The Crotch or The Cleavage

There was this game show I saw on tv of how people were supposed to go through a hole in the wall..Anyway my issue was that everyone wore this metallic silver body suit to play the game. Now, we know that a metallic silver body suit shows all contours and all protrusions and i noticed my eyes kept wandering to the men's crotch area. I was fascinated at the different curves,lines,shapes..generally all elements of design of that groin region. (I am into arts oh) Then i had an AHA moment and realized why most men never pay attention to the face when having a conversation with a female wearing a low cut shirt. I realized that it was very fascinating to see just the different groin area sizes and i realized cleavage also comes in different sizes so maybe thats why they get stared down more.

First of all i am wondering if my weird assumptions are true or are there more reasons to why eyes wander? I would also like to do more research on that area and would love if all men wore metallic silver bodysuits so they know exactly how it feels when people do not pay attention to the face but look at a significant part of the body while in conversation.


Another rant
After my ongoing conversation with the RAM, i decide to put up some statement on my facebook status saying " Why do i have to be a man to sound intelligent" Now i have had it for about a week up, and i've been getting many messages ONLY from guys either agreeing,disagreeing, appologetic, or giving explanations to why that is. I wondered if ALL men actually feel sorry about sexism and gender inequalities. Mind you no female made mention of my status statment...maybe they agreed in silence or disagreed in annoyance..i'll never know.

I really don't like doing blog public service announcement on here but....

Heres a blog y'all should try out...really nice writing style http://osopimping.blogspot.com

My Ordeal with the Ram...lol

I had previously wanted to do a post on witches and all that Jazz but since wellsbaba beat me to it..lol the post flew out of my brain. Actually it was about the prevalence of witches in naija/ Africa (ok when next i say naija..i mean the whole of Africa...does that sound ignorant?) ok ..i repeat the prevalence of witches in naija and the lack there of or lack of fear of them here in the so called western world.

Most naija people fear witches or evil people..in that when people are traveling they don't tell people, when women are pregnant they don't tell... until they show and when they show..they remain in doors. Receiving sprayed money at wedding is wahala...not because of EFCC but because of the fear of an evil spirit prophesying evilness into the money and slamming it on your dancing face. So many superstitions and so many fear of this and that and this ana...
However, in the west ( i would speak for the US since thats where i am based), people are not really afraid of witches...even naija people..they are more open to say when their due date is or the sex of their baby....they'd tell you everything and not worry about witch A or witch B that would eat their babies or fry their ovaries.

SO my question is... are these witches just naija based or the ones here are on a different level..cos frankly i think all them fortune tellers and madames...are witches in some way.

OK i think i did a good job in trying to remember my post sha but i'll add some ranting.....ok i got this facebook invitation to a group called Dapo "Lam" Adesina for House of Rep. for Oyo state..2011. NOW any of you who don't know, Dapo "Lam" Adesina...he is the son of former Governor of Oyo state, Lam Or Lamidi or Ram Adesina....but those were the names he was known by when he was in office. Now i've heard silly stories of this young Dapo Lam guy of how his dad awarded him contracts and he handled it "badly"..thats all i'd say for now. Anyway, i was kinda mad, so i wanted to blast him on this facebook group thing..then i saw how others were blasting him and some praising him also..its a weird group.
Anyway, I decided to be tactful and give him the benefit of the doubt that he might just do some good...but i tried not to bulshit..i'll post our conversation

Femi Bwrote

at 8:08pm on August 31st, 2008

All i'll say is i hope you don't bullshit...I hope your intension's are genuine unless..... there would be repercussions. I would not say your dad was that great of a GOv, cos frankly there have been more useless GOvs in Oyo state, so its hard to compare. Notwithstanding, one cannot punish you for sins your dad may or may not have committed. Its up to you to determine if you'd create a great name for yourself and not hide under daddies agbada. I dont seem to hear too many great stories about you...but I guess thats why you have to prove them wrong. I like your ambition...just dont screw it up...prepare yourself well well and stop with the" que sera sera" nonsense . If someone asks you for a manifesto...prepare a damn manifesto even if we are still in 2008

someone had asked for a manifesto and his answer was que cerra cerra..(what will be will be)...WTF!!

Dapo Lam Adesina wrote
at 4:24pm on September 2nd, 2008

Mr femi beckley thanks for the comments.Taken note of the points.A manifesto on facebook dont u think i wld be a clown.i have heard a lot bout u 2.Is your father Chief bayo beckley?Bodija,ibadan.besides former cottons club?very interesting


Imagine the lad had the audacity to call me a MR. and say he 's heard about me???

Femi B wrote

at 5:32pm on September 3rd, 2008

Mr Dapo "Lam" Adesina frankly i think you should loose the "lam" but hey ..its not my business. Anyway you might not be a clown, but you do crack jokes as I am not a MR. I am 100% all FEMALE. You are correct about your assumptions. however, you dont need to put a detailed manifesto on Fb... All i was saying was if u indeed have good intentions(manifesto/platform) for Oyo state, tell that guy what they are ..vaguely . for instance...nah let me stop ..you never know i might be your opposing candidate for rep...lol

At least he could have stated Oyo states pertinent issues that he is passionate about and given a summary of how he might tackle it..or just list the issues facing oyo state...i mean what exactly makes you want to represent Oyo state in Abuja???

Dapo Lam Adesina wrote
at 5:05am yesterday

femi i am very sorry i reffered to u as masculine.Hope my apologies are accepted?I really do appreciate ur comments.i wont mind having you as my opponent,sure it wld be a smooth ride 4 me....lol.watch out when the time comes for the real manifesto and not some child play on fb.i can assure u i av very pure intentions and the Lam thing i cant cos i am proud of it.The questions i am sure ur pop knows a lot bout my fathers achievement cos he was a local government chairman when my pop was n govt.Hope that answers.thank u so much,u are appreciated


In ma mind.,.apology accepted..but wetin concern my dad.. with the price of fish in Onitsha ? and saying I'd be a smooth ride...now i indeed wanted to bring out my viscious feminist side and eat him alive....but then again i thought that i'll only unleash the feminist bitch in me when it is absolutely necessary...i dont want people thinking I am those feminists that burn bras and dont shave their armpits and legs.....and i still strongly believe in chivalry...lol
Anyway i also want to give him the benefit of the doubt that the reason he said it would be a smooth race for him if i ran against him ..would not be because I am FEMALE........

Imagine other people replying me and saying oh I have guts for a woman....are u saying women dont have guts? Anyway I just thought i'd share...Funny enough when i told my father about the posts...he said he was proud of me probably cos i have shown interest in politics unlike my siblings.

***I wrote this post while attending online church...witches May fire continue to consume you amen*****

Yoruba Novelty Card draft

My first try at making a Yoruba novelty card.
Front card- Olomi jojolo (my little darling)
Inside card- Je kin fi owo ba e je (Let me use money to spoil you)





Click image to enlarge

Camping Trip

Last weekend i went camping with my house mates. I have never gone camping before (the real one) and i suddenly developed an interest when GNG had blogged about it.

I headed of to Maunch chunk lake in Pennsylvania, an hour and a half drive away from me. It was really a drive through the woods. At several times i got so scared because i was the only one on a narrow road with trees high as the sky for about 15 mins. I mean ...you could barely even see they sky. Anyway i got there and i had missed the rock climbing, hiking and bike riding experience..i was a little bombed about that, but then again, when i tried to picture my self trying to lift my behind on a rocky mountain...i laugh and thank God i missed it.

We got to the camp site and sat around the fire eating steak, boiled clams and playing music. I had the drums to beat on (i guess i was the only black person there, so i had to show my rhythmic skills). After, we played some weird game called slack line. Its where you tie a rope to two trees and try to steadily walk on the rope without falling. Chei!, i tried it oh , but as i put one leg on it..my whole body was just giggling..like i was dancing shina peters. After 5 trys, I gave up so as not to embarrass my dear self. We ended the night and went to sleep and it was the most uncomfortable sleep I've slept in a while. I did however wake up with a toad in my tent hopping away. I wonder if it was supposed to be my prince charming.....now i will never find out oh, cos it did not wait for me to kiss it...stupid frog.

I did have a very calming time away from civilization, but i couldn't help but think what a different experience i would have had if i had gone with my Naija crew...men we would have had some serious fun. First of all the food would have been slamming, i mean i can bet my life that someone would have cooked at least jollof rice. (you hear cook outs and BBQ's and some how...J-rice just has to find its way in)

I also know we would have had some stimulating argument on naija politics or Obama or We would have done our own Karaoke to Yahooze or Gongo aso.

Anyway I owe this experience to Good naija girl , cos she got me thinking about the whole camping thing. Maybe someday we would get to camp in Canadarrrr ..lol( i have a friend who says canadar with the rolling R and Eforr too...weird)

What would you be remembered for?

I think about what my purpose is for this life. I do want to be remembered for something and leave my mark on this earth. Then i wonder how all these great people left their names even those that are still living.. Their names are synonyms for some kind of achievement...good or bad
Like when someone says "men...that chic is a Margret thatcher"(first female prime minister of England) everyone knows you can't mess with that chic cos she is fire. Here are a list of names and their synonyms,

Ben Johnson - running fast outta there (100m olympic runner)
Mother Theresa- Charitable (a nun that was charitable)
Cliford Orji - Human eater (a lagosian that ate other lagosians)
MJ Michael Jackson- Rocker/ Dancer
Dangote Rich man (Nigerians billionaire)
Bill gates Wealthy man (Microsoft)
Warren Buffet Very wealthy man (richest man in the world)
Domitila Ashewo (nigerian movie about a prostitute)
Hitler - wicked person (Adolf hitler, creator of the holocaust)
Martha Stewart- Jack of all trades ..but recently..jail bird
Denzel - One very fine bobo (Hollywood actor)
Osama- hmm i'll leave that one for your imagination...i've already gotten SSS come look for my humble self before..long story
MufunMula Olowo tin fowo shanu... (Rich man that gives charity) (this one is strictly for Ibadan folks) don't know his full name

I can't think of any other right now. The point is that i would like my name to be synonymous for something great... even the likes of Micheal Phelps and Usani Bolt are already working towards that as a pool beast and a track beast .

Me, Femi B would like to be synonymous for A CHARITABLE WOMAN WHO WAS THE FIRST FEMALE PRESIDENT OF NAIJA AND RETIRED TO BEING AN ONILU( BAND SINGER) AND A COMICAL ENTERTAINER

Anyway that just too long as a synonym but i would like to be known for my contributions to oppressed people.

What would your name be synonymous for?

i want to make a sentence using the names above........

Men, my heartbeat is racing like Ben Johnson, because my wife caught me with some Domitila looking girl. Its not my fault that the women love me, it cos of my Denzel looks and my Bill gates wallet. If she is not careful i would just Osama my way outta this marriage......

Wanna try....N20.00 to anyone who succesfully used Femi b...lol

Vote for sasha for best female video HERE

Naija Style Love letters II (Pidgin)

After much searching for material from my brain of my limited pidgin resources, I have finally finished my love letter in pidgin. I think i prefer the Yoruba one or what do you think? Yoruba has away of making things sound heavy. Please fluent pidgin people...i tried oh but i have some kind of handicap....So this is my disclaimer...lol So Solomonsydelle feel free to use it oh.

Bonaventure my bobo, I dey hail u oh….una well done . U too fine pass all the bobo wey full ground.

The kain tin wey dey do me na say, na soso anytime wey my eyes dey connect with una, na so my heart go dey do marathon.

If I take my eye look anoda bobo, walahi…e no go beta for dat kain eye.

Sugarpie, I gbadun you pass my mama (insert your own food)

If you no gree for me, I go take my head knack for ground

Honeypie, All the pikin wey I for born……na only u I wan born am for.

Anytime wey I dey by ur side, I know sey,,, better go dey for okra soup

Bonnypie, Abeg this love wey I get for you pass love wey pass all.

Forever and ever titi lailai na me only go be for you and na you go be for me

Na me oh
Lovette (your boo boo)

GREEN NAIJA GREEN.........NAIJA BORN GREEN

I am in the design/architecture industry and we are bombarded everyday on how to be GREEN. Green design, Green design Green Design. So since i am still compiling material for the continuation of Naija style love letters in pidgin, i thought i'd share this.

I just completed one of Algore's book(the inconvenient Truth) about how we are damaging this planet, i began to think of ways to BE GREEN. Then i realized that many of my naija friends including some other African friends and I were kinda born GREEN.

So when i see my friends in school try to be GREEN by buying recycled "finished"products, earth friendly products,....(i just saw these Green dresses on Project Runway last night.) That reminds me.... my teacher also showed me a carpet that could be eaten.....hmmm an edible carpet..Anyway back to my point, i think these people who go out of their way to buy recycled goods which are most likely more expensive are doing a good job at least for a start. But the fact is that most of these products that are so called GREEN still go thru a manufacturing process that probably still causes global warming.

Then i think about ways I was GREEN in naija without even knowing it and it did not cost me a dime. So i complied a list of things my friends, family did, and things i saw, heard that are 100% GREEN and don't cost anything...even they are economical....heres the list...grosse or not..they helped save this planet in some way


1. Torn pieces of a sack of rice used as a sponge for washing dishes
2. Old chair foam torn and also used as sponge for washing dishes
3. old ice-cream tubs as topper ware/fridge storage.
4. old coffee jars as condiment canisters like pepper and salt
5. old clothes as rags/mops (not sure if a good idea)
6. Rain water for dirty jobs (not sure if a good idea either)
7. Newspapers as wrapping paper.....especially for the "passing the parcel"
8. Newspaper for suya(beef kebab) boli(roasted plantains), roasted corn, peanuts..etc
9. offering bags instead of offering envelops. (common now lets save the trees)

I could go on and on with more ridiculous methods of "being GREEN", but the question is...were we concerned about recycling or was it just a way of economizing or just plain poverty? What were other ways you guys recycled without even knowing it?

Naija style Love letters part 1

Some years back, a friend and I used to write mockery love letters in Yoruba, pidgin and all sorts. They were strictly for fun so I decided to try my hands out again on a Yoruba love letter and see if I've improved on my "D7 WAEC" Yoruba (i know i failed oh, I was so useless). Anyway here is my rendition of a love letter written by a Guy to his beloved...Adufe. I'll add a translation for obvious reasons. Here it goes...

WARNING!: Ami (accents )might just not be correct but bear with me

Adùfẹ...... owunmi lobìrin, oréké lé wà ọmọgé...mo nífé rè tori torùn, tèsè táyá, tojú, tẹ́nu
Odùn lobìrin lá tokè dé ìsàlè. Tim bá tin ri ẹ áyá mi á ma ṣẹ gbìgbìgbì
Ọlọmọgé Ẹlẹjè tutu
Larìn awọ̀n ọmọ obìrin tí o wa layẹ yìí, iwo ni ọkàn mi yàn
To bá kọ̀ látì fẹ́ mi, mo má pá rá mi si ẹ lórùn
Wá ṣe temi..emi náà fẹ́ ṣe tí ẹ
Awọ̀n sisi pọ ni gbóró tí mo fí yan ẹ
odùn jú gbógbó cranberry juice layẹ yìí ati ọrún....

Adùfẹ baby mi... jọ́wọ̀ dákun ṣe temi.....babi yii jóò
mo fí ásíkọ yìí ṣélérí fún ẹ wípé nígbò jò, nígborùn, bí ìlẹ́ bán jó, bólẹ̀ bán já, tí ẹ ní mó má ṣé lojokojo

Ti ẹ ni tóòtọ
Ọkọ Adùfẹ

English
Adufe...a woman of my choice, beautiful young damsel. I love you from head to toe
Sweet lady from top to bottom. Whenever I set my eyes on you....my heart beats fast
Cool calm and collected beautiful damsel
Of all the women in the world, you are my hearts choice
If you fail to be with me, I can kill myself
Be mine, I want to be yours
There are many women in the world but i picked you
You are the sweetest juice ever
Baby please, be mine, please now,
I want to use this time to let you know that in all weather conditions and disasters, I'll be yours at all time


Truly Yours
Adufe's Boo

Thanks to everyone who helped in giving me a line or two charizard, Wellsbaba
stolen or original, used or not used..thanks. And to the guys that might wanna steal this and use for their babes........ feel free....lol. I'd like to do a pidgin one too..but hmmm...so if you have such lines please share. I am pidgin challenged sometimes. I'll quote you MLA style..thanks

Gender Bias

Gender bias, How i hate it so much.
I was talking to some naija dude and i asked him to tell me about himself.....

"Give me your 15 second elevator speech, sell yourself" i said
He goes..."erm I'm 6'2 dark, ladies man, very sexual....I mean i have a high sex drive" (HSD)

Now, I'm thinking to my self... (not judging the guy, i mean its ok to have a healthy sexual appetite) ...and wondering if a female gave that same 15 second elevator speech, wouldn't she be considered a ho! (amongst naija folks). Now i am definitely not equating the fact that since the dude has a HSD, he automatically is a ho!!. I wonder what the definition of a HO!! is? Or the fact that some guys would say "OH she's been around" around with who? if shes been stigmatized cos she has been around with "these guys", then I hope "these guys" too are stigmatized and labeled as "oh he's been around".
The point I am trying to put across is the fact that women are more likely to be degraded in terms of their sexual prowess than their counterparts. I believe an Ashewo (ho) transcends all gender...it does not discriminate. I think i have more male friends that are ho's than female friend ho's. (hmmm.. are they my friends or acquaintances..... hmmm my mother says show me ur friend and i'll.........I am not a ho oh!!!! lol) What again is this definition of a ho? CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME OUT! My friend who is a Human Rights lawyer told me about a case she is handling whereby a man divorced his wife because she was moaning while having sex.(lol, next time she'll bite her lip/tongue and shut the hell up!!!) I thought that was just ridiculous, shouldn't he be proud of his performance and his ability to please her? Then again, i think about female circumcision and the basis of it that a woman would be promiscuous if she did enjoy sex. ..... I guess it was probably those men that could never satisfy their women as a result of their shortcomings, so they decide to formulate this stupid theory and make a useless law out of it.

So i say more of us women need to be in the government in some way...Politicians, Lawyers, Human rights activists, law makers/enforcers, noise makers ...etc the more women that are in such positions and roles, the more we are able to be heard and rid these useless things they keep using to demean us.

ONE NIGERIA

Do i believe in a One Nigeria, ...Well i would love to believe in it but........

I must say my perception of Nigeria's tribes and ethnic groups have changed over time. I used to be very narrow minded and think Nigeria was only made up oh Igbo, Yoruba and Hausa and everyone had to fall under one category and call it a day. Anyway Glad i am very well educated and don't make such dumb mistakes anymore. Now i wonder what makes someone an indigene or a stranger of a place.
For instance, I was born and raised in Ibadan, Oyo state but if anyone were to ask me where i was from, I would proudly say Abeokuta, Ogun state. Even my last name gives it away that i am either from Lagos or from Ogun state, because of the English last name. Anyway my issue is that if i have lived all my life in a certain place, doesn't that mean i have naturalized and become a citizen of that place? Like as i was born in UCH ibadan, and raised in Ibadan, shouldn't i be said to be from Oyo state (eww) or be able to hold a political office in Oyo state?
I remember when my dad was running for Local Government chairman for Ibadan North local Govt in Oyo state. It was such a hassle because, Oyo state natives swore they would never swear in an ajeji (a stranger) . How can my father be a stranger in oyo state. His father lived in Ibadan, held a public office in Ibadan, my father lived in Ib, paid taxes , ran his business in ib and now they see him as a stranger? Now i think about people complaining about Igbo people in Lagos and how some of them want to run for public office and it seeming absurd. If Mr "Okafor" is like a third generation Lagosian what disqualifies him from running for office in Lagos State.
My mum would argue that oh its different because he is igbo and not Yoruba and a Yoruba man would never even dream of planning to run for office in an Igbo state. Well i dont know about that but i think if everyone thinks that way, then there would never be a One Nigeria.
For example Hillary Clinton, born in Pennsylvania, lived in Arkansas and then senator representing New York....... well we can argue that America is not comparable to Nigeria because of obvious reasons. So do we want a One Nigeria or was Ojukwu right in trying to divide Nigeria, I mean cos its such a hassle thinking oh, Igbo president today, Yoruba tomorrow oh hausa you've done it for too long....or what about the ijaws, ibibios, jukuns, fulanis, efiks, kanuris, Urhobos...etc when would it be their turn?

I guess my question are:
1. Can Bukola Ojo Claim she is from Imo State since she was born and raised there? Or Chinyere Okafor claim she is from Ondo state? Would she be accepted ? Can she run for state Governor without people thinking she is insane?

2. "are u from where u are born, raised, family place, or just where u pay your taxes to"? ( if thats the case I am from America oh cos men... i dey pay tax like crazy for here lol)