My Random Thoughts and Experiences

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Toilet seat up or down...Who wins

People...Don't you think life would be better if Men used toilet paper to dab/wipe like females do??? (during number 1)

I mean, I grew up in a house with all kinds of females and we never had the issue of toilet seat up or pee stain drama. There was no guy in the house who left the toilet seat up unless we had some non-conforming male guest. Even my dad had to go with the flow, I mean living with that many women, you better soji yourself.

Moving around and living in various places, the issue of toilet seat being up is such a big deal to me. I guess no one, male or female, wants to touch the seat to put it in the position they want.

So my intelligent advice to all MEN, so our bathroom lives would be better. Instead of flicking, shaking, tossing, jumping, wiggling, rotating or whatever y'all do to get that last drop out.....why not tear out some toilet paper and dab like we females do. You won't have to lift the toilet seat or cause some poor girl to fall in the toilet bowl. Just my little advise. I really don't think it takes away the "man" in you if you'd dab or wipe, I mean its more hygienic and you feel more dry and clean.

So my People again...Don't you think life would be better if Men used toilet paper to dab/wipe like females do??? (during number 1)

Lil Child humor

Long time ago at my church in Nigeria, I saw these to children (a boy and a girl) they probably were about 3 or 4 years old. Now they wanted to go pee and their Sunday school teacher told them to go outside and pee in the gutter...( yeah my church can be razz) So these kids go out to the gutter... the boy stands to pee while the girl hikes her balloon dress and squats to pee. Now the look on the boys face was absolutely shocking as he stares at the girl wondering... then he yell's " WHY ARE YOU WEWEING FROM YOUR BUMBUM" I mean the little boy could just not farthom why she did not stand and aim like he did. Ignorance is bliss!!!

Friday, February 20, 2009

Chivalry with Vex Money

As much of a feminist I like to proclaim, I still somewhat love some types of chivalry to its fullest (Hypocrite you might say), Anyway, I remembered growing up in Nigeria and not having to pay for anything at most outings with male friends. You only carry your "vex money" and you're good to go.

For all who don't know what vex money is... Vex money is the money you take with you just incase you decide to vex for the guy and leave him , or the guy vexes for you and he leaves you ...either way someone is vexed and there are still bills to pay or a cab ride home.

Now, I came to this so called "diaspora" lol.. that just sounds funny ...OK i came to America, and all that chivalnonsense pora bi iso ( disappeared like a fart).

My first dilemma was while in Minnesota, a couple of my male African friends had asked me to come with them to a Chinese restaurant to go eat. I said ok, and since I was going with about 4 guys, i felt there was no need for me to take vex money, even if i needed it, I did not have any money. So I went with them and when we entered the Chinese buffet (its the ones you pay first before you eat) and everyone began to do "OYO" (on your own). Chei!!! i just decided to pose and say " you know, i don't really like Chinese food and I don't want to eat here" ( you know Chinese food is too greasy and blah blah blah) . All i know is after that day, I vowed to never leave my house without some type of vex money/card and I thought to my self ...this can never happen to me in naija oh, me go out with a bunch of guys and I'll still be paying....NEVER

Anyway I have always had the school of thought not to be the only one on the receiving end all the time, at least if some dude pays 60% of the time, its my duty to match up with the remaining 40%. That's my policy and I'm sticking to it. However I have found out that this 60% -40% split only works for naija guys in the diaspora and hardly ever works for naija guys in naija. (or maybe only guys i know)

If i do like someone, I'll probably suggest to pay after about 4 dates or Anyway during my naija trip, I hung out with a couple of old male friends i had. Every time we went out, they paid and paid and paid, so after a while, I began to kinda feel like a burden..(i don't know why) but i felt the next time we went out, i'll do the paying. Now when i went ahead and did this stunt as they called it, I was heavily chastised for it and they felt that I was
1. Either trying to flaunt my money ( they totally misunderstood my broke self)
2. I was angry at them and felt i needed to insult them by paying
3. Or America has screwed with my brains

Now my people, KI NI BIG DEAL?? (WHAT THE HELL IS THE BIG DEAL?) After all, i was just trying to play my own part and besides, these are the same guys that complain about "hungry girls" always trying to suck a man dry. I mean I was a little offended that my lil gesture was ridiculed and totally misconstrued.

Another thing I've noticed is when I was in naija and you invite people to your party, as a host and are in charge of feeding and taking care of your guests. However in the , that is not really the case. You either pay for your dinner or pay to drink alcohol...yeah some Brazilian dude threw this birthday bash some 2 weeks ago and decided to collect $10 from his guests before they entered the party.

My people abi... What is all this??? Am I alone here in my thoughts?

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

My First Tag

Hi y'all, Hope everyone had a wonderful "v" day and presidents day too. My weekend was a weekend missing naija food. ( all i'll say is I'll never ever use frozen spinach for efo riro again...)


OK i think i so broke all rules because i sometimes like to be a non-conformist.


Q & A.

where is your cell phone? on the bed besides me

where is your significant other? on his way

your hair color? Black

your mother? Amazing

your father? Great temperament

your favorite thing? Art, Internet, colored pens

your dream last night? being pampered by my mother (weird i remember)

your dream/goal? Success from making a positive impact

the room you're in? bedroom

your hobby? listening to music while doing art and dancing in front of the mirror

where do you want to be in 6 years? naked on a beach in Taiwan...kidding I'd love to be in Kyoto

where were you last night? At a friends room

what you're not? a girly girl

one of your wish list items? a pent house glass studio overlooking an amazing view

where you grew up? Ibadan

the last thing you did? talking to my parents while taking a

what are you wearing? sweatshirt and underwear

your tv? on

your pet? my art works

your computer? Toshiba

your mood? Relieved

missing someone? yeah a bunch

your car? Toyota Celica

something you're not wearing? Bra

favorite store? Walmart ( where else in the world would you be able to get an oil change, pedicure, buy chicken, hammer and nails at 3 am in the morning)

your summer? Enlightening, learnt more about myself..looking forward to this summer....more things to discover

love someone? Yeah ..before... i think

your favorite color?Green

when is the last time you laughed? 3o mins ago

last time you cried? 2009, when leaving my dad

are you a b*tch? Hell no

favorite past time? being 21, nah dancing in front of the mirror semi nude with heels

are you a hater or a lover? Lover..

are you genuine or fake? Genuine

any vices? plenty

pro life or wire hanger? Life

mccain or obama? Obama

pro plastic or natural? Natural

dream job? President of Nigeria/ Onilu ( band singer)

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Random Love Post and a naija love letter

Hey y'all its the season of love again and i felt i needed a post for the period so bear with me ...this would be my most random post ever.

True Love
Over the xmas break when my Dad was critically ill, I looked at all the roles my mum played and I said to myself..."men I have to really love my husband to do all this shit for him" I mean after 34 years...someone should have over pissed someone off to the extent of not caring about the well being of the other...for instance .. A man who's married to a wonderful wife but maltreats his wife in anyway possible by cheating, beating... all manner of abuse and does not provide for the wife, then 30 years later, the man falls critically ill, men I trust myself...well i wont blame the woman for overdosing him with some painkillers, mixing cyanide with his coffee or flat out stepping on the oxygen tube ( I joke oh). I mean she would be very much justified....I don't condone murder or but self defence is ok. So guys treat your ladies well, cos she'll be there for you when you need her the most. (you know men die well before their wives....just a thought.)

Random Love
Today i was chatting with a friend and he said " how is your vday"? the next thing that came to mind was " do you mean how is my Vagina day"? (i really don't know how that popped into my mind) Then i thought..hmmmm what if there's actually a vagina appreciation day... I wonder how that day would be celebrated. I recommend gifts for every functioning vagina....I wonder what type of gifts though.....

Exercise Love
Ok I've been attending this Yogalates (Yoga and Pilates) class for about 2 years now. I have been somewhat faithful to it (its once a week) and i've seen some improvements in my flexibility. Anyway last year the week of valentines day, the instructor introduced some new moves that required some serious pelvic/groin region manipulations. I mean she had us in some gravity defying positions ...concentrating on flexing and stretching the pelvic region. This was the first time she had introduced these new moves and I wondered if it was a coincidence or she was preparing peoples pelvic region for new and exciting positions.( hey hey it was a thought then) But now I am convinced she is preparing her students for vals day!!! she introduced the same positions today and i felt my ass was going to tear...(sorry for being too explicit but i have to really explain my agony) I guess she only introduces these pelvic moves on the week of vals day for a genuine reason.

Letters of Love
I got this email from a polish girl with a Nigerian boyfriend, she saw my naija love letters and wanted to use them. I was happy ..hey if they can create more love..more grease to the letters, so i decided to unleash another one in yoruba. OK i kinda had these few lines a while ago..actually an ex gave them to me .(not in a romantic way oh) he helped me compose them a goes

I wont be putting any accents cos matter how hard i try..they'd still be wrong so why bother... This would be for a girl from her guy..i guess lets call her Suliat from Ayetoro

Suliat Kan,
Mo feran re bi oyinbo tin feran ciga
Iwo ni olori oko mi
Kaka kin fi e si ya bomi lo
mo fe ki o mo pe mo wa leyin ree bii ifo
Dakun fenu kun mi lenu , pemiloruko kosi fami ni irugbon

cash ya larer

Oko afesan re....James

The one and only Suliat
I love you as the white man loves cigarettes
I am all yours
I'll die if I ever leave you
I want you to know that I am 100% behind you like _______ (ok i can't remember what that word means..someone pls help me out)
French Kiss me pls, call my name and pls pull my beard

Catch You Later
Your Fiance......Mr James

Random Question
Ok I was about to enter the elevator from the basement level going to the second floor. I was waiting for the elevator to arrive, when one teacher walked up to me and says "oh let me be lazy and keep you company"
SO my people..was he calling me LAZY for taking the elevator???? I mean i was going 2 flights now!!! Why would be be bringing his wahala and join

Sunday, February 8, 2009

More Stories and all that jazz

Wow, this my trip to naija has made me begin to get blogging laziness...anyway I'm never a quitter so we would see how that pans out. Now speaking of "PAN" heard a new word this week and I felt i needed to share. Anyone heard of a "Pan- Sexual"..yeah thats the new word I learned oh. anyway a Pan sexual is a person who is attracted to all forms of the "sexuals" in other words such a person would do a transvestite, transsexual, transgendered, bisexual, homosexual, metrosexual, hermaphrodite, heterosexual and lots (Don't ask me how I know......someone who works in my office is one.)

One day while in Lagos, I went to pick up something from my brother-in-law on the island. Anyway, the driver and I were stuck in traffic and on getting to a zebra crossing, the driver slowed down to allow pedestrians cross the road. Now these pedestrians had gotten half way when some car drove passed (not stopping ) and almost ran them over. Seeing a perfect opportunity to yell at these useless lagos drivers since we were still stuck in traffic and the guy was in a questionable convertible. I said questionable cos looked quite weird and i mean weird in a horrible way. Anyway I rolled the window down and tried yelling at the guy

Femi B: didn't you see the zebra crossing...
QCCD (Questionable Convertible Car Driver): looking back not hearing me Excuse me..what?
Femi B: I said you just passed the zebra crossing almost...
QCCD: Hello ( probably thinking i was trying to holla at him) I can't hear you
QCCD: Huh? whats that?
Femi B: I said pay attention to the zebra crossing, you almost ran those people over ..
QCCD: (looks back and changes his accent to one conk igbo trader accent) Na.. na... your papa get am?
Femi B: in anger ...OLOSHI ( stupid fool) yes now na my papa draw those lines..stupid fool

Its just funny how many people don't pay attention to road signs and all. another time i went to visit my sister at her office. Now she had been telling me to dress properly and all..(I guess she wanted to show me off, pimp me or her own weird trick to get me to kack up). Now i decided to wear a nice dress and some killer heels. Killer in the sense that men they killed me that day.

Anyway the driver decides to miss the way and drops me like 5 million blocks away from where I was going and silly me got down thinking ..yeah i can do this feet won't kill me too much. Anyway by the time i got to the building about to cross the street ..I thought my feet were going to give way and i was going to die from the excruciating pains caused by the silly man who invented heels.(Im sure it was definitely a guy who invented heels,thongs, push up bras..anything that would make females a living hell)..
Ok I am standing by the zebra crossing waiting to cross the street and no one would slow down for me...i thought..haba I am almost dying... these shoes are going to make me commit suicide ..cos the next thing i did was just cross the street and not care if i was hit. At least if I was hit...the feet pains would go away. I also was not going to run across..hell no in those killer shoes ..tufiaka.
Well as I entered the street, cars began to slow down but those okada bastards.... men they were still coming in full force..but I was not bulging...I go catwalk on this zebra crossing...cos I no fit run. Anyway Okada man then begins to yell at me ..."
you better comot that thing for your leg" men no one in Lagos is patient.