Fathers Day ....oh Baba Beckley

I guess this weekend is going to be fathers day. I am still angry at my dad. I don't know why, ok maybe because he did not call on my birthday but sent a text 10 mins before midnight my time. Ok maybe i am a little hard on him. He is a lil old and my mum was not in Ibadan to remind him. But i am still angry. He is yet to appease me so that my anger can stop.

When i think of me being angry at my dad for not calling me on my birthday and only sending me a text, i then think i am just plain spoiled because, i think of those who don't have their fathers in their lives or have the kind of relationship i have with my father. Sometime i try to watch how I talk about my father in front of friends that don't have a relationship with theirs because, i can see it in their eyes sometimes ...a longing...or wondering.

On the other side, its funny how some men feel they need to be applauded since they take care of their children or they are very present in their child's life. I say bullshit and applauding my ass.( sorry for my french but i am pissed) . You as a father should be obligated to take care of your seed. Why should i clap for you doing your job as a father. Its like someone applauding me for taking a nap or eating or just doing what i am supposed to be doing.

Now i think about it, i thank God for the wonderful father i have and once he calls and apologizes or i lament about him not calling, i would forgive and forget. Well i might have already forgiven him cos he called me one day just to say hi, and i forgot to tell him i was still mad. I think i was sleeping when he called and forgot i was angry at him. My sister says i cannot be mad at my baba in my subconsciousness, i guess not cos i do love him dearly.

Beko Creations

Sold for $250
No name table, Could be called FallZen table, combination of fall season and zen design elements. Made out of pre-cut wood and handmade tiles. Additional materials were leaves, river rocks and glass.

This chair, oh how i labored on it. Mimicked from a toilet seat because of its oval shape and people always teasing. It is an aesthetic piece, not functional (but i did sit on it and it held my weight). Made solely from found wood and precut wood. My found pieces were the bark, and the tiny branches embedded in the seat and back.
It could be used in a garden to hold tiny flower pots or used as art in a garden.




























Potty Chair, Beckley P.O. Sold for $250

Great experiences Makes a great person..........i console myself

Here are a few of my experiences in this my 25 years on beautiful earth.. contd/ part2. (OH I HAVE MANY OH)
I am the third of three beautiful girls and since my dad did not have a boy, i made it possible for him not to miss out on the father-son relationship, so I was a renowned tomboy. OH i hate that word, it brings back horrific memories. So with my tomboyish ways i mos def got into the dumbest accidents ever.
Rake holes in Feet
I had just come back from Kiddies forum meeting in church and my friend F and I had decided to meet up at her place but i needed permission from my parents first, so i went home. I got home and no one was around so to kill time, i wanted to pluck some apples and take to F. (very thoughtful but also bad idea). So i get this rusty rake and i go aclimbing. I set the rake face up against the tree and i start climbing the apple tree. I had not taken more that three steps up when i spotted a weird looking lizard/animal with numerous colors. I was so frightened, i jumped down right into the rake. I had to pull the rake out of my foot. By the end of the night, not only did i not get to go to F's house to play, i had four holes underneath my foot and i had been jabbed with a tetanus shot. Boy did i cry like a baby. I still hate needles to date.
Broken Toe June 1994
I remember going to a friends house one day to study for my common entrance examination into ISI. We had been studying all day and needed a break. My friend (N) suggested we play soccer outside. So we went outside and i insisted that i'd be the striker and N be the goalie so as to showcase my God given talents (bad idea). I should have just chilled at the goal post oh. Anyway to cut a very stupid story short, I was or rather i think i was trying to dribble when N's brother (B) swung his right foot underneath my foot. Oh boy did i yell. We tried everything but men the pain was unbearable. Anyway since i did not want my mother to know i had been playing, i did not tell her and i had to walk on it and show no pain.(another bad idea) by the time i was done pretending, my foot was swollen,toe broken and i had 6 weeks of convalescing to do.

Broken/Sprained Ankle June 11, 1996
I was in JSS 2 and it was my friends E's Birthday. I came out of class and i think i was goingto say hello to her and instead of using the stairs, i decided to jump from a height of 3ft.( approx.three wooden rulers). Anyway i jumped and landed right on a twisted ankle.....damn it hurts even thinking about it. I was rushed to jaja Clinic in UI. Stupid people thought it was a dislocation because i had a ball like object sticking out my ankle and they decided to put a splinter on it. Anyway my parents came back, which lead to UCH and Dr's and Xrays and a torn Ligament and a bone chipped and 6weeks of POP cast and no school.

Super Glued Eye
Very silly story. I wanted to open the super glue tube so i held the tube in one hand, and a pin to puncture the top in the other had. The thing is that you are supposed to puncture it away from your eyes but silly me , i needed to see to puncture correctly, so i had the tube facing my eye. I punctured and the super glue squirt into my eye. Before i could say Jack robinson, the glue had solidified and i had a very rough layer of glue on my eyeballs. It hurt so much oh my , took a while to get it all off oh. Thank God i still have full sight.

Broken/ Sprained Ankle June 11, 1998
Karma's a bitch!!! I skipped my French class because almost the whole school had a free period that time and the best gist often happened at that time and i was not one to miss gist. Anyway i go over to the senior common room with my friends and A (a friend of mine) comes over and he walks away. I then get up and try to mock his distinct "pimplike walk on air" walk and boom bam bam......another twisted ankle, another 6 weeks of crutches/POP cast/no school. And yes it happened the same day as the previous ankle wahala only 2 years ago and on the other ankle. Men UCH had a field day with me ...i don't blame them. 2 sprains occurring on the same day but 2 years apart, thats more that a coincidence. This time i hated missing school cos this senior senior admirer bobo was "tickling my fancy" and the day i came back to school was his last day of school. I was in SS1 ans he was in SS3.Hmmmmm, missed out on some weird twisted high school romance, or maybe not

Broken,Sprained Ankle Sept (cant remember the year)
was caused by K, he took me to eat suya and pulled me away from the smoke and oops ...once again i landed on a twisted ankle. Not too much damage though. I don't think i even got a cast, only a bandage for about 4 weeks.

Skating Palava= Bottom wahala Jan 7,2003
OK, F decided to have a skating parry parry for her birthday. I obvioulsy dont know how to skate but i thought i got the hang of it but just as i was about to impress...whish whosh bam, landed on my coccyx, my tail bone, the upper part of my ass. Damn it hurt for like a year. Really a yeah...thanks to Icy hot.

Song Titles/subjects

I have always wondered how people choose a topic or subject matter for their songs. I guess its has a lot to do with talent in the sense that people just know what to sing about. For me , i have cracked my brain and if I was given all the money to make a hit record......i still dont know what i'd sing about. I asked a couple of my friends what they'd sing about and almost everyone established the fact that they'd sing about their mothers. I guess that means there are some damn good mothers out there, besides my mum. I think i'll drop a track or 2 about my mum and dad. When you look at songs and observe the subject matter such as ..sex,money, girls, fame, social change, poverty, the world, making money, killing, politics, bitches and ho's, tricks and baby daddys .............. i tend to wonder what goes on in the songwriters head . Here's a list of songs and corresponding subject matters.

Gongo Aso- Something good is about to happen
Iya basira- a favorite food joint
Why me- why wont this girl leave him the hell alone
cyclone- i guess the girl knows how to wind well
soulja boy - #$$%%%55&&****
Irreplaceable- I get another bobo, so get out.


I talked to a couple of my friends, and this was the list i got of songs they'd write about.

Mother - (almost everyone)
High school experience- (M)
Family- (f)
Social Issues/change (M/F)
Women and children (F)
Clothes (F)..........i guess the song "my lip gloss is popping" is not stupid afterall
Boooty Radar (M) which is my own personal fun favorite from the list.

So i ask you, if you were given the chance to write a song...... what would be the subject matter? what do you think is the most important thing you need to voice? what travels through your channels of thought? Perverted or Not ,Please comment.

I refuse to title this cos i frankly don't know what to call it. I would say in the past 25 years, ive been to a fair share of places and I'll like to share my experiences of some places ive visited and lived.

Bauchi 1988,
I must have been about 6,7 or 8. My mum was working in Lagos and my dad had a sports festival he had to go to in Bauchi. Being the weird man he is, he took us three girls on the trip with him. It was a road trip and believe me, that ignited my present love for road trips (as long as i am not the one driving). Anyway we got there, and it was the same time there was some jihad uproar of Muslim killing Christians and the mopo people (mobile police) killing the jihadists. Well there was a lot of blood shed and my dad was almost running crazy trying to shelter himself and three girls from the killings. I remember being hungry in the hotel and my dad having to scale fences to find food for us only to come back with one biscuit like this cos he ran into a collision btw the jihadists and the mopo. I also remember on out way back to Ibadan, seeing roasted bodies on the road, damn it was a horrible sight to see. One great thing about the trip was seeing Ant hills the size of a house and seeing Zuma rock, lokoja and the "alleged" death place of Mungo Park or him finding it. By the way i love the word"allegedly". Allegedly, if you are in the press business, and you want to report a story, a way of not getting sued for wrong info or defamation of character is by saying allegedly, before the report or the gist.

Benin City,
I went for my Uncles wedding and men, that was the first time i saw prostitutes in their millions. There was this place probably their "ho stroll" more like ho interstate. Men it was like a drive through coochi store. All shapes and sizes, standing neck to neck down a long ass street. Was just very interesting to see something like that.

Unilag 2000
I hated most of my time there. Thought almost everyone was fake and condescending on folks like me from Ibadan ( Ibadan is nice at least to an extent). Anyway you'd hear girls say "oh i cant if u dont have car and Ac" the girls father probably drives an okada oh. The guys ....hmmm trying all their best to keep up the "cream boy" image, but also begging for food on the side. I still love Archi though!!!1

Saint Peter Minnesota 56082.
Damn cold as hell, racist as hell and boring as hell. My school was on a hill surrounded by corn fields, apple orchards and lakes. I had to run away oh, the cold wan kill me. One day i was walking to a daycare were i voluntered. I was drinking cranberry juice and before i knew it, the remainder of the juice had frozen. I was so scared, i wanted to imagine what would have happened to my body.

Scranton Pennslyvania, 18509 AKA Scrantonia
more like a love hate relationship. cos i leave and i keep coming back. Boring as hell, snows like theres no tomorrow, but i like the serenity. Spent my Undergrad here, and what is seems to be my grad here. (i still dont know why i came back). Love the scenery though, lovely mountains and great during the fall.

Baltimore MD, 2005
Those were my roughest years. hated hated hated. NO car so i was bussing like a fool. One day i ran for the bus, fell down busted my knee and tore my jeans and no one said sorry. Imagine. Poeple you meet on the bus in MD.........................................

South Riding, Virginia 20152
Nice place but i was job searching that time. I remember getting hired by this indian woman who was mos def crazy, I just worked there one day. Imagine she did not even pay me. Probably cos i did not sign any papers or no acceptance letter or anything. Fraudulent woman. Also i had my first car accident. ................. Bad memory.

Laurel Maryland 20707
Plenty naija folks but hmmm was bored as hell throughout and paranoid as hell. one time it was snowimg so hard and i decided to go to work. Got to work and they were closed. Tried to go back home but i lost my windshield wiper on the way. To cut a stupid long story short, i pulled over on the highway, walked about a mile (having faith that i was going to find it) and found the wiper in the middle of the highway. Anyway i got to pick it up without getting hit (thank God),

Smoke Detectors......... a Nigerian necessity.

http://www.punchng.com/Articl.aspx?theartic=Art200805180504198
I read that tragic news and almost fell into tears. It was so sad to hear such a tragic and painful loss especially when it has to do with Fire. Very gruesome. I know loads of people blamed NEPA /PHCN (Nigeria's power generating sector)or whatever their name is for the incident but taking a further look into it, i think a smoke detector would have saved the day. With the situation in Nigeria, almost every house hold i know has a generator. Mosts of these generators are located in very hazardous locations. My sisters house for example, there are 2 generators located under the stair case which is their only and i say only exit out of the building. In my parents house in Ibadan, our generator was always located far away and enclosed from us. We did not have a smoke detector but most houses in Nigeria, especially Lagos becos of space restrictions, are forced to having their generators besides their house and also kegs and containers of diesel right besides the generator. SUICIDAL I MUST SAY. As soon as i heard the story, i told my sister to go get a smoke detector in her house and she must have thought i was out of my mind. With the situation of NEPA, No light, Candles, Generators, Diesel,Slow to no response from the fire dept, i think it should be a law that everyone owned a smoke detector in their homes. It is not that expensive and it runs on battery so i say if you can afford a generator and fuel it with the high costs of diesel , OGA YOU CAN PURCHASE THAT SMOKE AND FIRE DETECTOR. IT WOULD SAVE YOUR LIFE ONE DAY. Excuse me, i need to go and check my own smoke detector in my house, so I am practicing what i am preaching

St Francis of Assissi Vs. Sango (god of thunder)

I met this guy one day at the airport on my way to Naija, and he gave me an insight to things i was fascinated by. He spoke to me about deities in Naija, like sango, obatala,and many others. Well, as a born again christian brought up in the way of the anglican church, i told him all that was fetish and devilish. He then asked me what i thought of the saints e.g saint theresa, st james, st. francis of assissi. Well im not too familiar with them since they are related to catholism, but he made me understand that they were both the same.Both saints or gods were humans that had been deified after their death. Sango was a human being who had been imortalised and so were these saints too. So why does Sango (god of thunder ) strike people , especially naija folks as fetish and devilish and St. francis of Assisi otherwise. Well, I say it was part of the plan of colonization to eradicate our culture and consider tradtions and our ways as fetish and devilish.
This goes hand in hand with the myth of language that if you spoke your native language, your Engish would be tarnished and also how Nigerian art such as the masks , sculptures and carvings considered fetish and demonic, but we'd think the head of Augustus caeser was not fetish but art. I actually went to one retired Naval officers house in Lekki Lagos, where at the foyer of the house, there stood the head of caeser on a pedestal. I wonder what people would say if it was the head of Oduduwa (Father or yoruba people) on that same pedestal. Hmmm colonization...i have mixed feeling about that, sometimes i just wish they left us with our Empires and huts, but then again i love my Tv and computer. BUt then again who says our oyo empire would not have soared in technology as well. For this we shall never know.

Silver Jubilee

Well, last week was my 25th birthday parry parry, and as much as i hate the fact that i am growing older, i am glad the lord has added another beautiful year to my life. Men 25 years is no joke at all, being the fabulous me, (Phygenia Oluwafemi Beckley omo Akinbayo Beckley) i have had the wildest of 25 years i can imagine. 25 years filled with drama, action, comedy, horror, suspense. oh my!! i've lived almost all the genres of hollywood movies. I have had SSS and National Treasury come look for me (im not a criminal oh) stepped on a rake, squirted fast drying super glue into my eye balls, broken ankles, toes,gotten robbed,box cutter knife found in my luggage about to board (i am not a terrorist),been hit on by an Ugly lesbian with no front teeth,had my drivers liecense suspended for 10 months without my knowledge, etc. Anyway i love to share my bizzare stories, so here goes one of them

My first bizzare moment i can remember was geting robbed at gun point with my mum. OH my , I had been chosen to be the chairlady for the juvenile harvest for that year. Being about 5 years old, i was so excited and i must say it was the most prestigiuos thing ever. it could be compared to a Miss america baby/toddler pageant. maybe....Anyway my dad had dropped my mum and i at the store to buy shoes for me (since i needed to look fly at 5) Well, the store looked like it had closed but a man came out and told us it was still open , so my dad left us and drove away. We entered the store, and boy did i see this beautiful pair of red "dorothy, theres no place like home" shoes. I picked it up and told Mrs b ( my mum) that i wanted them. She asked for the price and the man answered her pointing a gun at her face. Well the rest is kinda blurry as i was young. I only remember the red shoes, the gun, the mans face, lying down in a small room and my mum asking me to plead the blood of Jesus and the man yelling at mum to shut up unless he would blow my brains out. Well i guess it wasnt that blurry again since i remember most of it. Anyway that was my first robbery experience but my most recent happened in 2006 dec. I had travelled to Nigeria for my sisters wedding and i was in lagos just hanging out with friends. I decided to go to see Lagbaja at motherland with my friends but my sister suggested that i stay on the island ,since it was safer. Anyway knowing me and my stubborness, i decided to go to ikeja to see Lagbaja.( Oh I love Lagbaja) We got safely to ikeja but stopped at a bar to wait for my friends cousin. then all of a sudden some random chic convinces my friends that we should go to bacchus or whatever the place is. Bacchcus happened to be on the island, so my friends try to find the fastest way back to the island. Anyway to cut a horrible stupid story short, the next thing i saw were flashing lights and we were asked to stop and pull over. At this point i am thinking they are over Jcops (also known as "i too know" cops) trying to get some money from us. So i tried to be as coorperative as possible, i even helped one of them to prevent the trunk from hitting his head. Anyway they told us to get down and realizing that i did not want no "cop" to be snooping in my bag, i clinched the bag to my chest but before i could say jack robinson, one yeye stupid guy came to my side and started pulling my bag. "Ki lode ? what is wrong? Leave my bag jo." We continue struggling till i got distracted by the loud noise coming from a sound slap given to my friend. By this time, i had lost my bag. I then see my friend complaining about the slaps and he then runs away with the cop chasing him with a gun. i was so clueless and i asked my other friend around "whats wrong with these police people?" He goes "they are robbers" . OMG!!! the first thing that came to my mind was what am i going to tell my parents..and Tosin warned me about this. Then i see the guy ransacking my bag like he was looking for something he lost. One of the robbers then told us to lay down on the floor. In my head i am thinking "shit and i am wearing white". Anyway another one says, jump into the bush and one other says enter the car. Now i am really confused. I ask them what exactly are we supposed to do with all these different orders. Then i hear one of them say "wheres the girl wheres the girl?" No one told me before i did james bond and jumped into the bush. They drove away and left us on the highway with no car no bag no money and then i realized all the contents of my bag. My visa bank card, social security card, drivers liescense, N. I card, Work Permit card,, check books,state id, bank details and cash (naira and dollars) Damn was i so screwed. Some of these items i was never able to get back and some like my SSN card i got 2 years after the incident. SEE LIFE. But i still love naija.

Language Please

This is quite sensitive for me cos. i have also fallen victim by this. I grew up in a society that believed that if i spoke my native language, it was bad and it would spoil my English. Well being grown now and more learned, ...that was all cock and bull , only a continuous means of colonization on everyone. Why does something that makes us who we are, have to have a bad connotation. Why is it that if i spoke in my native language Yoruba, people view me that i cant speak English or i am an illiterate. Believe me, the best known Yoruba scholars i know ..have a great command of English. But why do the majority feel that way. When i was in Secondary school, we hardly spoke Yoruba and if you were spoken too,we answered in English thinking that it was cool not to be able to speak the language. Now i think that was just bizzare. However, i still see so many people just want to deny there real identity and become something else. I guess they rather speak like ghetto peeps from the west ( america to be precise) than speak like the kings and queens they are with their mother tongue.

I always wonder why the whole world says motherland but Nigeria says fatherland. I guess it goes back to the fact that we are so much of a patriliineal society. How can i change that.. How can i change the fact that some men are just so chavinistic and stupid and women dont even help matters. anyway i guess i derailed from my language topic but i could not help just airing my disdain for naija supression of women. to be contd....

Also another issue i have is with people who come to this country America and change their names to better suit the so called americans. My aunt always says if one can pronunce Schwarzenegger why not a yoruba name.In my school we had these group of taiwanese people who came here to study and all changed their names.One was ysin Hu and we called her Kate, one kept changing her name every week from julie, to jessica to what have you. I even hear naija people changing their last name or shortening it . This is ridiculous.If you are important believe me people would pronunce your name however it is and whatever mouth and tongue manipulations you need to do. Do Americans go to china and change their name to Lee or chan? Hells NO!!!. Ive even seen when naija people only name their kids with so called american /english names such as Brian, Sean etc and no Nigerian name. I mean where is the heritage. Am i that ethnocentric that i think its a problem? Or i should just let people do what they want to do. I guess thats why I am not GOd unless......................................................

African.....how i hate and love the word.

Ok this might sound strange, but as i hate the word African, i also love it.
I love the word African, as it stands for so many positive things as i am...but why is it that when anyone refers to me as an African or from Africa i cringe. Dont get me wrong....I love who i am and i am so proud of where i belong and would not trade it for anything. I believe my hate for the word "African" has nothing to do with any embarrassments, I just hate when i hear that word being referred . For instance why is it African art but not European Art. Why are we all bottled in one category when we are a people of diverse and different categories. I might not be well informed but art in Nigeria varies from Nok Culture scuptures,the benin bronzes, to various eras of designs. But why is the whole of Africa categorized under one huge umbrella. When you see art from the North it is very different from the west, the south , the east. I mean someone walks up to me and says "oh do the African dance". What the hell does that mean. like we all Africans have a type of dance where we move our hands and legs and jump up and down and do the hokey pokey and we turn ourselves around? Only in Nigeria i know a few types of dances such as bata, atilogwu, egungun and many more dances. No one ever says "hey do the European dance" or the "North American dance". crazy! Crazy i say.
Well i have been told by my friends that i am making this more of an issue than it really is. That there is no big deal if we all summed up under one group. Well this might not make any sense to someone else but it does make sense to me. SO as Africans, lets begin to give names to our individualities and not generalize. No more "African music "but Fuji, apala, Afro juju, juju, hip life, high life and all the works. Egungun Dancers taken from Youtube.


Igbo Dancer taken from Youtube