Gender bias, How i hate it so much. I was talking to some naija dude and i asked him to tell me about himself.....
"Give me your 15 second elevator speech, sell yourself" i said He goes..."erm I'm 6'2 dark, ladies man, very sexual....I mean i have a high sex drive" (HSD)
Now, I'm thinking to my self... (not judging the guy, i mean its ok to have a healthy sexual appetite) ...and wondering if a female gave that same 15 second elevator speech, wouldn't she be considered a ho! (amongst naija folks). Now i am definitely not equating the fact that since the dude has a HSD, he automatically is a ho!!. I wonder what the definition of a HO!! is? Or the fact that some guys would say "OH she's been around" around with who? if shes been stigmatized cos she has been around with "these guys", then I hope "these guys" too are stigmatized and labeled as "oh he's been around". The point I am trying to put across is the fact that women are more likely to be degraded in terms of their sexual prowess than their counterparts. I believe an Ashewo (ho) transcends all gender...it does not discriminate. I think i have more male friends that are ho's than female friend ho's. (hmmm.. are they my friends or acquaintances..... hmmm my mother says show me ur friend and i'll.........I am not a ho oh!!!! lol) What again is this definition of a ho? CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME OUT! My friend who is a Human Rights lawyer told me about a case she is handling whereby a man divorced his wife because she was moaning while having sex.(lol, next time she'll bite her lip/tongue and shut the hell up!!!) I thought that was just ridiculous, shouldn't he be proud of his performance and his ability to please her? Then again, i think about female circumcision and the basis of it that a woman would be promiscuous if she did enjoy sex. ..... I guess it was probably those men that could never satisfy their women as a result of their shortcomings, so they decide to formulate this stupid theory and make a useless law out of it.
So i say more of us women need to be in the government in some way...Politicians, Lawyers, Human rights activists, law makers/enforcers, noise makers ...etc the more women that are in such positions and roles, the more we are able to be heard and rid these useless things they keep using to demean us.
Do i believe in a One Nigeria, ...Well i would love to believe in it but........
I must say my perception of Nigeria's tribes and ethnic groups have changed over time. I used to be very narrow minded and think Nigeria was only made up oh Igbo, Yoruba and Hausa and everyone had to fall under one category and call it a day. Anyway Glad i am very well educated and don't make such dumb mistakes anymore. Now i wonder what makes someone an indigene or a stranger of a place. For instance, I was born and raised in Ibadan, Oyo state but if anyone were to ask me where i was from, I would proudly say Abeokuta, Ogun state. Even my last name gives it away that i am either from Lagos or from Ogun state, because of the English last name. Anyway my issue is that if i have lived all my life in a certain place, doesn't that mean i have naturalized and become a citizen of that place? Like as i was born in UCH ibadan, and raised in Ibadan, shouldn't i be said to be from Oyo state (eww) or be able to hold a political office in Oyo state? I remember when my dad was running for Local Government chairman for Ibadan North local Govt in Oyo state. It was such a hassle because, Oyo state natives swore they would never swear in an ajeji (a stranger) . How can my father be a stranger in oyo state. His father lived in Ibadan, held a public office in Ibadan, my father lived in Ib, paid taxes , ran his business in ib and now they see him as a stranger? Now i think about people complaining about Igbo people in Lagos and how some of them want to run for public office and it seeming absurd. If Mr "Okafor" is like a third generation Lagosian what disqualifies him from running for office in Lagos State. My mum would argue that oh its different because he is igbo and not Yoruba and a Yoruba man would never even dream of planning to run for office in an Igbo state. Well i dont know about that but i think if everyone thinks that way, then there would never be a One Nigeria. For example Hillary Clinton, born in Pennsylvania, lived in Arkansas and then senator representing New York....... well we can argue that America is not comparable to Nigeria because of obvious reasons. So do we want a One Nigeria or was Ojukwu right in trying to divide Nigeria, I mean cos its such a hassle thinking oh, Igbo president today, Yoruba tomorrow oh hausa you've done it for too long....or what about the ijaws, ibibios, jukuns, fulanis, efiks, kanuris, Urhobos...etc when would it be their turn?
I guess my question are: 1. Can Bukola Ojo Claim she is from Imo State since she was born and raised there? Or Chinyere Okafor claim she is from Ondo state? Would she be accepted ? Can she run for state Governor without people thinking she is insane?
2. "are u from where u are born, raised, family place, or just where u pay your taxes to"? ( if thats the case I am from America oh cos men... i dey pay tax like crazy for here lol)
I guess this weekend is going to be fathers day. I am still angry at my dad. I don't know why, ok maybe because he did not call on my birthday but sent a text 10 mins before midnight my time. Ok maybe i am a little hard on him. He is a lil old and my mum was not in Ibadan to remind him. But i am still angry. He is yet to appease me so that my anger can stop.
When i think of me being angry at my dad for not calling me on my birthday and only sending me a text, i then think i am just plain spoiled because, i think of those who don't have their fathers in their lives or have the kind of relationship i have with my father. Sometime i try to watch how I talk about my father in front of friends that don't have a relationship with theirs because, i can see it in their eyes sometimes ...a longing...or wondering.
On the other side, its funny how some men feel they need to be applauded since they take care of their children or they are very present in their child's life. I say bullshit and applauding my ass.( sorry for my french but i am pissed) . You as a father should be obligated to take care of your seed. Why should i clap for you doing your job as a father. Its like someone applauding me for taking a nap or eating or just doing what i am supposed to be doing.
Now i think about it, i thank God for the wonderful father i have and once he calls and apologizes or i lament about him not calling, i would forgive and forget. Well i might have already forgiven him cos he called me one day just to say hi, and i forgot to tell him i was still mad. I think i was sleeping when he called and forgot i was angry at him. My sister says i cannot be mad at my baba in my subconsciousness, i guess not cos i do love him dearly.
Sold for $250 No name table, Could be called FallZen table, combination of fall season and zen design elements. Made out of pre-cut wood and handmade tiles. Additional materials were leaves, river rocks and glass. This chair, oh how i labored on it. Mimicked from a toilet seat because of its oval shape and people always teasing. It is an aesthetic piece, not functional (but i did sit on it and it held my weight). Made solely from found wood and precut wood. My found pieces were the bark, and the tiny branches embedded in the seat and back. It could be used in a garden to hold tiny flower pots or used as art in a garden.
Here are a few of my experiences in this my 25 years on beautiful earth.. contd/ part2. (OH I HAVE MANY OH) I am the third of three beautiful girls and since my dad did not have a boy, i made it possible for him not to miss out on the father-son relationship, so I was a renowned tomboy. OH i hate that word, it brings back horrific memories. So with my tomboyish ways i mos def got into the dumbest accidents ever. Rake holes in Feet I had just come back from Kiddies forum meeting in church and my friend F and I had decided to meet up at her place but i needed permission from my parents first, so i went home. I got home and no one was around so to kill time, i wanted to pluck some apples and take to F. (very thoughtful but also bad idea). So i get this rusty rake and i go aclimbing. I set the rake face up against the tree and i start climbing the apple tree. I had not taken more that three steps up when i spotted a weird looking lizard/animal with numerous colors. I was so frightened, i jumped down right into the rake. I had to pull the rake out of my foot. By the end of the night, not only did i not get to go to F's house to play, i had four holes underneath my foot and i had been jabbed with a tetanus shot. Boy did i cry like a baby. I still hate needles to date. Broken Toe June 1994 I remember going to a friends house one day to study for my common entrance examination into ISI. We had been studying all day and needed a break. My friend (N) suggested we play soccer outside. So we went outside and i insisted that i'd be the striker and N be the goalie so as to showcase my God given talents (bad idea). I should have just chilled at the goal post oh. Anyway to cut a very stupid story short, I was or rather i think i was trying to dribble when N's brother (B) swung his right foot underneath my foot. Oh boy did i yell. We tried everything but men the pain was unbearable. Anyway since i did not want my mother to know i had been playing, i did not tell her and i had to walk on it and show no pain.(another bad idea) by the time i was done pretending, my foot was swollen,toe broken and i had 6 weeks of convalescing to do.
Broken/Sprained Ankle June 11, 1996 I was in JSS 2 and it was my friends E's Birthday. I came out of class and i think i was goingto say hello to her and instead of using the stairs, i decided to jump from a height of 3ft.( approx.three wooden rulers). Anyway i jumped and landed right on a twisted ankle.....damn it hurts even thinking about it. I was rushed to jaja Clinic in UI. Stupid people thought it was a dislocation because i had a ball like object sticking out my ankle and they decided to put a splinter on it. Anyway my parents came back, which lead to UCH and Dr's and Xrays and a torn Ligament and a bone chipped and 6weeks of POP cast and no school.
Super Glued Eye Very silly story. I wanted to open the super glue tube so i held the tube in one hand, and a pin to puncture the top in the other had. The thing is that you are supposed to puncture it away from your eyes but silly me , i needed to see to puncture correctly, so i had the tube facing my eye. I punctured and the super glue squirt into my eye. Before i could say Jack robinson, the glue had solidified and i had a very rough layer of glue on my eyeballs. It hurt so much oh my , took a while to get it all off oh. Thank God i still have full sight.
Broken/ Sprained Ankle June 11, 1998 Karma's a bitch!!! I skipped my French class because almost the whole school had a free period that time and the best gist often happened at that time and i was not one to miss gist. Anyway i go over to the senior common room with my friends and A (a friend of mine) comes over and he walks away. I then get up and try to mock his distinct "pimplike walk on air" walk and boom bam bam......another twisted ankle, another 6 weeks of crutches/POP cast/no school. And yes it happened the same day as the previous ankle wahala only 2 years ago and on the other ankle. Men UCH had a field day with me ...i don't blame them. 2 sprains occurring on the same day but 2 years apart, thats more that a coincidence. This time i hated missing school cos this senior senior admirer bobo was "tickling my fancy" and the day i came back to school was his last day of school. I was in SS1 ans he was in SS3.Hmmmmm, missed out on some weird twisted high school romance, or maybe not
Broken,Sprained Ankle Sept (cant remember the year) was caused by K, he took me to eat suya and pulled me away from the smoke and oops ...once again i landed on a twisted ankle. Not too much damage though. I don't think i even got a cast, only a bandage for about 4 weeks.
Skating Palava= Bottom wahala Jan 7,2003 OK, F decided to have a skating parry parry for her birthday. I obvioulsy dont know how to skate but i thought i got the hang of it but just as i was about to impress...whish whosh bam, landed on my coccyx, my tail bone, the upper part of my ass. Damn it hurt for like a year. Really a yeah...thanks to Icy hot.
A feminist with a passion for God, Family,Art, Nigeria and Human Rights. I love dancing ...might be shy at first but would rock to any song any where. I am almost an open book...i think i just found that about myself.