Happy Birthday Mama Beckley

Today is my mums birthday ..and I wish I could be there with her to celebrate it. I have not been with her on her birthday since i moved to America some 6-7 years ago, and i hate that fact. So mummy, heres what I am thinking...............

AS the years passes, I realize that although we have millions of talks and conversations, I have never taken the time and opportunity to thank you for all you have done for me and tell you just how much you mean to me and how much I value our relationship.

As I get older and grow from your little girl, to Femi B... It is you that I must thank for the values and character that have allowed me to achieve the successes and crazy endeavors that I have. I thank you for realizing the importance and value of your encouragement and criticism; they molded my drive , shaped my ambition and toughened my skin. These words taught me to believe in myself and reach for the sky.

It is comforting to know that i have the assurance of your support in ALL my endeavors as well as the benefit of your opinion in all matters concerning my best interest and my idiosyncrasies. I am blessed to have you

You are my Shero and when i grow up..I want to be like you and I see I am slowly becoming your unique self. I love you mummy and I am lucky to have the best mother in the world.

Baba Beckley don't be jealous oh...you know we see now....

Femi B the expert Witness

Finally i am able to share this wonderful experience to y'all. It has been biting me so much, that i have not been able to come up with berra berra posts. so let me explain what this is about

name: Femi B
Job: Expert witness/consultant
Job description: Translating pidgin English to English for the district attorneys office

Ma people..na so i see am oh. I got to work one day and my boss told me that she got a call from the district attorneys office asking if they had any Nigerian individuals in the school that would be willing to translate a Nigerian language. Well, me i said i would do it...you don't know whether one day you might need a favor from the county, so i decided to help out. (u know.. maybe if i do well they fit dash me blue pali..lol)

A couple of days later, I went to the district attorneys office and was introduced to the case and was told what i had to do. A Nigerian individual, i'll call him Pretty Ricky to keep his identity before them wooze me slap. Anyway Pretty ricky had been arrested for some kind of bank fraud (419, yahoo yahoo, forwarding and backwarding..anything u wan call am). Well Pretty ricky was in jail and had been making phone calls from jail and speaking to individuals in pidgin English about the case.

Now as an expert witness, my job was to listen to the phone conversations, transcribe and translate. This was not an easy job as...pretty ricky is from the south eastern part of Nigeria ,meaning he is faster in his pidgin and to make matters worse, he was a stammerer. Anyway i was told i'd be compensated for time spent..so extra money to listen to pidgin....i told the lady "norrin norrin, i go do am'

During all these translating sessions..i kept wondering if i was a sell out Nigerian..helping all these oyinbo people convict my naija bro, especially when i heard him speak with his children who are very very young. Then i thought to myself..these are the people who are spoiling the Nigerian name...that is why anytime i say i am Nigerian, they check my documents 5million times..thats why there are too many hassles at embassies , point of entries, closing business deals and being introduced to your non-Nigerian friends parents. I am sure my naija people in the diaspora know what i mean. It aint easy to be a Nigerian in the international community.

Now the bombshell came when Mrs ADA said i had to testify in court and be infront of pretty ricky and well wishers..them even dash me subpoena (na supina i dey spell am b4 oh ). I was frightened oh, men i can just be walking on the street and one fan of pretty ricky go come give me one gbosa like the one on lg's blog. Then i thought..ahah this na Femi B..... person wey fit do that to me...dem no born am yet....ahah contrary to what you may think..i am a rough neck..lol ..damn i couldn't even complete that statement without laughing. Whatever, i sabi front well well soo...

Now the annoying thing was the compensation..... infact i am angry at the mugu moves i did . Mrs AdA asked me how much i want to be paid but that it has to be through my office in school. Now in my head i am thinking $30/hr but my boss told me to say $10/hr that the office is doing it for like free..??? (ahah na she dey translate? abi na she know all the funds used for me to learn pidgin) anyway i decided to say $12/hr..bolo/mugu move on my part. Then after i signed the contract, i later found out they pay translators $150/hr. Chei...i wan cry well well. I showed my concern .but wetin i go do...i don open mouth yarn nonsense and Mrs ADA sef soji well well. Well next time...once bitten 2x shy.


I appeared in court and it was the most nerve racking..i thought i was the one on trial. Defense attorney was just firing me with this question that question...i wanted to yell at him..ahaha na me fraud commonwealth of Pennsylvania..abeg free me joo. But pretty ricky just dey squeeze face...dey try locate my face..me i dey dodge the stare down like i dey dodge bullet. After i finished the 45 mins cross examination, I just ran out oh....i was shaking like a wet dog.I was supposed to wait and listen to the rest of the case so i can do proper gbeborun to bloggville but men, anxiety catch me and i just left the court....only to meet pretty ricky's kids in the lobby..my heart bled for them oh...oldest must have been like 8 and there were 3 of them.

I might call Mrs ADA later to fill me in on the gist sha.

THATS IT OH.. FEMI B AS AN EXPERT WITNESS....... I need to go find my own bodyguard now...fineboy agbero..how far? i know you fit do that kind job? my inspirational peeps aloted, oluwadee, rita, simeone..abeg please pray for me oh.

News Update!!!
Mrs ADA just called me now now and said the jury said i was the star witness... . Also the story is going to be published in the local papers tomorrow. click here

In the meantime........

No real post update yet, so i have cheated and uploaded pics of my work. I wanted to do a repost..but i thought that would be cheating 100% . In lieu of my much awaited appearance in court, i would leave this only to take back my blog from the unnamed. Stay tuned for Femi B as an expert witness...Law and order here i come.

CREDIBILITY

I really did not want to write further about this issue, but because of the kind of person i am, and some advice from a fellow blogger/friend..I have decided to. The kind of person i am...i totally believe in credibility..One thing i hate the most is to be mistaken or for someone to tell me i did when i did not. Y'all remember my post about Dapo Lam Adesina? "My ordeal with the ram". Anyway..Mr Dapo Lam found my blog..which i am glad he did. Well, he read the posts and was angry about some comments i had made that i reported things wrongly. Now i would list all the issues and analyze it and let y'all be the judge.


1. Ram issue
He (DLA) was mad because i used the word ram when referring to his dad and that i had insulted his dad.
My blog is for fun, i would not disrespect anyones father..those were the names his father was referred to when he was in office. If i wanted to talk about Obasanjo..i would list..oby, uncle sege,king kong etc...as they were the names he was referred to. However i did apologize if he felt i insulted his dad but stated that i would not change what i had written. (stubborn aint I)

2. Awarding Contracts
DLA was angry that i was spreading false rumor that his dad had awarded him a contract and he handled it badly. Abeg, that was what i heard....and I stated that was what i heard..abi if you did not get any contract... just say you did not..and we'll be the judge of either believing you or not. He decided to swear in the name of God to emphasize that it was a cooked up story.. You be the judge.

3. Rude
DLA had accused me of making blogville think he was rude to me with our conversations. Now i don't know how i can do that when i copied and pasted exactly what the conversations were word for word. I did not think he was being rude and i don't think i conveyed the message of him being rude....please blogville you be the judge

4. False information
This is where I was worried...he said i was giving people false information as to what really transpired on the groups forum and one of his friends made a comment on my blog calling me a liar. I repeat again..how can i distort copy and paste messages. Here is the link on the group ***** theres a lot of comments but you can can go look for yourself and be the judge of that.

There are other minor details but i don't want to get into every minor detail. This post is not to point fingers but only to let y'all be the judge if I Femi B, falsified anything.

Who would you vote for?

I have still been posting comments on the facebook group of "The Rams" son, (Dapo Lam Adesina). Anyway, I realized that anytime i wanted to make a comment on the page, i made sure i changed my profile picture to femiB as you can see above. I really wanted to be taken serious and i did not want any distractions from my message. Anyway i stopped making comments on the page and i changed my profile picture to phemmie bee (as you can see above) then recently i got an email from the group and i decided to make another comment . (yes ..i like to talk too much) I pounded on the keys so much that if forgot to change my profile picture to femi b. Then all of a sudden, i was getting friends request from members of the group. I immediately changed my picture back to femi b. (men.. all these changes are just confusing abi haba) Anyhow, there was a comment on the groups wall, asking why i had changed the phemmiebee pic to femi b even though my head was not showing.

Anyway i am not saying i am not proud of sexy phemmie bee (haba! let me be... at least if no one thinks i am..let me think i am) but the fact of the matter is, i think women are not taken seriously when they are dressed in a certain way and the essential message is lost. Do women always have to dress down to be taken seriously? because we all know there are some women who do not need to wear tight fitting, cleavage showing dresses to still look HOT.

That made me think that if Sarah Palin..who is on the vp ticket with John McCain for the US presidential election in November, wore a tight fitting skirt, low cut dress shirt under her blazer and some "fuck me heels" (yes! that term exists and i learnt that term, jan 2008) at the just concluded debate with Joe biden, would she have been taken seriously? Or if hilarysexy Clinton had worn tight fitting dresses, ( that woman gat some booty and hips) would people just focus on her curves and not her message? Anyone ...male or female wondering where to get a pair of "fuck me heels" holla and i'll hook you up good.

Now flipping the script..what if Barack Obamasexy came out as shown above.(sorry this was the quickest photoshop i could do) would he be taken seriously by his male counterparts or would only the female and the gay voters be distracted?
OR AM I JUST FREAKING PARANOID AND NO ONE REALLY CARES HOW YOU DRESS IF YOU INTEND TO BE A POLITICIAN?


Who would you vote for my people...Phemmie Bee or Femi B?........
I AM FEMI B/PHEMMIE BEE .....AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE!!!!