs because, i can see it in their eyes sometimes ...a longing...or wondering.

On the other side, its funny how some men feel they need to be applauded since they take care of their children or they are very present in their child's life. I say bullshit and applauding my ass.( sorry for my french but i am pissed) . You as a father should be obligated to take care of your seed. Why should i clap for you doing your job as a father. Its like someone applauding me for taking a nap or eating or just doing what i am supposed to be doing.

Now i think about it, i thank God for the wonderful father i have and once he calls and apologizes or i lament about him not calling, i would forgive and forget. Well i might have already forgiven him cos he called me one day just to say hi, and i forgot to tell him i was still mad. I think i was sleeping when he called and forgot i was angry at him. My sister says i cannot be mad at my baba in my subconsciousness, i guess not cos i do love him dearly.

Beko Creations

2008-06-03T10:28:00.000-07:00

Sold for $250
No name table, Could be called FallZen table, combination of fall season and zen design elements. Made out of pre-cut wood and handmade tiles. Additional materials were leaves, river rocks and glass.

This chair, oh how i labored on it. Mimicked from a toilet seat because of its oval shape and people always teasing. It is an aesthetic piece, not functional (but i did sit on it and it held my weight). Made solely from found wood and precut wood. My found pieces were the bark, and the tiny branches embedded in the seat and back.
It could be used in a garden to hold tiny flower pots or used as art in a garden.

Potty Chair, Beckley P.O. Sold for $250

Great experiences Makes a great person..........i console myself

2008-06-02T12:19:00.000-07:00

Here are a few of my experiences in this my 25 years on beautiful earth.. contd/ part2. (OH I HAVE MANY OH)
I am the third of three beautiful girls and since my dad did not have a boy, i made it possible for him not to miss out on the father-son relationship, so I was a renowned tomboy. OH i hate that word, it brings back horrific memories. So with my tomboyish ways i mos def got into the dumbest accidents ever.
Rake holes in Feet
I had just come back from Kiddies forum meeting in church and my friend F and I had decided to meet up at her place but i needed permission from my parents first, so i went home. I got home and no one was around so to kill time, i wanted to pluck some apples and take to F. (very thoughtful but also bad idea). So i get this rusty rake and i go aclimbing. I set the rake face up against the tree and i start climbing the apple tree. I had not taken more that three steps up when i spotted a weird looking lizard/animal with numerous colors. I was so frightened, i jumped down right into the rake. I had to pull the rake out of my foot. By the end of the night, not only did i not get to go to F's house to play, i had four holes underneath my foot and i had been jabbed with a tetanus shot. Boy did i cry like a baby. I still hate needles to date.
Broken Toe June 1994
I remember going to a friends house one day to study for my common entrance examination into ISI. We had been studying all day and needed a break. My friend (N) suggested we play soccer outside. So we went outside and i insisted that i'd be the striker and N be the goalie so as to showcase my God given talents (bad idea). I should have just chilled at the goal post oh. Anyway to cut a very stupid story short, I was or rather i think i was trying to dribble when N's brother (B) swung his right foot underneath my foot. Oh boy did i yell. We tried everything but men the pain was unbearable. Anyway since i did not want my mother to know i had been playing, i did not tell her and i had to walk on it and show no pain.(another bad idea) by the time i was done pretending, my foot was swollen,toe broken and i had 6 weeks of convalescing to do.

Broken/Sprained Ankle June 11, 1996
I was in JSS 2 and it was my friends E's Birthday. I came out of class and i think i was goingto say hello to her and instead of using the stairs, i decided to jump from a height of 3ft.( approx.three wooden rulers). Anyway i jumped and landed right on a twisted ankle.....damn it hurts even thinking about it. I was rushed to jaja Clinic in UI. Stupid people thought it was a dislocation because i had a ball like object sticking out my ankle and they decided to put a splinter on it. Anyway my parents came back, which lead to UCH and Dr's and Xrays and a torn Ligament and a bone chipped and 6weeks of POP cast and no school.

Super Glued Eye
Very silly story. I wanted to open the super glue tube so i held the tube in one hand, and a pin to puncture the top in the other had. The thing is that you are supposed to puncture it away from your eyes but silly me , i needed to see to puncture correctly, so i had the tube facing my eye. I punctured and the super glue squirt into my eye. Before i could say Jack robinson, the glue had solidified and i had a very rough layer of glue on my eyeballs. It hurt so much oh my , took a while to get it all off oh. Thank God i still have full sight.

Broken/ Sprained Ankle June 11, 1998
Karma's a bitch!!! I skipped my French class because almost the whole school had a free period that time and the best gist often happened at that time and i was not one to miss gist. Anyway i go over to the senior common room with my friends and A (a friend of mine) comes over and he walks away. I then get up and try to mock his distinct "pimplike walk on air" walk and boom bam bam......another twisted ankle, another 6 weeks of crutches/POP cast/no school. And yes it happened the same day as the previous ankle wahala only 2 years ago and on the other ankle. Men UCH had a field day with me ...i don't blame them. 2 sprains occurring on the same day but 2 years apart, thats more that a coincidence. This time i hated missing school cos this senior senior admirer bobo was "tickling my fancy" and the day i came back to school was his last day of school. I was in SS1 ans he was in SS3.Hmmmmm, missed out on some weird twisted high school romance, or maybe not

Broken,Sprained Ankle Sept (cant remember the year)
was caused by K, he took me to eat suya and pulled me away from the smoke and oops ...once again i landed on a twisted ankle. Not too much damage though. I don't think i even got a cast, only a bandage for about 4 weeks.

Skating Palava= Bottom wahala Jan 7,2003
OK, F decided to have a skating parry parry for her birthday. I obvioulsy dont know how to skate but i thought i got the hang of it but just as i was about to impress...whish whosh bam, landed on my coccyx, my tail bone, the upper part of my ass. Damn it hurt for like a year. Really a yeah...thanks to Icy hot.

Song Titles/subjects

2008-05-27T14:33:00.000-07:00

I have always wondered how people choose a topic or subject matter for their songs. I guess its has a lot to do with talent in the sense that people just know what to sing about. For me , i have cracked my brain and if I was given all the money to make a hit record......i still dont know what i'd sing about. I asked a couple of my friends what they'd sing about and almost everyone established the fact that they'd sing about their mothers. I guess that means there are some damn good mothers out there, besides my mum. I think i'll drop a track or 2 about my mum and dad. When you look at songs and observe the subject matter such as ..sex,money, girls, fame, social change, poverty, the world, making money, killing, politics, bitches and ho's, tricks and baby daddys .............. i tend to wonder what goes on in the songwriters head . Here's a list of songs and corresponding subject matters.

Gongo Aso- Something good is about to happen
Iya basira- a favorite food joint
Why me- why wont this girl leave him the hell alone
cyclone- i guess the girl knows how to wind well
soulja boy - #$$%%%55&&****
Irreplaceable- I get another bobo, so get out.

I talked to a couple of my friends, and this was the list i got of songs they'd write about.

Mother - (almost everyone)
High school experience- (M)
Family- (f)
Social Issues/change (M/F)
Women and children (F)
Clothes (F)..........i guess the song "my lip gloss is popping" is not stupid afterall
Boooty Radar (M) which is my own personal fun favorite from the list.

So i ask you, if you were given the chance to write a song...... what would be the subject matter? what do you think is the most important thing you need to voice? what travels through your channels of thought? Perverted or Not ,Please comment.

2008-05-19T12:54:00.000-07:00

I refuse to title this cos i frankly don't know what to call it. I would say in the past 25 years, ive been to a fair share of places and I'll like to share my experiences of some places ive visited and lived.

Bauchi 1988,
I must have been about 6,7 or 8. My mum was working in Lagos and my dad had a sports festival he had to go to in Bauchi. Being the weird man he is, he took us three girls on the trip with him. It was a road trip and believe me, that ignited my present love for road trips (as long as i am not the one driving). Anyway we got there, and it was the same time there was some jihad uproar of Muslim killing Christians and the mopo people (mobile police) killing the jihadists. Well there was a lot of blood shed and my dad was almost running crazy trying to shelter himself and three girls from the killings. I remember being hungry in the hotel and my dad having to scale fences to find food for us only to come back with one biscuit like this cos he ran into a collision btw the jihadists and the mopo. I also remember on out way back to Ibadan, seeing roasted bodies on the road, damn it was a horrible sight to see. One great thing about the trip was seeing Ant hills the size of a house and seeing Zuma rock, lokoja and the "alleged" death place of Mungo Park or him finding it. By the way i love the word"allegedly". Allegedly, if you are in the press business, and you want to report a story, a way of not getting sued for wrong info or defamation of character is by saying allegedly, before the report or the gist.

Benin City,
I went for my Uncles wedding and men, that was the first time i saw prostitutes in their millions. There was this place probably their "ho stroll" more like ho interstate. Men it was like a drive through coochi store. All shapes and sizes, standing neck to neck down a long ass street. Was just very interesting to see something like that.

Unilag 2000
I hated most of my time there. Thought almost everyone was fake and condescending on folks like me from Ibadan ( Ibadan is nice at least to an extent). Anyway you'd hear girls say "oh i cant if u dont have car and Ac" the girls father probably drives an okada oh. The guys ....hmmm trying all their best to keep up the "cream boy" image, but also begging for food on the side. I still love Archi though!!!1

Saint Peter Minnesota 56082.
Damn cold as hell, racist as hell and boring as hell. My school was on a hill surrounded by corn fields, apple orchards and lakes. I had to run away oh, the cold wan kill me. One day i was walking to a daycare were i voluntered. I was drinking cranberry juice and before i knew it, the remainder of the juice had frozen. I was so scared, i wanted to imagine what would have happened to my body.

Scranton Pennslyvania, 18509 AKA Scrantonia
more like a love hate relationship. cos i leave and i keep coming back. Boring as hell, snows like theres no tomorrow, but i like the serenity. Spent my Undergrad here, and what is seems to be my grad here. (i still dont know why i came back). Love the scenery though, lovely mountains and great during the fall.

Baltimore MD, 2005
Those were my roughest years. hated hated hated. NO car so i was bussing like a fool. One day i ran for the bus, fell down busted my knee and tore my jeans and no one said sorry. Imagine. Poeple you meet on the bus in MD.........................................

South Riding, Virginia 20152
Nice place but i was job searching that time. I remember getting hired by this indian woman who was mos def crazy, I just worked there one day. Imagine she did not even pay me. Probably cos i did not sign any papers or no acceptance letter or anything. Fraudulent woman. Also i had my first car accident. ................. Bad memory.

Laurel Maryland 20707
Plenty naija folks but hmmm was bored as hell throughout and paranoid as hell. one time it was snowimg so hard and i decided to go to work. Got to work and they were closed. Tried to go back home but i lost my windshield wiper on the way. To cut a stupid long story short, i pulled over on the highway, walked about a mile (having faith that i was going to find it) and found the wiper in the middle of the highway. Anyway i got to pick it up without getting hit (thank God),

Smoke Detectors......... a Nigerian necessity.

2008-05-19T10:57:00.000-07:00

http://www.punchng.com/Articl.aspx?theartic=Art200805180504198
I read that tragic news and almost fell into tears. It was so sad to hear such a tragic and painful loss especially when it has to do with Fire. Very gruesome. I know loads of people blamed NEPA /PHCN (Nigeria's power generating sector)or whatever their name is for the incident but taking a further look into it, i think a smoke detector would have saved the day. With the situation in Nigeria, almost every house hold i know has a generator. Mosts of these generators are located in very hazardous locations. My sisters house for example, there are 2 generators located under the stair case which is their only and i say only exit out of the building. In my parents house in Ibadan, our generator was always located far away and enclosed from us. We did not have a smoke detector but most houses in Nigeria, especially Lagos becos of space restrictions, are forced to having their generators besides their house and also kegs and containers of diesel right besides the generator. SUICIDAL I MUST SAY. As soon as i heard the story, i told my sister to go get a smoke detector in her house and she must have thought i was out of my mind. With the situation of NEPA, No light, Candles, Generators, Diesel,Slow to no response from the fire dept, i think it should be a law that everyone owned a smoke detector in their homes. It is not that expensive and it runs on battery so i say if you can afford a generator and fuel it with the high costs of diesel , OGA YOU CAN PURCHASE THAT SMOKE AND FIRE DETECTOR. IT WOULD SAVE YOUR LIFE ONE DAY. Excuse me, i need to go and check my own smoke detector in my house, so I am practicing what i am preaching

St Francis of Assissi Vs. Sango (god of thunder)

2008-05-17T20:00:00.000-07:00

I met this guy one day at the airport on my way to Naija, and he gave me an insight to things i was fascinated by. He spoke to me about deities in Naija, like sango, obatala,and many others. Well, as a born again christian brought up in the way of the anglican church, i told him all that was fetish and devilish. He then asked me what i thought of the saints e.g saint theresa, st james, st. francis of assissi. Well im not too familiar with them since they are related to catholism, but he made me understand that they were both the same.Both saints or gods were humans that had been deified after their death. Sango was a human being who had been imortalised and so were these saints too. So why does Sango (god of thunder ) strike people , especially naija folks as fetish and devilish and St. francis of Assisi otherwise. Well, I say it was part of the plan of colonization to eradicate our culture and consider tradtions and our ways as fetish and devilish.
This goes hand in hand with the myth of language that if you spoke your native language, your Engish would be tarnished and also how Nigerian art such as the masks , sculptures and carvings considered fetish and demonic, but we'd think the head of Augustus caeser was not fetish but art. I actually went to one retired Naval officers house in Lekki Lagos, where at the foyer of the house, there stood the head of caeser on a pedestal. I wonder what people would say if it was the head of Oduduwa (Father or yoruba people) on that same pedestal. Hmmm colonization...i have mixed feeling about that, sometimes i just wish they left us with our Empires and huts, but then again i love my Tv and computer. BUt then again who says our oyo empire would not have soared in technology as well. For this we shall never know.

Silver Jubilee

2008-05-17T18:30:00.000-07:00

Well, last week was my 25th birthday parry parry, and as much as i hate the fact that i am growing older, i am glad the lord has added another beautiful year to my life. Men 25 years is no joke at all, being the fabulous me, (Phygenia Oluwafemi Beckley omo Akinbayo Beckley) i have had the wildest of 25 years i can imagine. 25 years filled with drama, action, comedy, horror, suspense. oh my!! i've lived almost all the genres of hollywood movies. I have had SSS and National Treasury come look for me (im not a criminal oh) stepped on a rake, squirted fast drying super glue into my eye balls, broken ankles, toes,gotten robbed,box cutter knife found in my luggage about to board (i am not a terrorist),been hit on by an Ugly lesbian with no front teeth,had my drivers liecense suspended for 10 months without my knowledge, etc. Anyway i love to share my bizzare stories, so here goes one of them

My first bizzare moment i can remember was geting robbed at gun point with my mum. OH my , I had been chosen to be the chairlady for the juvenile harvest for that year. Being about 5 years old, i was so excited and i must say it was the most prestigiuos thing ever. it could be compared to a Miss america baby/toddler pageant. maybe....Anyway my dad had dropped my mum and i at the store to buy shoes for me (since i needed to look fly at 5) Well, the store looked like it had closed but a man came out and told us it was still open , so my dad left us and drove away. We entered the store, and boy did i see this beautiful pair of red "dorothy, theres no place like home" shoes. I picked it up and told Mrs b ( my mum) that i wanted them. She asked for the price and the man answered her pointing a gun at her face. Well the rest is kinda blurry as i was young. I only remember the red shoes, the gun, the mans face, lying down in a small room and my mum asking me to plead the blood of Jesus and the man yelling at mum to shut up unless he would blow my brains out. Well i guess it wasnt that blurry again since i remember most of it. Anyway that was my first robbery experience but my most recent happened in 2006 dec. I had travelled to Nigeria for my sisters wedding and i was in lagos just hanging out with friends. I decided to go to see Lagbaja at motherland with my friends but my sister suggested that i stay on the island ,since it was safer. Anyway knowing me and my stubborness, i decided to go to ikeja to see Lagbaja.( Oh I love Lagbaja) We got safely to ikeja but stopped at a bar to wait for my friends cousin. then all of a sudden some random chic convinces my friends that we should go to bacchus or whatever the place is. Bacchcus happened to be on the island, so my friends try to find the fastest way back to the island. Anyway to cut a horrible stupid story short, the next thing i saw were flashing lights and we were asked to stop and pull over. At this point i am thinking they are over Jcops (also known as "i too know" cops) trying to get some money from us. So i tried to be as coorperative as possible, i even helped one of them to prevent the trunk from hitting his head. Anyway they told us to get down and realizing that i did not want no "cop" to be snooping in my bag, i clinched the bag to my chest but before i could say jack robinson, one yeye stupid guy came to my side and started pulling my bag. "Ki lode ? what is wrong? Leave my bag jo." We continue struggling till i got distracted by the loud noise coming from a sound slap given to my friend. By this time, i had lost my bag. I then see my friend complaining about the slaps and he then runs away with the cop chasing him with a gun. i was so clueless and i asked my other friend around "whats wrong with these police people?" He goes "they are robbers" . OMG!!! the first thing that came to my mind was what am i going to tell my parents..and Tosin warned me about this. Then i see the guy ransacking my bag like he was looking for something he lost. One of the robbers then told us to lay down on the floor. In my head i am thinking "shit and i am wearing white". Anyway another one says, jump into the bush and one other says enter the car. Now i am really confused. I ask them what exactly are we supposed to do with all these different orders. Then i hear one of them say "wheres the girl wheres the girl?" No one told me before i did james bond and jumped into the bush. They drove away and left us on the highway with no car no bag no money and then i realized all the contents of my bag. My visa bank card, social security card, drivers liescense, N. I card, Work Permit card,, check books,state id, bank details and cash (naira and dollars) Damn was i so screwed. Some of these items i was never able to get back and some like my SSN card i got 2 years after the incident. SEE LIFE. But i still love naija.

Language Please

2008-04-26T13:31:00.000-07:00

This is quite sensitive for me cos. i have also fallen victim by this. I grew up in a society that believed that if i spoke my native language, it was bad and it would spoil my English. Well being grown now and more learned, ...that was all cock and bull , only a continuous means of colonization on everyone. Why does something that makes us who we are, have to have a bad connotation. Why is it that if i spoke in my native language Yoruba, people view me that i cant speak English or i am an illiterate. Believe me, the best known Yoruba scholars i know ..have a great command of English. But why do the majority feel that way. When i was in Secondary school, we hardly spoke Yoruba and if you were spoken too,we answered in English thinking that it was cool not to be able to speak the language. Now i think that was just bizzare. However, i still see so many people just want to deny there real identity and become something else. I guess they rather speak like ghetto peeps from the west ( america to be precise) than speak like the kings and queens they are with their mother tongue.

I always wonder why the whole world says motherland but Nigeria says fatherland. I guess it goes back to the fact that we are so much of a patriliineal society. How can i change that.. How can i change the fact that some men are just so chavinistic and stupid and women dont even help matters. anyway i guess i derailed from my language topic but i could not help just airing my disdain for naija supression of women. to be contd....

Also another issue i have is with people who come to this country America and change their names to better suit the so called americans. My aunt always says if one can pronunce Schwarzenegger why not a yoruba name.In my school we had these group of taiwanese people who came here to study and all changed their names.One was ysin Hu and we called her Kate, one kept changing her name every week from julie, to jessica to what have you. I even hear naija people changing their last name or shortening it . This is ridiculous.If you are important believe me people would pronunce your name however it is and whatever mouth and tongue manipulations you need to do. Do Americans go to china and change their name to Lee or chan? Hells NO!!!. Ive even seen when naija people only name their kids with so called american /english names such as Brian, Sean etc and no Nigerian name. I mean where is the heritage. Am i that ethnocentric that i think its a problem? Or i should just let people do what they want to do. I guess thats why I am not GOd unless......................................................

African.....how i hate and love the word.

2008-04-26T12:50:00.000-07:00

Ok this might sound strange, but as i hate the word African, i also love it.
I love the word African, as it stands for so many positive things as i am...but why is it that when anyone refers to me as an African or from Africa i cringe. Dont get me wrong....I love who i am and i am so proud of where i belong and would not trade it for anything. I believe my hate for the word "African" has nothing to do with any embarrassments, I just hate when i hear that word being referred . For instance why is it African art but not European Art. Why are we all bottled in one category when we are a people of diverse and different categories. I might not be well informed but art in Nigeria varies from Nok Culture scuptures,the benin bronzes, to various eras of designs. But why is the whole of Africa categorized under one huge umbrella. When you see art from the North it is very different from the west, the south , the east. I mean someone walks up to me and says "oh do the African dance". What the hell does that mean. like we all Africans have a type of dance where we move our hands and legs and jump up and down and do the hokey pokey and we turn ourselves around? Only in Nigeria i know a few types of dances such as bata, atilogwu, egungun and many more dances. No one ever says "hey do the European dance" or the "North American dance". crazy! Crazy i say.
Well i have been told by my friends that i am making this more of an issue than it really is. That there is no big deal if we all summed up under one group. Well this might not make any sense to someone else but it does make sense to me. SO as Africans, lets begin to give names to our individualities and not generalize. No more "African music "but Fuji, apala, Afro juju, juju, hip life, high life and all the works. Egungun Dancers taken from Youtube.

Igbo Dancer taken from Youtube

New calling in life

2008-02-24T12:19:00.000-08:00

I have always known that there were a lot of goals i had outlined for myself. However, I found a new passion. My friends always told me i should be an activist of somewhat because i always raised issues about evil doings of us humans especially towards women. don't get me wrong, I still have my passion for art and design but the same way a father loves his three daughters equally is the same way i have found a new love in my life which is raising issues. I found this full revelation a couple of days ago while i was watching a you tube posting of New dawn with Funmi Iyanda. I was listening to a woman discuss her passion/irritation about the new proposed bill on indecent dressing in Nigeria. I was so excited about her enthusiasm and i say i have never felt so excited about anything as much as i did, when i was watching her. When i discussed my excitement with a fellow friend, he joked with me and told me i had an "activists orgasm" whatever that means. Now i know that i have this passion, what exactly do i do about it? How do i go about helping others that cant help themselves. How can i speak for women who are being subdued everyday in their lives. Well i say i would start from somewhere. So i intend to continue blogging and join this new craze in finding how i can air my frustrations without yelling at my friends in the process.
Anyway i don't think i can end this post without airing my views on this ridiculous bill on In descent dressing. I am a born again Christian; but sometimes, Nigerians need to remove religion from their government at least in some instances. "indecent dressing" is a moral issue, so why should the government feel they need to impose a law on our moral behavior. Well if so, I say they need to pass other bill telling us how to live our lives and while at it, tell us how to run our families and give husband and wives rules to consummate their marriage. Ridiculous isnt it? i read that the Senator Ekaete who is the front runner of this bill in her good heart says that she is trying to reduce cases of rape . That there is a high volume of rape cases in the country and yes, it is caused by females "indecent dressing" what ever that phrase means. So this lady decided to punish women and punish victims for the crime a man does. How in the world would you want to frustrate more the lives of women to appease men. This has got to stop. This case reminds me of a woman who finds out her husband is cheating on her and decides to confront him. She confronts him and all hell come down as both start exchanging blows, and of course we all know who wins the domestic squabble. Trying to counsel the couple, the family member scolds the man a tiny beat and then asks the wife to kneel down and beg her husband.....WTF!!!!!!!! Well i guess in a country like Nigeria, no matter what the man does, the woman is to be punished for the mans evil doings. I have to stop here cos i might just take my anger on this poor keyboard.

Module 4

2007-12-14T07:40:00.000-08:00

This last module was very easy compared to the previous two. I think it was easier because i had used the program before and there were less formulas and formatting. The new things i learnt here were the usage of charts and tables. I also have never used the auto wizard before. I am glad i have gone through this class because i can use all these applications to their full potential.

Module 3

2007-12-08T13:04:00.000-08:00

This was a huge task for me because i have never used Access before and i do not know anything about it unlike the rest of the Microsoft office applications. I have learnt a few things over the past weeks how one can make reports easier and condense wastage of time and paper to do reports. i can imagine that this tool would be a great tool for researchers minimizing their findings and sorting out their reports. I hope to master this program more as time goes on. The formulars were the ones i had a little trouble with as I was not sure what symbols to use or not to use.

Module 2

2007-11-27T07:33:00.000-08:00

Module @ was a little bit more difficult than modules 1 because i was less farmiliar with the module 2 program. I am very exciited about my new knowledge of excel because i have worked with it in previous jobs but not really understood how things went about. Now i would say I am more confident in that aspect.

Module 1 Contd.

2007-11-10T13:57:00.000-08:00

After completing the first project, it seemed very easy but a little time consuming. The only problem with one of my projects was the part of the resume template. My browsers would not download the template. Anyway the first module has been completed. There are so many tiny bits of information i never knew now i know tips and short cuts to make word easier.

Module 1

2007-10-28T18:45:00.000-07:00

I believe i have concluded the first module form the publishers content and i have done some practice quizzes. The contents seems easy enough to understand and a bulk of the content i am already familiar with. Some acronyms i knew but never knew what they stood for. interesting to finally find out. I still don't understand where to find the homework or if i have homework for this week.

My first Online class experience

2007-10-25T08:15:00.001-07:00

It has taken me about three days to full find things and understand the workings of an online class. I am still finding it a little bit difficult to understand the tempo and the flow of the course materials, how to get them and what assignments are due and how they are due. I think by next week i shouls be able to get a hang of it totally . I hope it is not a hard class and i hope to learn a whole deal from the class.

Femi B

Nigerian services + anger = Scar on face and bloody shirt

2 weeks in Lagos, the journey so far

So Long Obama

Words that I love

Words that make me cringe

Private thoughts and Private dancing

Moving back and forth

Submit to me boo

Below are some verses I'm sure we ladies have heard it drummed in our ears

Colossians 3:18-19 (New International Version)

Rules for Christian Households

Ephesians 5:22-33 (New International Version)

Wives and Husbands

for example

1 Corinthians 14:34 (New International Version)

Toilet seat up or down...Who wins

Chivalry with Vex Money

My First Tag

Random Love Post and a naija love letter

More Stories and all that jazz

I'm Back and more stories

Nigerias Healthcare Nigerians Healthscare

UCH Holiday

We don Land

Original, Americanized/westernized

Femi B

Women and Goldigging!!!

Too Fussy or not???

Too fussy or not?

Am I Black or Naija Caramel?

Happy Birthday Mama Beckley

Femi B the expert Witness

In the meantime........

CREDIBILITY

Who would you vote for?

Biden and all that Jazz

The Crotch or The Cleavage

My Ordeal with the Ram...lol

Yoruba Novelty Card draft

Camping Trip

What would you be remembered for?

Naija Style Love letters II (Pidgin)

GREEN NAIJA GREEN.........NAIJA BORN GREEN

Naija style Love letters part 1

Gender Bias

ONE NIGERIA

Fathers Day ....oh Baba Beckley

Beko Creations

Great experiences Makes a great person..........i console myself

Song Titles/subjects

Smoke Detectors......... a Nigerian necessity.

St Francis of Assissi Vs. Sango (god of thunder)

Silver Jubilee

Language Please

African.....how i hate and love the word.

New calling in life

Module 4

Module 3

Module 2

Module 1 Contd.

Module 1

My first Online class experience