Words that make me cringe

Men, I have been MIA for a while. I am writing this thesis of mine, that if I put the topic up here, y'all think it was the most boring amalgamation of words ever... but i am actually having fun with it. I am so busy with it and my adviser is also being a pain in the .... Anyway, I have noticed that when talking or writing there are some words that make me cringe, blush, or get angry when I hear them. I try not to use such words and find substitutes for them. Below is a list of the words I don’t like to use or hear

Breasts – I hate that word, I’d only use it when I say chicken breast. I rather boobs, tits, teetes, bresconyan, chestices, breastices, manchesty etc

Ladies – oh my! I don’t like all that formality, it’s like someone calling me a beautiful damsel. I rather, females, girl, chic, babe, omoge, sisi,

Courtship – eww, like we are in the 13^th century in the days of Constantine IV. I mean whats wrong with the words dating, relationship, shag buddies, etc

Handset/ GSM – these are usually for my naija people. I mean what’s wrong with calling it what it is, errr.. a cell phone, mobile phone or just plane phone.

Menstrual Cycle/ Menses – just say period or aunty flo, and why the hell does it have to start with MEN.. I bet some guy coined the word to crack an insensitive joke…lol..damn females can never have their way

Deflowered (as related to virgins) – What the hell? I wonder who first considered their hymen to be a flower….well one might think the name or place sounds or looks flowery…

Machine- This is also for my naija folks, it’s a scooter or a bike etc..

Male Nurse- if theres a male nurse can we say female nurse too? ok im being too picky but hey…

Then the regular swear words like Fuck, bitch,Cunt, Nigger/nigga/niggies/nigress/niggaz, pussy, (well only if I have to describe my newly learned dance called pussy popping….its very PG13 oh)

So what are those words y’all just hate to hear or you would rather die than use the word?

PS....*Private thought*: where in the hell do all the farts go? Do they evaporate, mix with the air, mix with other farts and make fart babies (damn that would be some serious smell) or just travel to the ocean, heaven or hemisphere?

Private thoughts and Private dancing

Private thoughts

Yesterday I was doing some weird thinking and I laughed out and thanked God for private thoughts. I thought that was the best thing ever. Imagine if people could hear our thoughts...im sure most of us would be in jail. Me i know i'll be in jail for..................

So i decided to write on my facebook status...femi B is thankful for private thoughts...ha you should have seen some comments, chat messages and all i got. I don't know how private thought= dirty thoughts. I mean i could have been thankful for having a mind conversation with God or thinking about how i'd dance when i collect my chieftancy title for iyalode ajagun rocker of ......land or thoughts of my swearing in as Naijas first female president. There are so many great thoughts that could be private. Why do private thoughts have to be dirty, foul or naughty? I mean even my sister told me to go wash my head with omo detergent. Like omo can wash this mind of mine. hhmmmm that could be a great commercial..." Omo.. super blue omo..... the detergent powerful enough to wash femi B's mind"


Private dancing
I saw a comment made by afrobabe on exschoolnerd's blog suggesting she take my usual advice about dancing naked infront of the mirror with heels. I mean it's really therapeutic and im thinking about going to bottle it up and patent it so i can make money.....hmm maybe i'll make a "how to video"..lol. Anyway that got me into one of my private thoughts and wondered if guys too would benefit from the naked dancing. Well i guess if they are brave enough they might wear heels too for great posture. So Male bloggers since the naijablogger awards have used affirmative action to make y'all win some awards and putting you on blast, i'll like to take this opportunity to do a lil research on my above patent. Do you guys think it'll be therapeutic for you and what else might you suggest besides the opposite sex joining in? Just my question for you guys and women who might think they know what guys want.


When this "how to video" becomes a hit..lol this is lil AHA moment story I would tell as most fellow entrepreneurs do.

True story-I had music playing one night and decided to dance. This time I was with full clothes on and as i continued dancing in front of the mirror, i decided to put on my heels for better posture. You know those heels can give you that "drop down and get your eagle on stance". well after a couple of mins of rigorous dancing, i began to sweat profusely, so i decided to take the clothes off and Voila !!! my AHA moment. It was a total exhilarating and therapeutic experience. I also noticed I had nice legs. Hey let me compliment myself haba.

Moving back and forth

I've been thinking of moving back to Nigeria for a while now but at times, i get excited about the thought and other times, I get scared so i decided to weigh my silly options here. I'll be adding from time to time. Sometimes its the silliest things that really matter.


Reasons for moving back to Naija
1. tired of North America.... most aspects ...weather, food, taxes etc
2. I truthfully would like to give back to naija. I rather be a big fish in a lil pond than a lil fish in a lil pond...huh?
3. I miss my family
4. Im tired of America,
5. I hate the cold
6. miss naija's Sweet fruits, boli and epa (roasted plantains and peanuts sold on the street)
7. Suya and aboki stores( street corner stores)
8. beginning my path to becoming Nigeria's first female president...lol
9. I have a chieftancy title waiting for me...lol Iyalode Ajagun rocker of........land
10. wearing layers during winter..i hate it so much

Reasons to stay in america
1. Walmart
2. Walmart
3. Walmart...where in Naija would i get to buy chicken, do a pedicure , get an oil change , buy a hammer, and pepto bismo all in one place for cheap.
4. The fact that I can go anywhere at anytime of the night without worrying about armed robbers. i mean while in naija on holidays everyone is on lock and key after 8pm unless they are staying out at night for the whole night
5. Specialty stores like AC more (craft store), MAC store , Bargain shopping etc
6. Big ass bell peppers
7. NEPA
8. PHCN
9. NEPA/ PHCN (power company responsible for power cuts and black outs)
10. Heat in Nigeria
11. Road trips. i love traveling by road but not me driving, and lets face i,t there are better roads and sane drivers here
12. Restaurants...not to say there aint restaurants in naija, only that they are almost all the same... not too much variety or fine dining.
13. Things in naija are just too expensive

Submit to me boo

The word Submissive..... hmmm It seems to be most Naija men's favorite word and the only verse most of them know and remember from the bible....holding on to that passage like their manhood depended on it. This post came as a result of a statement that I made ....that both husband and wife be submissive to each other and it seemed I had over run my mouth with that statement

Below are some verses I'm sure we ladies have heard it drummed in our ears

Colossians 3:18-19 (New International Version)

Rules for Christian Households

¹⁸Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

¹⁹Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

Ephesians 5:22-33 (New International Version)

Wives and Husbands

²²Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. ²³For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Now Lets examine the word SUBMIT, SUBMISSIVE, SUBMISSION

Here are a list of dictionary meanings of the words above

1. unresistingly or humbly obedient
2. acknowledging one's inferiority
3. characteristic of a slave or servant;
4. characterized by tendencies to yield to the will or authority of others
5. passive
6. modest
7. Docile
8. Subdued
9. patient etc
   

So No. 1 says be humbly obedient, so are we saying only the wife is to be humbly obedient and the husband is to be proudly obedient or humbly disobedient????

No. 2 says acknowledging ones inferiority. I mean which man wants to marry an inferiority complexed wife.....does that make the man feel better about himself?

No. 3 says xteristics of a slave and servant. Well just as NO. 2 i don't think anyone wants to marry a slave or a servant or am i being naive here?

No. 4 says yielding to the will and authority. I guess you can say the man is the head of the family and he has the final say after consulting his wife. This one actually makes more sense..

No. 5 thru 9 either should not exist in a marriage (who am i to say) or both spouses should partake in the adjectives.i.e modesty should go both ways and absolutely no one should be subdued unless in fulfilling a sexual fantasy (do i hear dominatrix?)


The point I am trying to make here is that the word submissive is not cut and dry as it has been put out there. And if the bible says wifes do this ...that doesn't mean husbands shouldn't ,for instance the bible also says husbands love and honor your wives...does that mean in return the woman should not do that cos the bible specifically said it to the husbands? I know my reasoning might just be weird but i think that Sometimes, for our own selfish reasons and ego, we choose to take the bible and carve it in our own way ..quoting it to make us feel better when you know Jesus aint mean it that way.

for example

1 Corinthians 14:34 (New International Version)

³⁴women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says.

IS THAT SO TODAY????

Totally random
Today for the first time, i heard about vibrating panties/pata/pioto/underwear/pant you can buy in the store that have remote controls to set the frequency.....hmmmmm Now that gives an idea for gifts for Vagina Appreciation day