My Random Thoughts and Experiences

Saturday, January 31, 2009

I'm Back and more stories

Praise the lord, I am dad is much better. (He is out of the hospital recuperating) I want to thank everyone for their prayers and warm messages. They all gave me a good feeling during the trying period of my family. Men bloggville is too much

Now I am back in the states and I have a whole lotta gist about my trip. I don't even know how i would begin to spill it. I'd start with the crazy Nigerians i met during this trip...starting from the craziest.

Very obnoxious dude on the plane.

Ok there was this guy quite on the heavy side, all sweaty...wearing a dirty white t-shirt. Baggy jeans that looked like skinny jeans on him. NOw these baggy/skinny jeans was encrusted with rhinestones all on the back pocket. I am trying to take my time to give you a vivid description so you understand my plight
. Anyway this man caught everyones attention because he kept cussing and swearing at the security because some "Belgian" woman was searching him. Anyway he kept yelling throughout the terminal and even in the plane. "fuck shit this is naija..i mean what... bullshit.....yeah naija shit fuck"

Now as i arrived on the plane...i prayed to God pls lord let me not have anyone seating next to me better still let me not have this obnoxious dude seating next to me..... but alas God had plans to humor me. Now obidike (not sure if thats his name but it sounds a lot like his name)was graced to be seating next to yours truly already taking up half of my space. here goes our conversation

Obidike (on seeing me) Jesus!!
Femi B: Why did you say Jesus? there a problem?
Obidike: No nothing..he is my brother and I am calling on him
Femi B: Well He is my brother too ,but you seemed to have shouted Jesus in reference to me *** abi am I that beautiful??***
Obidike: my name is obidike ..(stretches his sweaty hairy arms stinking of beer) Nice to meet you
Femi B: (dying from the stench of old beer and sweat) Hello im Femi B
Obidike : I am from Anambra...where are you from?
Femi B: I am a citizen of the world...i don't reference any country.
Obi: HOw? abeg tell i go fit get that kain dey work for a world organization abi which NGO (Non-profit Org.) you dey work for..abeg show me the way.
Femi B: (laughs uncontrollably) I am only joking, I am only a citizen of the world by heart
Obi: (not getting my joke) please now..tell wetin you dey do to get that kain thing...abeg now
Femi B: ( decides to continue playing the fool) well sorry they don't just give have to walk in my shoes
Obi: (stretches forth his hand and grabs my legs to view my shoes) shey this na the shoe?
Femi B: (appalled at the nerve!!!) Abeg leave my leg wetin cause that kind thing.. and i meant shoes figuratively speaking not literally ok

Then dude goes into a whole speech of how civilization began in anambra and how anambra holds the holies of holies. anyway I decided to raise my feet and place them on the seat in front of me..only to realize..dude had a foot fetish of some sort. Straight he went for my feet and began rubbing...

Femi B: haba what is all this rubbish..( removes my leg forcefully)
Obi: ahah why you dey shakara, please put the feet back
Femi B: (looks around in the full plane for another seat...seems like i'll be seating next to a sexual predator with a foot fetish for the next 6 hours)

We kept battling with the feet and then he tries to start to rub my legs in the process. I wonder where my fire went because i for don whoze am with ifoti to gbona feli feli ( hot slap) but i just choose to be civil and warn him and remove his hand.

Then dude went to sleep and began his snoring feast. I said a quick thank you to God at least he wont disturb me again. only for his hand to be wandering to my thigh and knee trying to rub whilst in deep sleep. Haaaa wetin be this? what is going on in his dreams?? is he sleep rubbing or wetin? I removed his hand and throughout the course of the flight, maybe he did it about 3 times again.

I wondered about my reactions..was i so occupied with the thoughts of leaving my father back in Nigeria in a slightly better condition?, or the fear of what was in stake for me with my landlord since i don dey owe am rent, or school because i had prolonged my stay because of my dad. Too much in my head to want to deal with this pervert of a guy. anyway we got to France and men i ran far away from him not to be seen near him again for the rest of my life.

I kinda asked him what he did in America, because I was curious at what kind of personality he had to hold some type of job and he told me to come to his house to find out...Tufiaka...olorun maje God forbid..thats how i would go there now and then i'll meet a range of cut off human feet nicely displayed on his wall.

Thanks once again for all your messages. I wanted to try and meet some Naija bloggers whilst away but men too much hospital drama and imagine thieves also came to our house in the process. WHEN IT RAINS IN POURS!!!!!

LET ME GO AND TAKE MY ANTI-MALARIA B4 all those mosquitoes begin to send fire e-mails to me from Nigeria