More Stories and all that jazz

Wow, this my trip to naija has made me begin to get blogging laziness...anyway I'm never a quitter so we would see how that pans out. Now speaking of "PAN" heard a new word this week and I felt i needed to share. Anyone heard of a "Pan- Sexual"..yeah thats the new word I learned oh. anyway a Pan sexual is a person who is attracted to all forms of the "sexuals" in other words such a person would do a transvestite, transsexual, transgendered, bisexual, homosexual, metrosexual, hermaphrodite, heterosexual and lots more...wow (Don't ask me how I know......someone who works in my office is one.)


One day while in Lagos, I went to pick up something from my brother-in-law on the island. Anyway, the driver and I were stuck in traffic and on getting to a zebra crossing, the driver slowed down to allow pedestrians cross the road. Now these pedestrians had gotten half way when some car drove passed (not stopping ) and almost ran them over. Seeing a perfect opportunity to yell at these useless lagos drivers since we were still stuck in traffic and the guy was in a questionable convertible. I said questionable cos men...it looked quite weird and i mean weird in a horrible way. Anyway I rolled the window down and tried yelling at the guy

Femi B: didn't you see the zebra crossing...
QCCD (Questionable Convertible Car Driver): looking back not hearing me Excuse me..what?
Femi B: I said you just passed the zebra crossing almost...
QCCD: Hello ( probably thinking i was trying to holla at him) I can't hear you
Femi B: yelling PAY ATTENTION TO THE ZEBRA CROSSING
QCCD: Huh? whats that?
Femi B: I said pay attention to the zebra crossing, you almost ran those people over ..
QCCD: (looks back and changes his accent to one conk igbo trader accent) Na.. na... na..na your papa get am?
Femi B: in anger ...OLOSHI ( stupid fool) yes now na my papa draw those lines..stupid fool

Its just funny how many people don't pay attention to road signs and all. another time i went to visit my sister at her office. Now she had been telling me to dress properly and all..(I guess she wanted to show me off, pimp me or her own weird trick to get me to kack up). Now i decided to wear a nice dress and some killer heels. Killer in the sense that men they killed me that day.

Anyway the driver decides to miss the way and drops me like 5 million blocks away from where I was going and silly me got down thinking ..yeah i can do this now....my feet won't kill me too much. Anyway by the time i got to the building about to cross the street ..I thought my feet were going to give way and i was going to die from the excruciating pains caused by the silly man who invented heels.(Im sure it was definitely a guy who invented heels,thongs, push up bras..anything that would make females a living hell)..
Ok I am standing by the zebra crossing waiting to cross the street and no one would slow down for me...i thought..haba I am almost dying... these shoes are going to make me commit suicide ..cos the next thing i did was just cross the street and not care if i was hit. At least if I was hit...the feet pains would go away. I also was not going to run across..hell no in those killer shoes ..tufiaka.
Well as I entered the street, cars began to slow down but those okada bastards.... men they were still coming in full force..but I was not bulging...I go catwalk on this zebra crossing...cos I no fit run. Anyway Okada man then begins to yell at me ..." you better comot that thing for your leg" men no one in Lagos is patient.