Nigerias Healthcare Nigerians Healthscare

I have been thinking about moving back to Nigeria for a while now, and every time I come home for the holidays, the thoughts become stronger ...until now. Nigeria’s Healthcare system has scared me big time. It seems there are remedies for all Nigeria’s problems if you have money, but one thing you can't ignore is healthcare. One can tell me”but Femi B if you have money, you can travel out of the country and get treatment outside" But my reply is what if time and movement are huge factors? One leaving in Nigeria should just pray that they never fall really sick because.......

Here are a few problems that bothered me to the top. But I’ll give a quick synopsis

My dad is ill so we've been in the hospital for a couple of weeks now. They tell us to consider ourselves lucky because first, he is in the best hospital (UCH) in Nigeria in terms of expertise and he is in the private suite wing of the hospital (meaning he pays more he gets preferential treatment and a "hotel like" room. BULLSHIT!!!!!

1. This so called "hotel Like" room never has constant water running, we beg them to fetch water and they give us attitude. Light is never constant (a couple of times he has been administered drugs and care with the nurse placing a flash/torch light in her mouth so her hands are free to administer care to him. Nothing is handicap accessible; you literally jump out of the elevator onto the landing (that’s even if the elevator works). Equipment regularly malfunctions or there is no power to turn them on. With all these silly issues, they are charging crazy for their so called "private suite".
We’ve brought our Generator, water, toiletries, gloves and much more because they seem stingy with theirs e.g one tiny harsh toilet roll for one week.

2. Most of these nurses and in-house DR.'s don’t know what they are doing. We have to keep our own chart and document everything because they are not doing their jobs properly or they forget what drugs they've already given him. Mosquito has almost chopped me with the lack of flush doors and mosquito net. And they still charge crazy money
ok maybe their hotel like room, big enough, tv,ac, hot leaking fridge, computer &internet, private bathroom aka bathing disaster, nice paintings, automatic bed the nurses don’t know how to operate and less more..Lol.

3. Using the toilet is a disaster as one has to spread legs so as not to be hitting the sink or the shower basin, because there is no ample space. One would be thinking with this design the contractor must definitely be a retard....nothing else. everything is elevated and there are no ramps, I mean how does one who is confined to a wheel chair or a really sick person manage to enter and have good bath well well without tripping and cracking a skull or two...lol and they continue to charge crazy fees.

Then if they say we are lucky, I wonder what happens to those in the other wards and those that have not gotten money to have such "hospital Luxury". I mean I met a lady down stairs one day asking me to aid her with her son’s drug bill. I imagined it would be so high that was why she could not pay it. Then I asked her to show me the bill, it was N1, 200 ($10) men...I was humbled, I gave her the money and see how this old woman was kneeling to thank me. It’s embarrassed and saddened me a bit. I wonder how many others out there not able to afford some basic things.

Today is the last day of the year, Im thankful for family and friends, those that are praying, prayed and those who are even financially helping us too. More grease to your ashy elbows and may your elbows continue to be greased throughout 2009. Seriously, May God bless everyone tremendously, may God know your house address and may the devil loose your house address... Amen..till next year.
Have a wonderful new year everyone.

UCH Holiday

At the ending of summer this year, I had some weird thoughts about how I had a perfect family and how everyone was fine and dandy. I looked at each one of the members of my family and not one had any problem or so ever. We have never had any misfortune or any serious issue that couldn't be taken care of. I wondered if God favored my family so much because when you hear other stories of different families....... Then i thanked God and asked him to preserve this grace and mercy over my family.

Now months later, planning to come home to Nigeria for a wonderful holiday, and i came home to nights, days, holidays, birthdays and all in UCH (horrid Hosipital in Ibadan). I asked God why why why? because all i could remember was ..He has always given us grace to triumph such in due time and it seems like this nightmare does not want to end quickly especially during this festive period. I mean how depressing is xmas day in the hospital. (even the UCH staff tried to cheer us up by giving him a gift and taking a picture. I was so mad, who wants a picture remembering such nonsense)

From this experience I have been greatly humbled. I have had some serious pet peeves that now i must say i have overcome them. eg
I can never seem to stand to watch someone brush their teeth. I would almost puke. (however now, I do that for my dad and even much more. I refused to change diapers for my lovely niece because i thought it was just nasty but now i do more for my dad.

My dad is still in the hospital now and i pray daily that he gets better than even before. Tomorrow is going to be his 66th birthday and it pains me that his plan for his "jeans and mini skirt party " would be holding in UCH this year. I love my dad dearly and i believe he is the best dad i could ever have


I remember the year I was to come to the US to study. My mum had travelled and had asked my dad to make sure i got my student visa or she would hold him responsible. My dad in his busy schedule drove me to the embassy that morning and we began to queue. A couple of hours later, we realized that he had forgotten his money bag at yaba which is quite far from where the embassy was considering the traffic in Lagos. My dad suggested going back to the house, but i told him that if he went with his car, he might not be back by the time they call for me and I would not be able to pay for my visa fees and that would hold a huge problem eg not getting my visa

My dad decided to charter an okada man (dangerous commercial motorcycles) in his native attire and head to yaba and back in due time. My dad then was the chairman of Ibadan North Local govt, (like a Mayor of a county) and was also clocking 60. He told me that while crossing the 3rd mainland bridge, he used his fila (hat) to cover his face so no one would recognize him. That small act by my dad made me have the uttermost respect and love for him because i wonder if I was 60 and holding a public office, will i ever take okada (dangerous commercial motorcycles) to aid my child?????


Happy Birthday Akinbayo Olufemi Beckley. Get well soon. Aint i lucky..im named after both my mum and my dad.

We don Land

Got to Nigeria and went straight to the Hospital. Please help pray for my dad. He is really ill and in the hospital. I have a lot to say about Nigerias Healthcare system but for now, Im focused on doing all i can for my dad to be well and i'll begin my rant of my Nigerian Holiday experience, beginning with the very useless Health care we have.

Miss my blog rounds men ...... saying the internet i've been using in Nigeria is slow ......is a huge huge understatment. I mean if all were like this, I wonder how people don't smash their screens in frustration.

Original, Americanized/westernized

In a while i'd be leaving the cold of here and heading for the scorching heat of naija for a rockful xmas. I intend to keep blogging as I hope to get unlimited Internet access by God's grace. Anyway I love listening to all types of music and Nigerian music tops the list once a while. I had an argument with a friend of mine about the originality of the Nigerian music out there now. I must say the Nigerian Music industry has grown and developed in the past few years and her complaints were most of them were not original in the sense that they were copying the west in terms of music and music videos. Now I would try and be an advocate for both sides and y'all be my judge to decide the case.

Original

Or so

Being original, we could say we need to keep our culture our heritage. We need to be proud of who we are and stop copying the west on everything they do. Our Music must showcase we are Nigerians ...we are Africans. We have been brainwashed to think that parts of our culture might be "fetish". But this is only done to discredit what the west does not understand. We need to be proud of who we are and no matter what type of culture we have, it needs to be portrayed in all we do. How else can we show that we are not inferior to others if we don't portray our own and be original with what we have. 

I mean...if i want to listen to hip-hop, rap, pop, r&B etc, I would stick to the Americans because it is theirs and they know how to do it well well. We need to coin our own and let the world know. The jamaicans have their reggae, trinidad has their soca music, 

why can't we coin ours?

Westernized

Then again we could also argue in favor of the westernized music in that every other thing of our lives are mimicked around the western culture. I mean we live in an interdependent globalized world.

Language, 

We all speak some form of a western language. our native languages are not part of our national language

food, 

Well, we have incorporated a lot of westernized food in our cuisine

wedding

white wedding dresses, some ceremonies and the works are definitely not part of our culture, so does that mean we are not original or in touch with out culture

Movies

We all follow American movies, music, politics, everything

Clothes

Well our casual clothes are very much westernized.

So if we have 98% of our daily life surrounded with western culture, why cant music be part of it to. If i listen toamerican rap music and american hip hop all day, when i want to rap my own.... (garbage in garbage out).

Personally, ... I would listen to any kind of music as long as it is good (vocals, lyrics, beats/musicality) Americanized or original. As long as they are not using Beyonce's beats or Lil Wayne's hooks im ok with it. I guess it is easier to do what you know. A lot of people do not listen to the traditional music anymore and even when they have music awards in Nigeria, fuji, apala, afro juju, juju etc are all left out of the categories. So where do you want these average artiste to dig out their Africaness or Nigerianess from??

First video Rugeddy Baba ft. 9ice

Second Video Dj jimmy jatt ft. Blaise, Sasha (my high school hommie), Bouquoi, Kemistry.

Femi B

I am so busy with school and travel plans, that I feel I am loosing my blogging mojo and i have started to feel guilty. (I need my mojo back) That sounds so funny cos, i remember mojo also meaning blue film which also means porn...hmmm anyway i feel Like it is a sin now not to update kia kia. I have so much posts to do, but since my brain is all scattered from finals, I'll reserve my thoughts till when final finishes. BTW I am also going to Nigeria for a chieftancy title..yes ke I have been awarded Iyalode ajagunrocker of Blogvilleland situated in Ibadan. I kid oh but im going home for the holidays..yippee. I trust my family..one week of pampering (generator, A.C, real Pounded yam etc) then the remaining weeks doing "house girl" duties. I'll just use this post to do a lil soul searching......who femi B really is


Femi B
Pregnant women, maternity hospitals and new born babies frighten and irritate me. (i am seriously praying against it)

I am disgustingly afraid of cats..i think they'd spit in my eye and i'll go blind

My favorite past time is dancing in my room in front of the Mirror naked (completely sometimes) with heels.

I pick up hobbies as fast as i drop them....most are crafty and artistic/funny hobbies

I absolutely love dark humor. or maybe i see the humor in everything

I imagine how bloggers look like and i have been dead wrong all the time (met some bloggers over thanksgiving break...they are the nicest people ever)

I imagine the lives of people i see and play a movie of them in my head

I always wonder if my parents still have sex and if they do.....what do they do??? my parents are in their 60's

You'd be my friend for life if you can act a fool with me at a blink of an eye. (good friends/good clowns are hard to find)

I have broken my ankles four times and 2 of them were on the same day but 2 years apart. (I can be clumsy)

My ultimate retirement plan is to be a sexy onilu (band singer) i think i might just have the vocals to do fuji,,,my voice sucks but i think I can be quite nasal.

I hate driving because i hate to concentrate for a long time. (my mind likes to wonder)

I am yet to accept my brothers in law as family..nothing personal, they are very nice guys but its taking me longer to see them as family. hmmm..maybe becos i secretly feel they have broken my nice close knit family by taking my sisters away.......lol. holidays and family pics would never be the same again. lol


And lastly i think about moving back to Nigeria all the time. When ....i don't know

Women and Goldigging!!!

Now i think I am sick and tired of hearing people say..."oh you have to have money before you can open your mouth to talk to a girl" or " Women and money". All this just drives me crazy, it makes me wonder so many things. I do understand that there are some gold diggers in this world and from one of my General Psy. classes i learned that Men are more likely to marry because of Love than Money but Women are more likely to marry for Money or security than love...hmmmmmmmm

Now i would give you different scenarios and ask if these women are gold diggers or not. I would stick to "made up names" so as not to identify any race or ethnic group with anything. I'm a lover of the world..I would write one name now and people go dey fire me with cyber bullets that I am sterotyping.....lol

Seefilis is your typical girl just finishing from college and job hunting, she is approached my many but when choosing, she takes into consideration of those that would compliment her. Her parents are on her case to find a husband quick quick and she sees her friends already marrying or on the verge. There are a couple of male interests, but everyone seems to have comas and question marks.Trojayjay is still in college trying to finish his unending degree, G-sirk has been looking for a job for 4 years, and then there is Durects who apparently has a job and things are going on well with him. Now Seefilis decides to pick Durects to be her boo.... is she a Gold digger???

Herpeas is a woman who is striving for the top. She holds a master degree and has outlined her success path in life. she would not be mediocre but would strive to attain the highest level in her career. Now Herpeas and Crown have been dating since high school. Everyone had believed they'd end up getting married. However problems have aways escalated due to Crowns mediocre behavior to success. Crown enjoys his 9-5 normal job and is ok with the idea of such for the rest of his life. When Herpeas trys to talk to him about his long term career goals...he has no answer or clue. Its very obvious that if Herpeas is not making more money that Crown now, she will eventually do so in the future. Now Herpeas decides to end it all that she needs a man who would be on the same page in terms of career goals.
Is herpeas a gold digger?

Esteedis has just finished her undergraduate degree and decides to enrol into a gradaute program in the hope of finding a man while in grad school. She does not intend to work after school and hopes to be the best house wife she can be. A career is just not her cup of tea, but to be able to find such a man that would "compliment" her..she needs to strategically locate herself in places that such "potentially successful" men would be. Her mother has slaved and worked hard and got no rewards for doing such, so she inturn would like to turn the tables and 'enjoy" on behalf of her mother. Lyfestyl is looking promising as a very inteligent man in her grad class. He looks like a CEO material in the future and she plans on doing everything in her power to get him.
Is she a Gold digger?

To me I think the young girls who go for the 50+ men i believe are the only Gold diggers. Everyone likes good things. These men that are complaining that women are gold digggers..i mean if a man has 2 job offers...one offering $30,000 a year and the other with $120,000 abeg which one you go pick? One thing people should realize that it is not only 'LOVE" that keeps people together, but this does not mean one should marry solely for money. To me I intend to make my own money and be successful too...so its either you are secure enough or u strive to "out money " me.

I mean people would complain shes a gold digger then complain again that "oh she's too successful or too independent'
Abeg, bikko , ofaneh ,please which one you want...(i diverted)

Gold Digger or Not!!!!!

Too Fussy or not???

Before I begin to explain, I would like to do a quick disclaimer

Femi b loves equality amongst everyone. She is not a hater of any gender!!!! I am not a man hater neither do I burn bras. I do love men and Nigerian men top the list once a while. I just only like to stand for equality ..especially gender equality.

Ok, this fuss started when i had to do some research for class on Compressed Natural gas for cars...boring u might say but believe me thats the way forward in the next 20 years.... Anyway the research was extremely boring that I later found myself reading the Nigerian constitution....(lol wouldn't that be from frying pan to fire?) Well, to my surprise it was an interesting read because by the time I was half way through it..I was mad.It seems those who wrote the constitution completely forgot women existed in Nigeria. I mean, it was so gender specific...obviously gearing towards men, that I wondered what happened to all the female lawyers????

Every line included "his", "he", "him" and I wondered if in Nigeria, there were only 140 million men. Also there was a part in it that said a woman can become a Nigerian citizen if her husband is Nigerian and they completely left out the part of the reverse. Meaning if a Nigerian woman married a man......would she have the same rights? ..as that was completely eliminated from the constitution.Now people can say oh Femi b..your own too much...you are reading too much meaning into it...ahah even the bible says "man"kind and 'son" of God...does it mean they have neglected women? Well my response to that is 'when you have men writing things, there is usually a bias as to how they tell it i.e using he, him, mankind..etc and it is left for we women to correct and check it. I repeat ...what happened to all the female lawyers that study this constitution, in fact, I would call my sister tomorrow

I even went as far as looking at the United States constitution to find out if it had the same thing since the Federal republic of Nigeria is kinda modeled after the United States system. Well my findings were different..it had "people", "individual", "person" and was never gender specific.Now my thing is if they say they really want participation from women in government, they should first start my removing all gender specific grammar from the constitution and then we can proceed from there. Below are some excerpts from the Nigerian constitution 1999, and see if I am making too much fuss about the whole thing

.1) Subject to the provisions of section 28 of this Constitution, a person to whom the provisions of this section apply may be registered as a citizen of Nigeria, if the President is satisfied that -
(a) he is a person of good character;
(b) he has shown a clear intention of his desire to be domiciled in Nigeria; and
(c) he has taken the Oath of Allegiance prescribed in the Seventh Schedule to this Constitution.
(2) the provisions of this section shall apply to-
(a) any woman who is or has been married to a citizen of Nigeria; or
(b) every person of full age and capacity born outside Nigeria any of whose grandparents is a citizen of Nigeria.
There is also a part that says any woman that is married has reached full age..in other words..if a man marries a 9 year old girl, she has reached "full age" and is liable to vote???? weird isnt it.
(4) For the purposes of subsection (1) of this section.
a) "full age" means the age of eighteen years and above;
(b) any woman who is married shall be deemed to be of full age.

I thought this was very interesting and i thought i should share. Am I being to fussy or what?
http://www.nigeria-law.org/ConstitutionOfTheFederalRepublicOfNigeria.html

Too fussy or not?

Before I begin to explain, I would like to do a quick disclaimer

Femi b loves equality amongst everyone. She is not a hater of any gender!!!! I am not a man hater neither do i burn bras. I do love men and Nigerian men top the list once a while. I just only like to stand for equality ..especially gender equality.

Ok, this fuss started when i had to do some research for class on Compressed Natural gas for cars...boring u might say but believe me thats the way forward in the next 20 years.... Anyway the research was extremely boring that i later found myself reading the Nigerian constitution....(lol wouldn't that be from frying pan to fire?) Well, to my surprise it was an interesting read because by the time I was half way through it..I was mad.

It seems those who wrote the constitution completely forgot women existed in Nigeria. I mean it was so gender specific...obviously gearing towards men, that I wondered what happened to all the female lawyers????

Every line included "his", "he", "him" and I wondered if in Nigeria, there were only 140 million men. Also there was a part in it that said a woman can become a Nigerian citizen if her husband is Nigerian and they completely left out the part of the reverse. Meaning if a Nigerian woman married a man......would she have the same rights? ..as that was completely eliminated from the constitution.

Now people can say oh Femi b..your own too much...you are reading too much meaning into t...ahah even the bible says "man"kind and 'son" of God...does it mean they have neglected women? Well my response to that is 'when you have men writing things, there is usually a bias as to how they tell it i.e using he, him, mankind..etc and it is left for we women to correct and check it. I repeat ...what happened to all the female lawyers that study this constitution, in fact, I would call my sister tomorrow

I even went as far as looking at the United states constitution to find out if it had the same thing since the Federal republic of Nigeria is kinda modeled after the United states system..Well my findings were different..it had "people", "individual", "person" and was never gender specific.

Now my thing is if they say they really want participation from women in government, they should first start my removing all gender specific grammar from the constitution and then we can proceed from there.Below are some excerpts from the Nigerian constitution 1999, and see if i am making too much fuss about the whole thing.
1) Subject to the provisions of section 28 of this Constitution, a person to whom the provisions of this section apply may be registered as a citizen of Nigeria, if the President is satisfied that -

(a) he is a person of good character;

(b) he has shown a clear intention of his desire to be domiciled in Nigeria; and

(c) he has taken the Oath of Allegiance prescribed in the Seventh Schedule to this Constitution.

(2) the provisions of this section shall apply to-

(a) any woman who is or has been married to a citizen of Nigeria; or

(b) every person of full age and capacity born outside Nigeria any of whose grandparents is a citizen of Nigeria.

There is also a part that says any woman that is married has reached full age..in other words..if a man marries a 9 year old girl, she has reached "full age" and is liable to vote???? weird isnt it.

(4) For the purposes of subsection (1) of this section.

a ) "full age" means the age of eighteen years and above;

(b) any woman who is married shall be deemed to be of full age.

T I thought this was very interesting and i thought i should share. Am I being too fussy?

extra extracted from

http://www.nigeria-law.org/ConstitutionOfTheFederalRepublicOfNigeria.html

Am I

Am I Black or Naija Caramel?

I went to this event on my school campus titled " Genocide in the black Community". The topic was about how 50% of black Americans commit abortions in their life time. And how most abortion clinics are targeted at them by locating their clinics in black neighborhoods. Now the crazy thing is that my school is like 95% white students with very very very few black students. My first thought was why would they want to hold such an event on a campus that the focus group is not even present. I mean the silly speaker went as far as saying "the most dangerous place a black baby can be its in its mothers womb". Now such statements like that is just extremely offensive, and then to air such in a predominantly white school...only fosters more prejudices, stereotypes and discrimination on the few black people in school. (in my head i am thinking ...now that hot hot oyinbo boy in my MBA class that i have been stalking would be thinking twice before making me his baby mama....thanks for ruining my dreams..lol..i kid oh.) Anyway trust me and my noise making... we went to the President of the school and filed a complaint, we'd see how that pans out.

I try to always distance myself from the 'black" stereotypes because frankly..we are different people.. my mentality is very different being raised in Nigeria where i am led to know and believe that i am the best of the best wherever I go..to someone being raised in America as a black person thinking they just might not be the best. (Slavery is a bastard men). However as much as i try to distance myself, my world around me here keeps reminding me I am black and that people would continue looking at me with "African American" stereotypes...till i prove them wrong. I remember my first few classes before i could establish Femi b's intelligence..everyone looked at me like i was an idiot, till i proved them wrong.

Am i wrong for trying to distance myself from the 'african americans" stereotype? I wonder if they had very apealling and nice sterotypes would I still want to be my own African, Nigerian, yoruba, girl and not be 'black". I keep wondering how my appearance can show i am nigerian without people hearing my accent...can i inscribe the Nigerian flag, coat of arms or map on my forehead? ) I am sure yardy would be proud of me..i just might be nigeria's sexy mascot..lol.

I saw this website that said stereotpes for nigerians included being .loud, aggressive, clever and starving. Now thats the funniest thing i have ever heard....to be all that but......then starving? men .. hunger dey catch some people sha.... very funny. I was expecting scamming to be part of the list ..but oh well better luck next time. lol

Oyinbo- White person
yardy - Nigeria's current president

Happy Birthday Mama Beckley

Today is my mums birthday ..and I wish I could be there with her to celebrate it. I have not been with her on her birthday since i moved to America some 6-7 years ago, and i hate that fact. So mummy, heres what I am thinking...............

AS the years passes, I realize that although we have millions of talks and conversations, I have never taken the time and opportunity to thank you for all you have done for me and tell you just how much you mean to me and how much I value our relationship.

As I get older and grow from your little girl, to Femi B... It is you that I must thank for the values and character that have allowed me to achieve the successes and crazy endeavors that I have. I thank you for realizing the importance and value of your encouragement and criticism; they molded my drive , shaped my ambition and toughened my skin. These words taught me to believe in myself and reach for the sky.

It is comforting to know that i have the assurance of your support in ALL my endeavors as well as the benefit of your opinion in all matters concerning my best interest and my idiosyncrasies. I am blessed to have you

You are my Shero and when i grow up..I want to be like you and I see I am slowly becoming your unique self. I love you mummy and I am lucky to have the best mother in the world.

Baba Beckley don't be jealous oh...you know we see now....

Femi B the expert Witness

Finally i am able to share this wonderful experience to y'all. It has been biting me so much, that i have not been able to come up with berra berra posts. so let me explain what this is about

name: Femi B
Job: Expert witness/consultant
Job description: Translating pidgin English to English for the district attorneys office

Ma people..na so i see am oh. I got to work one day and my boss told me that she got a call from the district attorneys office asking if they had any Nigerian individuals in the school that would be willing to translate a Nigerian language. Well, me i said i would do it...you don't know whether one day you might need a favor from the county, so i decided to help out. (u know.. maybe if i do well they fit dash me blue pali..lol)

A couple of days later, I went to the district attorneys office and was introduced to the case and was told what i had to do. A Nigerian individual, i'll call him Pretty Ricky to keep his identity before them wooze me slap. Anyway Pretty ricky had been arrested for some kind of bank fraud (419, yahoo yahoo, forwarding and backwarding..anything u wan call am). Well Pretty ricky was in jail and had been making phone calls from jail and speaking to individuals in pidgin English about the case.

Now as an expert witness, my job was to listen to the phone conversations, transcribe and translate. This was not an easy job as...pretty ricky is from the south eastern part of Nigeria ,meaning he is faster in his pidgin and to make matters worse, he was a stammerer. Anyway i was told i'd be compensated for time spent..so extra money to listen to pidgin....i told the lady "norrin norrin, i go do am'

During all these translating sessions..i kept wondering if i was a sell out Nigerian..helping all these oyinbo people convict my naija bro, especially when i heard him speak with his children who are very very young. Then i thought to myself..these are the people who are spoiling the Nigerian name...that is why anytime i say i am Nigerian, they check my documents 5million times..thats why there are too many hassles at embassies , point of entries, closing business deals and being introduced to your non-Nigerian friends parents. I am sure my naija people in the diaspora know what i mean. It aint easy to be a Nigerian in the international community.

Now the bombshell came when Mrs ADA said i had to testify in court and be infront of pretty ricky and well wishers..them even dash me subpoena (na supina i dey spell am b4 oh ). I was frightened oh, men i can just be walking on the street and one fan of pretty ricky go come give me one gbosa like the one on lg's blog. Then i thought..ahah this na Femi B..... person wey fit do that to me...dem no born am yet....ahah contrary to what you may think..i am a rough neck..lol ..damn i couldn't even complete that statement without laughing. Whatever, i sabi front well well soo...

Now the annoying thing was the compensation..... infact i am angry at the mugu moves i did . Mrs AdA asked me how much i want to be paid but that it has to be through my office in school. Now in my head i am thinking $30/hr but my boss told me to say $10/hr that the office is doing it for like free..??? (ahah na she dey translate? abi na she know all the funds used for me to learn pidgin) anyway i decided to say $12/hr..bolo/mugu move on my part. Then after i signed the contract, i later found out they pay translators $150/hr. Chei...i wan cry well well. I showed my concern .but wetin i go do...i don open mouth yarn nonsense and Mrs ADA sef soji well well. Well next time...once bitten 2x shy.


I appeared in court and it was the most nerve racking..i thought i was the one on trial. Defense attorney was just firing me with this question that question...i wanted to yell at him..ahaha na me fraud commonwealth of Pennsylvania..abeg free me joo. But pretty ricky just dey squeeze face...dey try locate my face..me i dey dodge the stare down like i dey dodge bullet. After i finished the 45 mins cross examination, I just ran out oh....i was shaking like a wet dog.I was supposed to wait and listen to the rest of the case so i can do proper gbeborun to bloggville but men, anxiety catch me and i just left the court....only to meet pretty ricky's kids in the lobby..my heart bled for them oh...oldest must have been like 8 and there were 3 of them.

I might call Mrs ADA later to fill me in on the gist sha.

THATS IT OH.. FEMI B AS AN EXPERT WITNESS....... I need to go find my own bodyguard now...fineboy agbero..how far? i know you fit do that kind job? my inspirational peeps aloted, oluwadee, rita, simeone..abeg please pray for me oh.

News Update!!!
Mrs ADA just called me now now and said the jury said i was the star witness... . Also the story is going to be published in the local papers tomorrow. click here

In the meantime........

No real post update yet, so i have cheated and uploaded pics of my work. I wanted to do a repost..but i thought that would be cheating 100% . In lieu of my much awaited appearance in court, i would leave this only to take back my blog from the unnamed. Stay tuned for Femi B as an expert witness...Law and order here i come.

CREDIBILITY

I really did not want to write further about this issue, but because of the kind of person i am, and some advice from a fellow blogger/friend..I have decided to. The kind of person i am...i totally believe in credibility..One thing i hate the most is to be mistaken or for someone to tell me i did when i did not. Y'all remember my post about Dapo Lam Adesina? "My ordeal with the ram". Anyway..Mr Dapo Lam found my blog..which i am glad he did. Well, he read the posts and was angry about some comments i had made that i reported things wrongly. Now i would list all the issues and analyze it and let y'all be the judge.


1. Ram issue
He (DLA) was mad because i used the word ram when referring to his dad and that i had insulted his dad.
My blog is for fun, i would not disrespect anyones father..those were the names his father was referred to when he was in office. If i wanted to talk about Obasanjo..i would list..oby, uncle sege,king kong etc...as they were the names he was referred to. However i did apologize if he felt i insulted his dad but stated that i would not change what i had written. (stubborn aint I)

2. Awarding Contracts
DLA was angry that i was spreading false rumor that his dad had awarded him a contract and he handled it badly. Abeg, that was what i heard....and I stated that was what i heard..abi if you did not get any contract... just say you did not..and we'll be the judge of either believing you or not. He decided to swear in the name of God to emphasize that it was a cooked up story.. You be the judge.

3. Rude
DLA had accused me of making blogville think he was rude to me with our conversations. Now i don't know how i can do that when i copied and pasted exactly what the conversations were word for word. I did not think he was being rude and i don't think i conveyed the message of him being rude....please blogville you be the judge

4. False information
This is where I was worried...he said i was giving people false information as to what really transpired on the groups forum and one of his friends made a comment on my blog calling me a liar. I repeat again..how can i distort copy and paste messages. Here is the link on the group ***** theres a lot of comments but you can can go look for yourself and be the judge of that.

There are other minor details but i don't want to get into every minor detail. This post is not to point fingers but only to let y'all be the judge if I Femi B, falsified anything.

Who would you vote for?

I have still been posting comments on the facebook group of "The Rams" son, (Dapo Lam Adesina). Anyway, I realized that anytime i wanted to make a comment on the page, i made sure i changed my profile picture to femiB as you can see above. I really wanted to be taken serious and i did not want any distractions from my message. Anyway i stopped making comments on the page and i changed my profile picture to phemmie bee (as you can see above) then recently i got an email from the group and i decided to make another comment . (yes ..i like to talk too much) I pounded on the keys so much that if forgot to change my profile picture to femi b. Then all of a sudden, i was getting friends request from members of the group. I immediately changed my picture back to femi b. (men.. all these changes are just confusing abi haba) Anyhow, there was a comment on the groups wall, asking why i had changed the phemmiebee pic to femi b even though my head was not showing.

Anyway i am not saying i am not proud of sexy phemmie bee (haba! let me be... at least if no one thinks i am..let me think i am) but the fact of the matter is, i think women are not taken seriously when they are dressed in a certain way and the essential message is lost. Do women always have to dress down to be taken seriously? because we all know there are some women who do not need to wear tight fitting, cleavage showing dresses to still look HOT.

That made me think that if Sarah Palin..who is on the vp ticket with John McCain for the US presidential election in November, wore a tight fitting skirt, low cut dress shirt under her blazer and some "fuck me heels" (yes! that term exists and i learnt that term, jan 2008) at the just concluded debate with Joe biden, would she have been taken seriously? Or if hilarysexy Clinton had worn tight fitting dresses, ( that woman gat some booty and hips) would people just focus on her curves and not her message? Anyone ...male or female wondering where to get a pair of "fuck me heels" holla and i'll hook you up good.

Now flipping the script..what if Barack Obamasexy came out as shown above.(sorry this was the quickest photoshop i could do) would he be taken seriously by his male counterparts or would only the female and the gay voters be distracted?
OR AM I JUST FREAKING PARANOID AND NO ONE REALLY CARES HOW YOU DRESS IF YOU INTEND TO BE A POLITICIAN?


Who would you vote for my people...Phemmie Bee or Femi B?........
I AM FEMI B/PHEMMIE BEE .....AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE!!!!

Biden and all that Jazz

I am so tempted to do a post of my recent encounter with the office of the district attorney in my county, thats why it has been hard to come up with another topic. I would post the details after the trial is over..all i would say is I was.. and is going to be an expert witness he he he...and to others..i might be unpatriotic...hmmmmm...so Law and Order SVU here i come.
Anyhow, i'll just do a quick post about my meeting with Joe Biden. Ok.it all began on a warm summer morning. ...bird's chirping, butterflies frolicking... squirrels and rabbits shagging..ok Let me stop. I actually woke up labor day morning to go to school and do some work, but as i stepped out of my house..i saw news agents vans..SSS...police...multitudes of people on the street. Hmmm my street that only people half way to the grave reside there.It was great to see most of my neighbours for the first time..all with breathing tanks, scooters, walkers and adult diapers perharps? I wondered why there was so many people and then i asked around and they said Joe Biden was in one of the houses holding a function. For all those who might not know who Joe Biden is...he is the Vice President pick for Obama in the Nov 4 U.S presidential elections. Anyway I was excited that i was going to meet a probable vice president of a country. Well, after two hours of roasting in the hot sun, (who send me message) and these ugly SSS people frisking us...(i thought all SSS were cute...wrong) as if na Biden we go bomb? I mean Joe who? Well he finally came out signed autographs and i caught myself waving back at him....i was mad i did that..i always like to keep my cool ...not like it was Obamasexy or Hillarysexy.

The Crotch or The Cleavage

There was this game show I saw on tv of how people were supposed to go through a hole in the wall..Anyway my issue was that everyone wore this metallic silver body suit to play the game. Now, we know that a metallic silver body suit shows all contours and all protrusions and i noticed my eyes kept wandering to the men's crotch area. I was fascinated at the different curves,lines,shapes..generally all elements of design of that groin region. (I am into arts oh) Then i had an AHA moment and realized why most men never pay attention to the face when having a conversation with a female wearing a low cut shirt. I realized that it was very fascinating to see just the different groin area sizes and i realized cleavage also comes in different sizes so maybe thats why they get stared down more.

First of all i am wondering if my weird assumptions are true or are there more reasons to why eyes wander? I would also like to do more research on that area and would love if all men wore metallic silver bodysuits so they know exactly how it feels when people do not pay attention to the face but look at a significant part of the body while in conversation.


Another rant
After my ongoing conversation with the RAM, i decide to put up some statement on my facebook status saying " Why do i have to be a man to sound intelligent" Now i have had it for about a week up, and i've been getting many messages ONLY from guys either agreeing,disagreeing, appologetic, or giving explanations to why that is. I wondered if ALL men actually feel sorry about sexism and gender inequalities. Mind you no female made mention of my status statment...maybe they agreed in silence or disagreed in annoyance..i'll never know.

I really don't like doing blog public service announcement on here but....

Heres a blog y'all should try out...really nice writing style http://osopimping.blogspot.com

My Ordeal with the Ram...lol

I had previously wanted to do a post on witches and all that Jazz but since wellsbaba beat me to it..lol the post flew out of my brain. Actually it was about the prevalence of witches in naija/ Africa (ok when next i say naija..i mean the whole of Africa...does that sound ignorant?) ok ..i repeat the prevalence of witches in naija and the lack there of or lack of fear of them here in the so called western world.

Most naija people fear witches or evil people..in that when people are traveling they don't tell people, when women are pregnant they don't tell... until they show and when they show..they remain in doors. Receiving sprayed money at wedding is wahala...not because of EFCC but because of the fear of an evil spirit prophesying evilness into the money and slamming it on your dancing face. So many superstitions and so many fear of this and that and this ana...
However, in the west ( i would speak for the US since thats where i am based), people are not really afraid of witches...even naija people..they are more open to say when their due date is or the sex of their baby....they'd tell you everything and not worry about witch A or witch B that would eat their babies or fry their ovaries.

SO my question is... are these witches just naija based or the ones here are on a different level..cos frankly i think all them fortune tellers and madames...are witches in some way.

OK i think i did a good job in trying to remember my post sha but i'll add some ranting.....ok i got this facebook invitation to a group called Dapo "Lam" Adesina for House of Rep. for Oyo state..2011. NOW any of you who don't know, Dapo "Lam" Adesina...he is the son of former Governor of Oyo state, Lam Or Lamidi or Ram Adesina....but those were the names he was known by when he was in office. Now i've heard silly stories of this young Dapo Lam guy of how his dad awarded him contracts and he handled it "badly"..thats all i'd say for now. Anyway, i was kinda mad, so i wanted to blast him on this facebook group thing..then i saw how others were blasting him and some praising him also..its a weird group.
Anyway, I decided to be tactful and give him the benefit of the doubt that he might just do some good...but i tried not to bulshit..i'll post our conversation

Femi Bwrote

at 8:08pm on August 31st, 2008

All i'll say is i hope you don't bullshit...I hope your intension's are genuine unless..... there would be repercussions. I would not say your dad was that great of a GOv, cos frankly there have been more useless GOvs in Oyo state, so its hard to compare. Notwithstanding, one cannot punish you for sins your dad may or may not have committed. Its up to you to determine if you'd create a great name for yourself and not hide under daddies agbada. I dont seem to hear too many great stories about you...but I guess thats why you have to prove them wrong. I like your ambition...just dont screw it up...prepare yourself well well and stop with the" que sera sera" nonsense . If someone asks you for a manifesto...prepare a damn manifesto even if we are still in 2008

someone had asked for a manifesto and his answer was que cerra cerra..(what will be will be)...WTF!!

Dapo Lam Adesina wrote
at 4:24pm on September 2nd, 2008

Mr femi beckley thanks for the comments.Taken note of the points.A manifesto on facebook dont u think i wld be a clown.i have heard a lot bout u 2.Is your father Chief bayo beckley?Bodija,ibadan.besides former cottons club?very interesting


Imagine the lad had the audacity to call me a MR. and say he 's heard about me???

Femi B wrote

at 5:32pm on September 3rd, 2008

Mr Dapo "Lam" Adesina frankly i think you should loose the "lam" but hey ..its not my business. Anyway you might not be a clown, but you do crack jokes as I am not a MR. I am 100% all FEMALE. You are correct about your assumptions. however, you dont need to put a detailed manifesto on Fb... All i was saying was if u indeed have good intentions(manifesto/platform) for Oyo state, tell that guy what they are ..vaguely . for instance...nah let me stop ..you never know i might be your opposing candidate for rep...lol

At least he could have stated Oyo states pertinent issues that he is passionate about and given a summary of how he might tackle it..or just list the issues facing oyo state...i mean what exactly makes you want to represent Oyo state in Abuja???

Dapo Lam Adesina wrote
at 5:05am yesterday

femi i am very sorry i reffered to u as masculine.Hope my apologies are accepted?I really do appreciate ur comments.i wont mind having you as my opponent,sure it wld be a smooth ride 4 me....lol.watch out when the time comes for the real manifesto and not some child play on fb.i can assure u i av very pure intentions and the Lam thing i cant cos i am proud of it.The questions i am sure ur pop knows a lot bout my fathers achievement cos he was a local government chairman when my pop was n govt.Hope that answers.thank u so much,u are appreciated


In ma mind.,.apology accepted..but wetin concern my dad.. with the price of fish in Onitsha ? and saying I'd be a smooth ride...now i indeed wanted to bring out my viscious feminist side and eat him alive....but then again i thought that i'll only unleash the feminist bitch in me when it is absolutely necessary...i dont want people thinking I am those feminists that burn bras and dont shave their armpits and legs.....and i still strongly believe in chivalry...lol
Anyway i also want to give him the benefit of the doubt that the reason he said it would be a smooth race for him if i ran against him ..would not be because I am FEMALE........

Imagine other people replying me and saying oh I have guts for a woman....are u saying women dont have guts? Anyway I just thought i'd share...Funny enough when i told my father about the posts...he said he was proud of me probably cos i have shown interest in politics unlike my siblings.

***I wrote this post while attending online church...witches May fire continue to consume you amen*****

Yoruba Novelty Card draft

My first try at making a Yoruba novelty card.
Front card- Olomi jojolo (my little darling)
Inside card- Je kin fi owo ba e je (Let me use money to spoil you)





Click image to enlarge

Camping Trip

Last weekend i went camping with my house mates. I have never gone camping before (the real one) and i suddenly developed an interest when GNG had blogged about it.

I headed of to Maunch chunk lake in Pennsylvania, an hour and a half drive away from me. It was really a drive through the woods. At several times i got so scared because i was the only one on a narrow road with trees high as the sky for about 15 mins. I mean ...you could barely even see they sky. Anyway i got there and i had missed the rock climbing, hiking and bike riding experience..i was a little bombed about that, but then again, when i tried to picture my self trying to lift my behind on a rocky mountain...i laugh and thank God i missed it.

We got to the camp site and sat around the fire eating steak, boiled clams and playing music. I had the drums to beat on (i guess i was the only black person there, so i had to show my rhythmic skills). After, we played some weird game called slack line. Its where you tie a rope to two trees and try to steadily walk on the rope without falling. Chei!, i tried it oh , but as i put one leg on it..my whole body was just giggling..like i was dancing shina peters. After 5 trys, I gave up so as not to embarrass my dear self. We ended the night and went to sleep and it was the most uncomfortable sleep I've slept in a while. I did however wake up with a toad in my tent hopping away. I wonder if it was supposed to be my prince charming.....now i will never find out oh, cos it did not wait for me to kiss it...stupid frog.

I did have a very calming time away from civilization, but i couldn't help but think what a different experience i would have had if i had gone with my Naija crew...men we would have had some serious fun. First of all the food would have been slamming, i mean i can bet my life that someone would have cooked at least jollof rice. (you hear cook outs and BBQ's and some how...J-rice just has to find its way in)

I also know we would have had some stimulating argument on naija politics or Obama or We would have done our own Karaoke to Yahooze or Gongo aso.

Anyway I owe this experience to Good naija girl , cos she got me thinking about the whole camping thing. Maybe someday we would get to camp in Canadarrrr ..lol( i have a friend who says canadar with the rolling R and Eforr too...weird)

What would you be remembered for?

I think about what my purpose is for this life. I do want to be remembered for something and leave my mark on this earth. Then i wonder how all these great people left their names even those that are still living.. Their names are synonyms for some kind of achievement...good or bad
Like when someone says "men...that chic is a Margret thatcher"(first female prime minister of England) everyone knows you can't mess with that chic cos she is fire. Here are a list of names and their synonyms,

Ben Johnson - running fast outta there (100m olympic runner)
Mother Theresa- Charitable (a nun that was charitable)
Cliford Orji - Human eater (a lagosian that ate other lagosians)
MJ Michael Jackson- Rocker/ Dancer
Dangote Rich man (Nigerians billionaire)
Bill gates Wealthy man (Microsoft)
Warren Buffet Very wealthy man (richest man in the world)
Domitila Ashewo (nigerian movie about a prostitute)
Hitler - wicked person (Adolf hitler, creator of the holocaust)
Martha Stewart- Jack of all trades ..but recently..jail bird
Denzel - One very fine bobo (Hollywood actor)
Osama- hmm i'll leave that one for your imagination...i've already gotten SSS come look for my humble self before..long story
MufunMula Olowo tin fowo shanu... (Rich man that gives charity) (this one is strictly for Ibadan folks) don't know his full name

I can't think of any other right now. The point is that i would like my name to be synonymous for something great... even the likes of Micheal Phelps and Usani Bolt are already working towards that as a pool beast and a track beast .

Me, Femi B would like to be synonymous for A CHARITABLE WOMAN WHO WAS THE FIRST FEMALE PRESIDENT OF NAIJA AND RETIRED TO BEING AN ONILU( BAND SINGER) AND A COMICAL ENTERTAINER

Anyway that just too long as a synonym but i would like to be known for my contributions to oppressed people.

What would your name be synonymous for?

i want to make a sentence using the names above........

Men, my heartbeat is racing like Ben Johnson, because my wife caught me with some Domitila looking girl. Its not my fault that the women love me, it cos of my Denzel looks and my Bill gates wallet. If she is not careful i would just Osama my way outta this marriage......

Wanna try....N20.00 to anyone who succesfully used Femi b...lol

Vote for sasha for best female video HERE

Naija Style Love letters II (Pidgin)

After much searching for material from my brain of my limited pidgin resources, I have finally finished my love letter in pidgin. I think i prefer the Yoruba one or what do you think? Yoruba has away of making things sound heavy. Please fluent pidgin people...i tried oh but i have some kind of handicap....So this is my disclaimer...lol So Solomonsydelle feel free to use it oh.

Bonaventure my bobo, I dey hail u oh….una well done . U too fine pass all the bobo wey full ground.

The kain tin wey dey do me na say, na soso anytime wey my eyes dey connect with una, na so my heart go dey do marathon.

If I take my eye look anoda bobo, walahi…e no go beta for dat kain eye.

Sugarpie, I gbadun you pass my mama (insert your own food)

If you no gree for me, I go take my head knack for ground

Honeypie, All the pikin wey I for born……na only u I wan born am for.

Anytime wey I dey by ur side, I know sey,,, better go dey for okra soup

Bonnypie, Abeg this love wey I get for you pass love wey pass all.

Forever and ever titi lailai na me only go be for you and na you go be for me

Na me oh
Lovette (your boo boo)

GREEN NAIJA GREEN.........NAIJA BORN GREEN

I am in the design/architecture industry and we are bombarded everyday on how to be GREEN. Green design, Green design Green Design. So since i am still compiling material for the continuation of Naija style love letters in pidgin, i thought i'd share this.

I just completed one of Algore's book(the inconvenient Truth) about how we are damaging this planet, i began to think of ways to BE GREEN. Then i realized that many of my naija friends including some other African friends and I were kinda born GREEN.

So when i see my friends in school try to be GREEN by buying recycled "finished"products, earth friendly products,....(i just saw these Green dresses on Project Runway last night.) That reminds me.... my teacher also showed me a carpet that could be eaten.....hmmm an edible carpet..Anyway back to my point, i think these people who go out of their way to buy recycled goods which are most likely more expensive are doing a good job at least for a start. But the fact is that most of these products that are so called GREEN still go thru a manufacturing process that probably still causes global warming.

Then i think about ways I was GREEN in naija without even knowing it and it did not cost me a dime. So i complied a list of things my friends, family did, and things i saw, heard that are 100% GREEN and don't cost anything...even they are economical....heres the list...grosse or not..they helped save this planet in some way


1. Torn pieces of a sack of rice used as a sponge for washing dishes
2. Old chair foam torn and also used as sponge for washing dishes
3. old ice-cream tubs as topper ware/fridge storage.
4. old coffee jars as condiment canisters like pepper and salt
5. old clothes as rags/mops (not sure if a good idea)
6. Rain water for dirty jobs (not sure if a good idea either)
7. Newspapers as wrapping paper.....especially for the "passing the parcel"
8. Newspaper for suya(beef kebab) boli(roasted plantains), roasted corn, peanuts..etc
9. offering bags instead of offering envelops. (common now lets save the trees)

I could go on and on with more ridiculous methods of "being GREEN", but the question is...were we concerned about recycling or was it just a way of economizing or just plain poverty? What were other ways you guys recycled without even knowing it?

Naija style Love letters part 1

Some years back, a friend and I used to write mockery love letters in Yoruba, pidgin and all sorts. They were strictly for fun so I decided to try my hands out again on a Yoruba love letter and see if I've improved on my "D7 WAEC" Yoruba (i know i failed oh, I was so useless). Anyway here is my rendition of a love letter written by a Guy to his beloved...Adufe. I'll add a translation for obvious reasons. Here it goes...

WARNING!: Ami (accents )might just not be correct but bear with me

Adùfẹ...... owunmi lobìrin, oréké lé wà ọmọgé...mo nífé rè tori torùn, tèsè táyá, tojú, tẹ́nu
Odùn lobìrin lá tokè dé ìsàlè. Tim bá tin ri ẹ áyá mi á ma ṣẹ gbìgbìgbì
Ọlọmọgé Ẹlẹjè tutu
Larìn awọ̀n ọmọ obìrin tí o wa layẹ yìí, iwo ni ọkàn mi yàn
To bá kọ̀ látì fẹ́ mi, mo má pá rá mi si ẹ lórùn
Wá ṣe temi..emi náà fẹ́ ṣe tí ẹ
Awọ̀n sisi pọ ni gbóró tí mo fí yan ẹ
odùn jú gbógbó cranberry juice layẹ yìí ati ọrún....

Adùfẹ baby mi... jọ́wọ̀ dákun ṣe temi.....babi yii jóò
mo fí ásíkọ yìí ṣélérí fún ẹ wípé nígbò jò, nígborùn, bí ìlẹ́ bán jó, bólẹ̀ bán já, tí ẹ ní mó má ṣé lojokojo

Ti ẹ ni tóòtọ
Ọkọ Adùfẹ

English
Adufe...a woman of my choice, beautiful young damsel. I love you from head to toe
Sweet lady from top to bottom. Whenever I set my eyes on you....my heart beats fast
Cool calm and collected beautiful damsel
Of all the women in the world, you are my hearts choice
If you fail to be with me, I can kill myself
Be mine, I want to be yours
There are many women in the world but i picked you
You are the sweetest juice ever
Baby please, be mine, please now,
I want to use this time to let you know that in all weather conditions and disasters, I'll be yours at all time


Truly Yours
Adufe's Boo

Thanks to everyone who helped in giving me a line or two charizard, Wellsbaba
stolen or original, used or not used..thanks. And to the guys that might wanna steal this and use for their babes........ feel free....lol. I'd like to do a pidgin one too..but hmmm...so if you have such lines please share. I am pidgin challenged sometimes. I'll quote you MLA style..thanks